PETER SHANKMAN
| POSTED ON June 10th, 2008 | 92 COMMENTS | + ADD YOUR COMMENT |
(Schmaltz Post Alert. Avoid if you’re prone to crying…)
Dear two high school kids I briefly met on the M-11 this morning as I was coming home from Temple and you were heading to school:
I knew you were in high school because one of you asked if the other one wanted to sign your yearbook. When I saw the yearbook, I realized that we in fact went to the same high school, and I graduated 18 years before you. I graduated the year you were born.
With that that unbelievable fact rolling around in my brain, I’m going to take the liberty of the elders, and offer you some un-asked-for advice. Do with it what you will.
As you pack up your things, and spend the summer getting ready to head off to college somewhere, remember that you’re coming from an upbringing in the greatest city in the world. That means you’re going to be light-years ahead of whomever your Freshman year roommate happens to be. But… Don’t look down on them. While you might be ahead of them from a “city street smart” perspective, never forget that they’ve got eighteen years of experiences of their own to share. You can learn from them, if you let yourself. This goes for everyone you meet throughout your life. The ability to stop talking, and actually listen once in a while will be one of your greatest assets. I promise you this. Don’t let it take you 18 years to learn.
At some point during your freshman year, get your butts over to the study abroad office and introduce yourself. You think you’re bogged down with work during “finals?” Wait until you’re 10 years out of college, on deadlines, and the choice isn’t “go to a bar and pull an all-nighter to write that paper or ask for an extension,” but rather “finish the client report, don’t go out, probably skip dinner, get two hours of sleep and be back in the office at 7am, or get fired.” Your workload during the next four years won’t have ANYTHING on your workload for the 40 years after that. Remember that, and study abroad for at least one semester, if not more. If you don’t do it, you’ll be kicking yourself every day that you didn’t. See the world while you still can. I promise you – traveling the world on business is NOT the same as traveling the world for exploration. Every conference room will ALWAYS look the same on a business trip, whether Phuket or Peoria. Trust me on this. Do it now. Need even more proof? Read this: Confessions from 8,000 Miles Away.
Expect greatness, prepare for utter failure and never be unwilling to change. You’re going to have incredible moments of greatness in your life, I promise you. The things you’re going to do successfully are so incredible, your little high-school brains can’t even begin to process them now. You’re going to be amazing, I have no doubt.
However, whatever you think you’re going to do now? I’m pretty sure it’s not going to happen. Since I was in your seat on that bus, signing someone else’s yearbook, I went from Stage Crew Manager, to journalist, to photojournalist, to model photographer, to playboy photographer, to online journalist, to publicist, to entrepreneur, to philanthropist – all of which I still do to some extent, and none of which were planned. That’s the beauty of where you are. You’ve got no IDEA what’s ahead – and therein lies the fun. Don’t ever forget – it’s fun to be surprised. God, my classmates? You’re an Art major now? Never planned on being a broadcast announcer for a Satellite radio channel, huh? Vocal major? Wasn’t in the cards to be a banker in Phoenix, huh? Actor, with brothers making up all of the other Wayans? Never planned on being… Oh, wait. I guess you did know you’d be an actor, Marlon. But for almost all of the rest of my classmates? We were so sure, and so steadfast, and now? Light years from what we thought we’d be. And that, my new friends, is the best part.
Finally, to round out the holy trinity of two paragraphs ago, know this: You’re going to screw up the likes of which you never thought possible. Wow, you’re going to screw up. And it’s not going to be a one time thing, either. You’re going to screw up so badly, you’ll want to hide under a rock and never, ever come out. You’re going to make decisions that looking back on them, you’ll wonder what you could have possibly been smoking – no one is that stupid! But you’ll be that stupid. I promise you. We all were. I especially was. Hell, I still am now from time to time. But here’s the key: The secret to surviving it is two-fold: You’ve got to learn from each moment of stupidity. If you don’t, that only compounds the stupidity. But if you learn from it; if you say “hey, I messed up, here’s what I did, and here’s how I’m going to make sure I’ll never do it again,” and finally, if you’re not afraid to say you’re sorry, then the mistakes are worthwhile. And secondly, you’ve got to surround yourself with good people. I mean, really, really good people. People who you trust, people who you know will be there for you, no matter how much of a screw-up you’ll manage to be from time to time, people who will never, ever let you down. But here’s the caveat: To surround yourself with people like that, means that yes, you have to be one, as well. And you’ve got to be forgiving when they screw up, too. Because they will. We all will.
Remember: Karma works. It really, really does. You want to remember that – if the choice exists between doing something for yourself or doing something for someone else, do something for someone else. It’ll come back to you ten-fold.
At some point, try and make a difference in the life of a child, and in the life of an animal. Both of which will reward you more than you can imagine.
Last thing: Laugh. No matter what happens, laugh. Try and love someone, and try and let someone love you. Know you’re going to get hurt, but also know that you will always be strong enough to get through it. And finally: Know that no matter what happens, no matter where your travels take you, no matter who enters your life or who leaves it, no matter whether you become famous or obscure, whether you’re rich or poor, just know: You’re you. You’re unique. You’re made up of stuff to which no one else can ever, ever lay claim. And no one can ever take that away from you.
Good luck, kids from LaGuardia High School, class of 2008. I so very much envy the journey you’re about to take.
Peter Shankman
LaGuardia High School
Class of 1990
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You do not have to be 18, to be deeply inspired by that Peter…. Wow. Simply. Wow. :) I probably would have teared up, but took my anti crying meds this morning lol ;p |
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Great post, Peter. Well said. I hope those two guys on the bus read this at some point before going off to school. |
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I never ever wanted to go back to high school and do it all over again like I do right now. Thanks Peter. |
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Peter, you continue to amaze. I plan to share this with several people in my life, especially my 14 year old grandson who needs a little inspiration right about now. Thanks for sharing. RG |
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Thanks Peter! I graduated from college last year, and while this is aimed at high school graduates, it was nice to get a kick in the butt and some words of wisdom because I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. So thanks! |
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Nice post, and even nicer picture. Your high school mug shot looks like it was the inspiration for many Gary Larson cartoons. Don’t feel too bad though. I was the one kid with the smaller head than everyone else on the page. And that right there is a nice analogy of my life to date. |
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You need to be a commencement speaker at a future graduation. Great post. |
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Peter, this was really great! I especially liked your encouragement of studying abroad. I didn’t do it and definitely wish I did every single day. And I do get to travel a lot internationally for work, but it’s definitely not the same. I’m going to be forwarding this too! |
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Peter, why the heck couldn’t this be your speech at your alma mater’s graduation ceremony? So befitting the occasion. And like the other comments, I too almost teared up. You CAN be schmaltzy! And that is so okay. I plan to pass this on to my husband’s nephew who will be graduating next year. |
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Lovethe post. I think it’s important to let young people know that you’re going to make mistakes/fail/get hurt, but no matter what you’ll have the energy to get up and keep going. I just recently graduated, and I think some people don’t know that so when they get rejected from one job- they think it’s the end of the world…you just have to laugh it all off at the end of the day…at least that’s how I remain sane. LOL |
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Wow, Peter, what a terrific, heartfelt message that you need to deliver to all high school students across the country… hell, across the globe! Thanks for sharing it. |
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Someone should tell LaGuardia to get you as the Keynote. :) It is the greatest city in the world to grow up in. We are definitely, ahead of the rest. And you’re so right – knowing that and not holding it against everyone else – is a very important lesson. I’m still trying to learn it – so thanks for the reminder. |
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This was an awesome read, thanks for the lift. :) Oh, and the studying abroad thing? Times 1,000. Best advice ever for new HS grads. I so wish I had done it — especially because my reasons for not doing it were SO stupid. |
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I think this post is something I will print and keep for a long time. From time to time, when I need to lick my wounds from doing battle, I will reread this for inspiration and comfort knowing there are other people in the world who struggle sometimes. The other times I am sure to pull it out will be as my 4 year old son grows. If he can internalize some of this instruction, along with what his father and I are trying to instill in him, he has a shot at one happy, purposeful life. Bravo. |
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Nice piece, Peter. Really great advice for all of us – no matter what time of life. |
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Leaving the comfort of familure surroundings is very important. Traveling abroad is great advice. Leaving your way of doing things behind and allowing others to show you new ways will expand your life and allow you to give so much more mercy later in life which you will need back at some time because like Peter said, you will mess up so bad it will be a wonder how you survive. |
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I too am from the class of ‘ 90 and Forever Young was our theme song. And by the way, at what point during adulthood do we stop coming up with theme songs? Peter, I loved your comments about: |
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Thank you Peter. I too needed that today and now fully understand the Forever Young comment for the afternoon HARO queries. You should be proud, not just of the post but what you offer to all of us. Karma is amazing… |
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Dear Pete, Is it appropriate for a Mom to post a comment? I have saved everything you have written from the time you were a small child and cried over most of them because your words were, and are, always so wise, poignant and sensitive. Today was especially meaningful because, as you know, this weekend, I will be attending my 50th reunion of the Class of 1958 from the High School of Music and Art (the former name of La Guardia High School.) Yes – we really did graduate from the same school, many years apart:) I am going to put your blog post on my page on our reunion website. It will be a permanent tribute to you and our alma mater. (By the way, I sent it to the principal of LaGuardia:) I’m allowed to brag….. |
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With a Mom like Nancy, it’s no wonder you grew up to write such a refreshingly from-the-heart-via-the-gut message to the class of ’08. All that freedom and encouragement and love she gave your artistic nature really did pay off (at least for your readers and clients.) Nice work — to both Shankmans — and thanks for the laugh at the end! |
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This was a great post. Inspiring and full of truth. Everyone who said you should be a commencement speaker is right! |
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Your MUM made me cry! |
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It should be mandatory that this be placed in the diploma of each and every graduate (yes, even GEDs). |
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Oh, meant to add re: your senior picture: Hiya, stud!! |
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First I loved what you wrote…. and then I read what your mom wrote…. Beautiful and inspirational. Keep going “Pete.” |
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Your high school yearbook quote was Carly Simon/Working Girl. That’s all I have to say about that. That and now the song is stuck in my head. |
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Peter, |
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sending this to my son – who could well have been on the bus – and is off to college… really great thoughts – thanks, |
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Let the River Run was my anthem growing up, too. Hey, we both came of age during big hair, women who wore tennis shoes with pantyhose and business suits (with shoulder pads from hell) ala Melanie Griffith, and, we mustn’t forget….Gordan Gecko. And since I’m approaching my…ahem…20 year reunion next week (I think I have a little throw up in my mouth), this poignant piece reminds me of all the wonderful things I’ve learned, lived, loved, and laughed about. Thanks for that wonderful reminder. Your post made me pump my fist and say, “YEAH!” Your mom’s comment was the one that made me cry. She is precious and as dear as one could get. Is it possible to have mom envy? |
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I too am a ’90 graduate. However, I chose to finish my HS education in India. Probably the best and ONLY good decision I made in that decade. Nice touch with the photo… |
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Karma, Karma, Karma – You gotta believe! Its whats held me together for all these years. |
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This was nice to read, but I don’t think that all of this “universal truth” is all that universal. I will never have to do as much work as I did in college, ever. I still come home from work some days and think about how nice it is that I don’t have to do pchem homework. I also didn’t know anyone in college who thought they absolutely knew without a doubt what they wanted to do for the rest of their lives… in fact, I doubt I’ve met more than one or two such people in my entire life. Most of the rest was great, though. I know I’ve screwed up more than I thought possible. I really wish I had known that it was acceptable to make mistakes. It sounds obvious and dumb now, but that is NOT how I was raised. I thought mistake = failure as a human being, time to commit suicide. Luckily, life corrected me, but that lesson was quite harsh. |
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Hi Peter! Great post! I studied abroad in college, and it was the best experience I had. I learned a lot about myself and people in Europe! I have made a few mistakes, but your advice is very true! I always admitted my mistake and mentioned how I was going to correct myself and not make it twice! It definitely works! I’ve always believed if you aren’t making mistakes, then you aren’t living! |
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OMG. My son is a junior this year. He just called me today so upset that he screwed up his year and will have to take summer school to have enough credits to graduate next year. Your post is exactly what he needs to hear – today – so that he’ll be better prepared. I cried!!, even though I was warned. ;) I can’t wait to have him read this. THANKS!! |
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Right on. In particular, right on about study abroad. I thought about it so many times and never did it because I was a poor college student. Now, as I do freelance PR with three kids at home and never a single trip out of the country, or even to D.C. or NYC, I would gladly accept the extra student loans. |
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DUDE. Awesome post. Echoing what everyone else here is saying. Passing it on to my teenagers as well. Nice job. |
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Imagine how lucky I am….I’ve gotten to share my life with both Pierre and Nancy (and Ira too!) so you can tell just from reading what an amazing trip it’s been. Thanks guys, for keeping the good stuff out there where everyone can learn and grow from it. Love. |
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I should have read your warning!! I’m 4 weeks post-partum and definitely prone to welling up! Inspiring post!!! |
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Peter, |
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unsolicited advice to teenagers? congrats on reaching middle age sooner than the rest of us! ;-) seriously…very sage stuff there. xojm |
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When I was in my junior year of college everything was going wrong. I was attempting to double major while in a crappy roommate situation and struggling with classes. I was so stressed I didn’t know which way was up. During Holiday break, I got really fed up with everything and decided I needed to get out and get away. When second semester started, I went to my journalism adviser because I had to do an internship as a part of my program and we got to talking. He suggested I do my internship abroad. The next day I went and spoke to someone in the study abroad office and by the following week had filled out an entire application with an essay and recommendations and sent it off without even telling my parents what I was thinking of doing. When I got the acceptance letter, they also sent one to my house, which took the job of telling them from me. The following fall, I spent just over 4 months in London and had dropped my second major. It was THE best decision I had made in my entire life and I tell my sister on a weekly basis that she has to go abroad. Now I’m 2 years out of college and I know that while I’ll never be able to travel again like I did in college, I will keep those experiences with me forever. Amazing post Peter. Double kudos. |
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Excellent, excellent post, and one-hundred percent timely for me. I loved this line: “Expect greatness, prepare for utter failure and never be unwilling to change,” and find it remarkable that while I KNOW that it is true, I still don’t know how it will all play out. Which is kind of the point of growing up and moving on, I guess. Thank you. |
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Peter Shankman writes with poignant humor his advice to the graduating high school senior. What he did not realize is how much it would impact those who have long since graduated and simply needed to hear that our own journey has not been in vain. |
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Very insightful and encouraging missive, Peter. It’s good to see someone encouraging this generation instead of pointing out all their faults. I hope you come to Atlanta someday to meet all your HARO fans here, because I’d love to meet you! |
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Sooo, ironic. Today was probably one of the worst I’ve had in a LONG time. Your post was exactly what I needed. Karma indeed. Thanks so much Peter. |
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Great stuff Peter! I echo the thoughts of those that have said, you should be giving this as the commencement speaker! Sending this to my recently graduated nephew. |
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Wow! I don’t know what got me more choked up. This post…or the comment from your mom!! Thanks for the inspiration… Go Class of ’90! |
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I will be sending your email to every parent of a teen that I know – and will also send this to my own 16 year old daughter. Hearing advise from another is sometimes better than hearing it from your own parent. |
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[...]Thanks for sharing your work with us! Your theme is just awesome![...] |
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Liza — Peter Yarrow from Peter,Paul and Mary fame, Eartha Kitt, Adrien Grenier — and more than you can imagine.. those walls are filled with talent.. |
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Good stuff lasts; truths last — the words of wisdom in this posting should last in us all forever. Thanks, Peter! |
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Cheers to the part about screwing up! The moment I realized that screw ups are inevitable – no matter who you are – was one of the most liberating days of my life. Just make sure you screw up on your own terms. Look forward to meeting you in ATL this evening, Peter! |
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Peter, you are so right on…I wish someone had told me all that way back when. But, at least we can tell our children and grandchildren…heck, if you said it and not us, they might listen for once! Thanks for sharing! (for those of us who weren’t lucky enough to be around a year ago!) |
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Yep, you need to give a commencement address. I just tweeted this blog…it ROCKS!~ |
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Wow- that just made my (already kind of crumby) day… Thanks for that, Peter. |
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Wow Peter that was a great post. You said quite a few things that I have found to be true. The most powerful of these is choosing to do something for someone else for no reason. You are right, it will come back to reward you 10 fold. |
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Wow, that is a great post. Everyone needs to know that at some point they’re going to screw up–and you said it best. |
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That was so inspiring. In a time when all I seem to have is doubts in myself this was so uplifting, and reminded me of so much. Thank you! |
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Wow, you should be saying this at every high school graduation! It’s beautiful – thanks for sharing!! |
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Peter – That is awesome! Maybe even better than that famous Vonnegut speech, although I did like his suntan lotion bit. Think about offering yourself as a graduation speaker for your high school – and deliver that! |
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Excellent – nothing to add to what’s already been said; just ace stuff beautifully told. You should recycle this one every year, around this time! |
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Thanks Peter. Such words of wisdom. I wish I could go back to my college self and tell her these things. Especially traveling abroad. I did it. But it would have been more fun at 19. |
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Great post, Peter! I really enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing it with us. |
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Loved your insight into my life. I do have an additional 22 years of those screwups though And you still have some undexpected, wonderful experiences and surprises in store for you these next years of your life Peter. |
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I remember reading this post last year and it (together with your mom’s post) still makes me a little teary eyed. I couldn’t agree more on studying abroad – it’s an amazing experience that will last a lifetime and will open so many doors for you. |
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Having been recently amazed, stunned and filled with gratitude and laughter at my own high-school reunion, your insights are right on the mark. |
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Loved it! I’ll send it to my step son who is graduating next week. Your comment about listening to others and learning from those who are from somewhere else was great. I grew up in upstate NY, but when I went to college, many NYC and Long Island kids seemed to think that life only existed in the city or on LI. We can all learn so much from others. So thanks for that. |
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Great article, I liked the part about a difference in a kids life and an animal. Might have to use that as my signature :) |
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Peter, Peter, Peter, we do not know you but we know of David Fields who passed this along. We are 17 and 11 respectively and one of us is looking ahead to college and one of us looking ahead to middle school. You sound like my mom only more poetic and strong. While we are lucky to have a mom who preps us for life’s screw ups and to keep our hearts open and love like there’s no tomorrow, our mom’s flaw is that she always assumes the other person is right and she has much to learn and giant leaps to grow. In my high school this month on of our classmates tried to jump off the roof of a 4 story building; stress and expectations nearly drove him to take his life. While a hand full of us were aghast and terribly sad for his cry for help and called out for him not to jump many, many others urged him to jump, threw milk cartons and generally acted like barbarians. Our Mom, Sadie and I talked over dinner about major screw ups in life and that no mistake no matter how grand should separate you from the ones you love or who love you. And how silly and utterly wasteful not to dive in and soak up life’s precious moments we are given to love and be loved out loud. We three strive to be leaders among our friends in that way. We also visit with an elderly man who is 101 and offers us the same advice as you spell out in your blog. See, you are wise beyond your years, Mr. Shankman. This week’s visit our elderly friend shared with us how very short life is and how we cheat ourselves and our loved ones if we do not pursue love and relationships rather hesitate for so long as to watch them wither and slink away with their tails between their legs. One of his life long joys has been watching his four stepchildren grow, have their children and raise a family who gives back to this world. Hey, he even fussed at our Mom last week for not staying for a longer visit as he had more things he wanted to talk about. A good thing about accepting we are all major screw ups is also being true to ourselves and our feelings as if we are part of a universal tapestry and without our strokes of insight and our strokes of opinions and our strokes of input in its many forms we deny the universal tapestry of our life essence for our wants and be proud that our desires add color to humanity. Thank you for your blog. As our mom would definitely do, we are going to print this out and keep it in our room for a long while as a reminder and stroke of genius on your part. We’re going to let her read this and preface it with “you’re going to cry” just like we have done. We hope you are a father, practice tikkun olam, and seek to spread your authenticity to all you meet. Hannah and Sadie |
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Prone to crying but read it anyway. Well said and genuine – and exactly why Peter is a success AND loved AND daily followed by 100K! |
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Great re-post Peter. That is without a doubt some of the best advice you could pass along to grad, or to anyone who needs a boost right now. Rock on skydiver! |
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WOW! Our high school graduation speaker was so boring I can’t even remember who it was. But now I feel like I’ve finally gotten the speech we should have had. Even if I did have to wait 30 years. Thanks, Peter! |
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Peter this was absolutely beautiful! Thank you for writing this…it actually couldnt have come at a better time in my day btw. |
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Repost this every year! We all need that reminder… even if we are working on the 3rd 18 years of our lives. |
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just found out about ur blog from idesignyourlogo.com and i too went to Laguardia class of 2007. i am currently in college and cannot agree more as i look back at the last 3 yrs heading into my sr year. i find your talks to be very inspiring since i myself have already grown not too fond of working in an office building with old people who are too arrogant for their own good. just curious, what was your major at LaG? |
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Peter – you are a genius – I love your writing. You are so wise at only 36 – add another 18 years to your age (ok 19, but who’s counting) and you get to be my age. You aren’t going to believe how much MORE wisdom will come your way. Can’t wait to read about it as you “mature” :-) |
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I totally agree with Traci ‘ “We all need that reminder…even if we are working on the 3rd 18 years of our lives.” Just forwarded your column to my late 20-/early 30-something age kids. This still strongly resonates in our present day lives. Thanks, Peter |
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The warning about crying needs to be bigger… Wish I had this when I graduated, but you were still in Middle School ;) As said by others, this is a keeper to re-read at various life points. Just what the Dr. ordered, thank you Peter. |
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Love, love , love this post! Thanks for the wonderful read & thanks for the memories. |
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Unfortunately youth is often wasted on the young, and so too, is the good advice we try to give them. At least this advice is appreciated by us, the older (but not yet ‘grown up’) May we still have time to correct the mistakes of our own youth! |
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Hey Peter – I felt that, man. Born and raised in Nassau County, LI – Father lived in Chelsea so I spent most of my upbringing in NYC. Went away to college in Michigan…I hope to live in New York City again some day but live in San Francisco now… Thanks to this post I’ll listen that much closer to others today. Thank you for sharing. -Tim |
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Study abroad. I did, and have been forever grateful since then. And I still have all the things on my list, I didn’t do, because I have never been abroad since. I have had good jobs, but none that had you traveling abroad. Heck, they barely allowed you to travel within the US. Back 40 years ago, when I was in Europe, I knew, just knew, I would be back. I haven’t made it yet, but what I saw, what I learned, and what I did, will be cherished all my life. |
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I am actually a graduate from LaGuardia high school 2008! I just happen to stumble upon this. Four years, I probably wouldn’t have understood anything you wrote but now I get it… I’m actually going to study abroad next semester in Korea. It was either graduating on time or studying abroad and staying an extra semester in college. It’s a late decision, but I know I made the right choice. Maybe I should write an entry like this and who knows maybe a student from LaGuardia class of 2026 will read it. |
PETER TO SPEAK
FOR THE NEWSLETTER
