Best. Bar Mitzvah. Invitation. Ever.

PETER SHANKMAN

POSTED ON February 14th, 2007

5 COMMENTS

In keeping up with the Rosen’s and the Abelson’s,

It is with great stress, emotional and physical fatigue and incredible financial sacrifice beyond comprehension,
that we invite you to join us as our wonderful son

Jacob Adam

is called to
the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah.

Saturday, May 12th – (yes we realize its Mother’s Day Weekend)

Temple Israel

14 Coleytown Road

Westport , Connecticut 06880

at the ungodly hour of 9 am even though you don’t really need to be there until 10:20am to catch the real action.

If you make it through the 3 hour service, please skip the kiddush (its
just cookies and cake) and join us instead for an overly

large and ostentatious Kosher (my husband’s idea) evening meal, which starts at 7 PM,

(not 8 PM.. or you will miss out on the 2000 canapes).

Birchwood Country Club

25 Kings Hwy S
Westport , CT 06880

(which we had to join just for this event and

you would not believe the initiation fees)

You will be in the presence of lots of

boisterous and expensive entertainment

and 60 to 70 unruly pre-teens wearing expensive dresses, funny hats,

fake bling and brand new white ankle socks…

as well as 80-100 middle aged+ adults, some balding, some with bad toupees, most will be professionally coiffed, designer attire galore, lots of REAL bling, and most "tootsed" to the nines. At least 1/3 will be hormonally challenged and some will act stupid while under the influence. Some will not even know where or who they are. Some will complain about the food. Blah Blah Blah.

Please have the courtesy of showing up if you RSVP that you are attending, or you will be billed for $210.00 a plate if you are a no-show. Please RSVP as soon as you get this and not a day before the cut-off date. I can’t take the stress.

The gift of choice is either green, or contains a routing and account number. "Off the top of your head" gifts

and Gift Cards are a waste of your time and ours.

Hope you can make it! Lisa and David Miller

Dress: Black Tie optional

Theme: 007 James Bond

BYO Kippot. I don’t have the strength.

February 14th, 2007 04:21 PM

Annie

It might be an idea to edit out personal info, especially as Gawker watch you, and this is the sort of thing that will be lifted and cross posted across the web.

Are you really in PR if you have to be told this?

February 14th, 2007 06:40 PM

Kevin Davis

Now if only they did these authentic invitations for housewarmings, baby and weddings showers too…

February 15th, 2007 08:27 AM

Robin

Is this a REAL invitation? I have to know.

February 15th, 2007 08:36 AM

Peter

Actually, “Annie” from the UK, if YOU were really in PR, or any industry that required you to do your homework, you’d Google any phrase from this invite and instantly realize that in fact, it’s not real.

Have a happy day!

February 16th, 2007 05:47 PM

Annie

Sorry Peter, reading that “PR” comment back I can see the tongue-in-cheek didn’t come through.

Not in PR, just someone that enjoys your posts.