Is that what Dracula did to you?

“You paid HOW much for that tie? Dearie, all you need to do is grab a cloth napkin off a table…”

HEEEEYYYY…. You have the same devil sitting on your shoulder as *I* do! What does he tell YOU to do?

Hi, I’m Peter. I vant to suck your blood.

I know things are rough in luxury sales these days, so when you go to rob that bank, make sure you pull that bandana over your nose to hide your face. Then, pretend you have a gun in your pocket by holding your hand like this. And stop smiling; it makes your eyes pop.

Really! You like my bowtie!

I’m standing on your what?

Caption 1: Dude: You got your HARO shirt on under that, right?

Caption 2: Hey, Ize: Think you can hook me up with Liza?

Caption 3: THAT is totally what I’m wearing on my next jump.

“No, really! It’s the only thing keeping my head on! Wanna see?”

Isaac from now on Target wants you to make your clothes from HP paper

“I’m telling you Peter, the Vampire Gaucho look is so this Fall!”

Really Isaac, you want me to be your personal shopper?

Peter explains to Isaac Mizrahi how to have suave hair.

“Do you like my tie? It’s something I fashioned out of the invitation!”

“So, you’re saying the ‘crazy puritan’ look is in this year?”

Peter has just told Isaac Mizrahi that Scarlett Johanssen is on her way.

I’m sorry Issac, I didn’t quite hear that. Did you say that triple-knotting the scarf wasn’t such a good idea after all?

“I’ll do more than shake your hand, if you’ll just help me out of these robes”

So, is it really true? If I untie that knot, your head will fall off?

“Isaac, I know that vampires are trendy, but Interview with the Vampire was released 15 years ago.”

“I have these two cats, see, and I really want to dress them up nice for Rosh Hashanah.”

“Justice O’Connor I presume?”

“Peter, have you seen my new Halloween line at Target?”

“I couldn’t tuck my napkin in at dinner so I improvised.”

Peter Shankman asking Isaac Mizrahi about the latest trends in neck bandages versus neck ties. “Do you think I can really pull that off?”

Isaac: “HP party?!! Oh my… I thought you said TP party! I wore some around my neck for the occasion!”

Does it hurt when my hand passes through your shoulder like that?

“You won’t believe this, but I ALSO have the recurring nightmare about showing up to a party wearing skinny jeans!”

This is a stick up – Your fashion or your life!

“YOU’RE Peter Shankman? Oh. My. GOD. I have ALWAYS wanted to design a skydiver outfit for Target… the ’80s are back in vogue, you know, so let’s work on some parachute pants…”

Uncle Festus, I see the Rogaine is working for you!

Hey Peter! Look, this is my “Crazy Jay Leno face”

Peter and Isaac demonstrate ‘scary’ eyes for a rapt audience.

Sorry, that should have been “Uncle Fester, I see the Rogaine is working for you!”

Peter: No Isaac it’s true! Scarves don’t make you look gay.

Peter about to perform his first exorcism on Isaac Mizrahi, a possessed priest who turned his collar into a bandana. “THE POWER OF HARO COMPELS YOU!”

Now, Issac, the thing about style is……

Remember Rachael Ray?

Alright Isaac, your Uncle Fester is better than mine. I have to hand it to you, the napkin really completes the look.

Ya, Peter, I did say once that “sometimes when I’m really dressed up, it really turns me on.” Tonight, not so much.

“Peter Dahling! I am SO a fan of HARO!”

“Third most expensive napkin in the northern hemisphere! The tablecloth makes a great cape, too.”

“Yes, yes I see you do a fine Marty Feldmen, Isaac, but I’m searching for an ingenue, see?

That’s right, Isaac, the Vienna sausages are all-you-can eat tonight, AND Carrot Top is the entertainment.

“Congrats Isaac on joining the ‘Twilight’ cast!”

Eep! Can i post a revised version?

“Third most expensive napkin in the northern hemisphere! You should see what I did with the tablecloth!”

Isaac thinks he’s about to be shot for violating the rules of HARO.

“Excuse me, can ya move outa my way? I wanna meet that chick behind you.”

Really, Peter? @Alexisglick said she’d go out with you? That’s awesome!

“Listen Issac, my making you wear that silly tie is a small punishment for responding to a biotech HARO with your Hot Fall Fashions press release. I could have simply banned you.”

Peter and Isaac Mizrahi talk about the fashion faux pas created by the re-release of the Tale of the Headless Horseman at the HP/Paper party Tuesday Night.

Isaac, that wasn’t a budget friendly designer challenge from Target, it’s your linen dinner napkin!

Did I get that tourniquet too tight?

“The next time I try to strangle you, it’s not going to be by strangulation!”

If you pitch off-topic again I’ll tie it even tighter!

“That was the ‘your face will stick like that’ karate chop. Now, for my next trick…”

Seriously? They’re serving food with carbs?!

You’re wearing WHAT for underwear?

That just better be a HARO shirt in your left hand…

Peter Shankman informs Isaac Mizrahi he is booted off HARO for pitching off topic.

“Girrrl, you’ll never guess who I ran into a Target!! Liza…Liza Minelli!! “

Tickle, tickle!

“I see you’re enjoying the promotional silk boxers”

After fasting all day, Isaac Mizrahi hallucinates that Peter’s head is a giant HAM.

Peter and Isaac Mizrahi reenact their favorite scenes from Young Frankenstein –

Peter (as Frederick Frankenstein) Damn your eyes!

Isaac (As Igor) Too late!

“Pull your finger? Of Course!!!”

Look, the Senate will simply not consider that appropriate neck-wear. It’s too French!

Caption: Peter, I’m stunned but that’s an absolutely brilliant idea for the fashionistas – HARO t-shirts worn as hats! You must come head my design team!

I’m sure Target Dog would LOVE to meet Karma and Nasa.

If you mention Minolta one more time at this party, I’m kicking the chair out from under you!

Damnit! No one told me to come dressed as a chemically imbalanced Civil War figure.

Peter: So you’ll call me later this week, right?

Isaac: Yes, yes, of course, but first you must tell me where you bought that fabulous shoulder fairy you’re wearing!

“No Issac, I was just trying to shake your hand.”

“Peter, the checkered shoes would go great with my outfit!”

At the creative black-tie dinner, said in the style of Harvey Levin from TMZ: “I’m a negative!”

Fell off the runway, did ya?

“Trust me… this bloodless surgery technique really works. Now, where is that pesky ventricle?”

Peter: So you promise you’ll call me next week, right?

Isaac: Yes, of course I’ll call you Peter, but you must tell me where you bought that fabulous shoulder fairy you’re wearing!

Really? Chocolate grasshoppers?

. . . and Peter, it turns out my Mom was right — I made this face and it stayed this way.

Peter (says): “So, I’m kind of a big deal in social media. You know what that is, right?”

Isaac (thinks): (OH MY GOD! Judy Garland’s DNA just walked in the room).

“If I ever catch you nibbling on my wife’s neck again, I’ll knock you into next week!”

Peter says: Hey – “the one who smelt it dealt it dude!”

Isaac is speechless…he just got busted!

Bro, I know I told you to cover up your hickies but…

Give me all your PR leads and no one gets hurt

Isaac, I have a little cold, do you mind if I borrow your handkerchief?

So…Isaac How high were you when the parachute tangled around you neck?

NO WAY, she liked it?!

I know, I can’t beleive it either. I mean, I really wasn’t sure I could pull it off, but she did….she really liked it.

In attempt to get the scoop on Mizrahi’s fall line, Peter mistakenly wanders onto the stage during Isaac’s breakout performance in “Sweeny Todd.”

I’m telling you Isaac, she is TOTALLY into you!

“I totally agree Issac…the table napkin scarf is going to be a huge fashion hit this year.”

“You know, when you run with the bulls your supposed to wear a red scarf. Your white scarf is going to make everyone run away from you!”

“You ARE aware that the invitation stated this was a Black Tie and Evening Dress event. I think you would have been better served with a black table cloth dress as opposed to the doilie white tie.”

“I haven’t seen a Sailor’s Knot like that since, well…last night at the ballpark when I had some Cracker Jacks with the kids.”

“You went to Laguardia TOO?!?”

Itzak Mizrahi looking HARO-fied at Peter Shankman’s “so last decade” ‘do! “Peter, dahling, you must let me connect you with one of my people.”

Peter: “So, you REALLY think I could be a Super Model?”
Isaac: (breathlessly) “Oh Peter, you’d be FABULOUS darling!”

“These aren’t the droids you’re looking for… and you will buy a Poken.” -Jedi Master Shankman

You don’t really bite, do you?

No one told me, this was a white tie affair.

Liz Claiborne will fire you — or tighten it — if she see that handkerchief around your neck!

What? Oh! I thought you said you wanted to suck my “blood.”

Peter: “Really? Tying a scarf around your neck keeps your head from falling off?”

Isaac: “It must. Darling, I nearly ‘flipped my lid’ when I saw you come in.”

(On second thought, #102 is also nice as it’s a shorter-bite for attention; so either #102 OR #104, but definitely not #103; you decide and thank you, in advance for your consideration. LJZ)

(Here’s another for good measure… hey- I need that new, sz. sm. shirt! LZP)
“Peter Shankman discusses neck-works with Isaac Mizrahi at a social-tie-zing event hosted by HP/Paper on Tuesday night.”

(In contrast to #102 and #104, #106 would be the ‘safest’ caption as most unfortunately, I have not had the pleasure of meeting Isaac Mizrahi and do not know his capacity for self-deprecating humor. LJZ)