I responded that today, after an awesome win, I think everyone in NYC considers the Giants “theirs,” and more importantly, is that really the most important thing for them to worry about in their busy day?

To which I get this vitriolic reply, stating that I’m completely full of shit, and that I’m nothing but a braggart, who should learn to be nicer to people. Me. I should learn to be nicer to other people. The guy who invites anyone to ask me any question, anytime, about anything. Me. I should be nicer to people because some idiot told me that I’m a terrible person for calling them “My Giants.” OK.

Funny thing was, that didn’t bother me so much as the way the person framed his reply. He started with this: “Well, I have two degrees in Psychology, and I can tell you that…”

That right there pretty much caused me to tune him out. (Well that and two other things: His AOL address (I know it shouldn’t matter, but we all know it does,) and his signature file, which included his mobile number, and next to it, the words “Don’t ever text me.”) That’s fine. Between your “no texting” rule and your AOL address, 1991 called, they want you back. Go hang out with C+C Music Factory while you’re at it.

Look – I usually spend most my time explaining that our lives should be primarily about helping other people. More specifically, I suggest that if we help other people, then any self-promotion we do becomes more about “helping” and less about “self-promotion, and that’s beneficial to us. And I stand by that.

But – The problem comes when someone tries to use “help” as a way to just start shit, which is exactly what Mr. “2 degrees and don’t text me” did. His whole email to me was based on him “helping me” “I’m trying to help you better yourself.” Specifically, he informed me that (his words now) no one who reads the HARO cares where you are or that you’re wiping your ass.” So in his 2-degree mind, he probably honestly believed that he was doing me a benefit by insulting me and telling me that every way I run the HARO was in fact, wrong. Never mind the fact that I’ve built HARO into a multi-million dollar business, helped thousands of businesses grow, and made thousands of friends, colleagues, and acquaintances along the way – Because 2-degree man thought I was pompous, then of course, I must be, and every single one of you who consider yourselves my friend, is 100% wrong. Shame on you.

So I offer you this: Help, when asked for, is a benefit, a great thing, and can allow you to not only grow your business, but increase your positive brand, increase your revenues, bring you new clients, and yes, even help friends out. But – When it’s not asked for, and you present it like the way our friend did above, chances are pretty high that you’re going to look like a douche.

You’ll look like a douche if you offer non-asked for help in a douchey way, as well. Tell me that “no one cares when I wipe my ass” is something reserved for my wife to say to me, and maybe not even then. Want to help? Don’t be a douche. Be nice. Or, if someone really pisses you off that much, simply ignore them! What could you possibly expect to get out of “helping” me the way you did this morning? Did you think I’d thank you for your attempt, after telling me how much I piss you off? If we were friends for years? Sure – Go for it. Tell me to change – I’d appreciate that. But here’s the thing: I have no idea who this guy is. For that matter, I don’t know if he’s male or female, because he has an AOL address (one name, no first or last name) and the signature file was too busy telling me “DON’T TEXT ME” for me to care.

I guess my point here is this: Wanting to help isn’t the same as criticizing. Until you know the difference, perhaps you shouldn’t offer? You’d think after two psychology degrees, one would – But hey… What do I know? I just spend all my time helping people the right way – Usually via text – And from a real email account.

Thoughts?

Example: In the 50s, you’d drive into a gas station, and four uniformed attendants would rush over, each handling a different chore, from checking your oil, to pumping your gas, to cleaning your windows, and other basic automobile tasks. It was simply what was done. Can you imagine that? Four guys, waiting for you to drive in, and actually running to service you? I was driving to Atlantic City last week to give a speech, and stopped in to get gas. Because New Jersey is one of the few states where it’s illegal for a driver to pump his own gas (anyone know the actual reason why? I don’t…) an attendant came over. While the gas was pumping, she actually squeegeed my front window clean, on her own, proactively! I was so shocked that I gave her a tip! I can’t remember that ever happening to me before. But in the 50s, it was standard. For countless reasons that are irrelevant to this story, standards have lowered. They’ve lowered by a lot. And with them, so have our expectations. Whether it be for a multimillion dollar corporate buy on which we sign off, or for a salad where all we ask is for the dressing to be on the side, our expectations have dropped along with the standards for customer service. The worst part, without question, is that they’ve dropped to levels well below “ok” or “fair” or “average.” Our typical expectation for a customer service transaction starts at “poor,” and if we’re lucky, ends at “fair.”

It’s simply what we’ve become as a society. And yet, wonderfully, that’s actually good news for all of us reading this post!

See, since we have such low expectations of customer service, (and I know I’ve said this before, but it’s worth repeating…) It’s so incredibly easy to blow each and every one of your customers’ minds, and shock them into 100% loyalty, every single time you’re given the chance! All you have to do is simply treat each customer one level above “crap.” Amazingly, you don’t even have to be anywhere near “great, “awesome,” or “outstanding” to be different than the norm.  To be thought of as “good,” we just need to treat our customers one level above the normal expectation of crap. That’s it. Anything we do that goes above and beyond “one level above crap,” is so rare, and so unexpected, that if you do that, you can rule the world.

With that said, imagine my surprise tonight when I got an email from John Korff, the President of Korff Enterprises, otherwise know as the guy who runs the company that puts on the wildly popular New York City Triathlon every summer. John’s been producing this race since the very beginning, well over ten years ago, when it was ever so small – Now, it’s one of the yearly crown jewels of the NYC sports world, right up there with the NYC Marathon, and as of this coming August, the NYC Ironman Triathlon.

At first, I assumed it was a form letter, since I’d been accepted into my 8th NYC Triathlon, coming up this July. (Why so many? Because I’m an idiot who never learns, but that’s not the point.)

I double-clicked to find an actual email, from John himself, congratulating me for getting in again this year, and thanking me for doing my eighth one!

I was still pretty sure it was a form letter – CRM software can easily know those things – But I still thought it was a nice touch. Either way, I happened to be sitting in front of my computer when it came in, so I dropped a reply back almost immediately to John, thanking him for the note, and letting him know that I was also doing the NYC Ironman the next month. Didn’t expect a reply, since I still kinda thought it was an auto-email.

Two minutes later – “Wow, Peter – Both! You know, we call those who do the NYC Triathlon then the Ironman the next month “Hudson Doublers!”

So it actually was him. At 6:55pm on a Tuesday night.

What made him email me? Was he looking for repeat “customers,” as it were? Those who’ve done his race more than once? If so, smart – Remember – it’s not cheap to race these races – Perhaps he realized that and wanted to let us know that our continued support of what he built hasn’t gone unnoticed. Perhaps he’s just that nice of a guy – Perhaps it was all planned out on a spreadsheet, and it was just my time to get that email?

It doesn’t matter. I’ve run a TON of races, all over the place, and this is the first time that any race director reached out to thank me, unprovoked, on his own. You can damn well bet I’m going to race his race every year, as long as my body will let me.

It’s those little things – What’s an email? It’s not a steak at an airport (not that there’s anything wrong with that, either) – But ironically, I think that’s the problem – That’s where the disconnect lies for the majority of businesses:

We’re tricked into believing that the best customer service can ONLY be achieved by these massive, over-the-top acts of grandeur – The airport steak – the “we’ll replace your car” – The types of customer service events that make the evening news and get blogged about.

THAT IS WRONG!

I offer you this: (shrunk, for your Tweeting ease:) The best acts of customer service are the tiny things that reinforce the customer’s loyalty. They can be done daily, usually without any cost, and can foster customer retention, increase customer satisfaction, and yes, even grow your customer base by increasing word of mouth, through social media and other platforms. In other words: If you focus on the little things, your company will benefit, customers and clients will increase, and most importantly, REVENUE WILL RISE.

Don’t stop trying to create that one “massive” customer service story that goes viral and winds up on CNN. Never stop trying to do that, because you never know when it might happen. BUT – Spend more time focusing on the little things – The “thank you” when the customer walks in. The unexpected “we’re glad you’re still with us” email. The phone call to your favorite customer, letting them know that you were reading some article, and it told you to think of your favorite customer then call them to thank them for being just that. (I LOVE this one, I’ve recommended it countless times.)

An old friend and colleague who used to be a journalist once told me this story. His first editor gave him one piece of advice: “Be brilliant at the basics.” He was right. Let’s focus on the basics first. You’ll be surprised how much of your marketing and PR your customers will do FOR you, once you master the basics, and come out one step above the norm.

As always, I’d love your thoughts below in the comments. Thanks for reading! :)

Cats, goals, dogs, fails, Lindsay Lohan, cats again, Gawker, coffee, coffee makers, naked women, and finally, Wikipedia, where I somehow wound up reading about hobos.

But the interesting thing about hobos was this – Not only did they have their own code, (as made popular in the Mad Men episode of the same name), but they also had their own ethical code.

That’s right – Hobos had a code of ethical conduct, one to which they tried to always adhere.

Pretty amazing, huh? They rode the rails, took work where they could get it, ate when they could, yet they tethered to a strong sense of ethical balance. When you think about it, that’s a lot more than most of our so called “pillars of society” are doing nowadays. (How’s your jail cell, Mr. Madoff? How about yours, Mr. Blagojevich?)

With that said, here’s my recommendation for 2012: Follow the code of ethics set out by the Hobos well over a hundred years ago. If you do, chances are, you’ll do better, won’t get into trouble, and more than likely will have a good year, personally, professionally, and financially.

I’m going to try it in 2012. Will you join me? And are there any additional codes that should be added? Leave them in the comments.

The Hobo Code of Ethics:

Decide your own life, don’t let another person run or rule you.
When in town, always respect the local law and officials, and try to be a gentleman at all times.
Don’t take advantage of someone who is in a vulnerable situation, locals or other hobos.
Always try to find work, even if temporary, and always seek out jobs nobody wants. By doing so you not only help a business along, but ensure employment should you return to that town again.
When no employment is available, make your own work by using your added talents at crafts.
Do not allow yourself to become a stupid drunk and set a bad example for locals’ treatment of other hobos.
When jungling in town, respect handouts, do not wear them out, another hobo will be coming along who will need them as bad, if not worse than you.
Always respect nature, do not leave garbage where you are jungling.
If in a community jungle, always pitch in and help.
Try to stay clean, and boil up wherever possible.
When traveling, ride your train respectfully, take no personal chances, cause no problems with the operating crew or host railroad, act like an extra crew member.
Do not cause problems in a train yard, another hobo will be coming along who will need passage through that yard.
Do not allow other hobos to molest children, expose all molesters to authorities, they are the worst garbage to infest any society.
Help all runaway children, and try to induce them to return home.
Help your fellow hobos whenever and wherever needed, you may need their help someday.
If present at a hobo court and you have testimony, give it. Whether for or against the accused, your voice counts!

Think about it – If we have the power to be mobile, we have freedom. We don’t need to be in our offices, or at a desk. We can create, explore, produce, engage, and yes, make money, from wherever we are. That, my friends, is true freedom. The freedom to be anywhere and everywhere at the same time.

The problem is, we don’t allow ourselves this freedom. For some reason, we spend almost all our time locked into our desk chairs, staring at a computer screen, when in fact, we don’t need to.

I’ve written several posts about how to jailbreak your life – I encourage you to read them – and today, I’ll add this.

Vocus, the company for which I’m Small Business Evangelist, has released a new tool designed to help you do everything you need to do to run your business, all while staying mobile.

And don’t worry – I’m not going to sit here and pitch it. I am, however, going to give you examples of ways to work while being mobile. If you choose to use the Vocus Mobile Marketing Suite to do it, awesome. If not, the tips still help, and I hope you find value in them.

Understand this first: There are two types of downtime – Long-Burst Downtime and Short-Burst Downtime. I coined the phrase “short burst downtime” a few years ago. It’s the opposite of long-burst downtime. What are they?

Well, long-burst downtime is the downtime you have on a plane (like where I am now, headed from Chicago to LAX.) It’s several hours in a row, that you plan for, knowing you’ll be able to get a certain amount of work done in a finite amount of time. Long-Burst downtime is planned for. It’s how we write blog posts, work out spreadsheets, and get the majority of our “busy-work” done.

But Short-burst downtime – That’s a lot more fun. That’s the kind of downtime that we don’t plan for. It comes in… you guessed it – short bursts. Six minutes on line at the bank. Four minutes waiting for your Mochachino. 19 minutes waiting for your significant other to finish getting dressed because they only need “one more minute.” Short-burst downtime, when used wisely, lets you take care of ove 90% of marketing your business, during times you’d otherwise be wasting because you only see them as wasting time, not as opportunity.

What type of device do you have? Android? iPhone? iPad? They’re called “smart phones” for a reason. Guess what you can do while waiting on line at the bank or as you’re waiting to check out of Lowe’s: You can tweet. You can post to Facebook. Get this – You can answer HARO queries! See who’s talking about you. Respond to pissed off customers. Thank happy customers! Retweet those happy customers! These are all the things you should be doing over the course of your day, but you just “never have the time.”

This morning, while waiting for a 45 minute ground delay, I was able to, from my Droid Incredible II, answer six emails, retweet three messages, post on my status, wish six people on Facebook happy birthdays, give away a back massager, and even update the invite list for my upcoming wedding. (Hint: We’re inviting WAY too many people.)

Plane took off, and that’s when my long-burst downtime kicked in. I’m writing this post on the plane, as well as a bunch of other blog posts. I’m working on my next book (stay tuned, it’s gonna be pretty good, I think) as well as playing the occasional game of Bejewled. OK, and maybe watching the last episode of Season One of Dexter. I know, I’m five years behind, but OMG how good is this show?!

Anyhow, as the plane lands and rolls to the gate, I’ll be on my Droid again, checking to see what happened as I was in the air. Who mentioned me? Who talked about HARO? What queries came in that I may be able to answer?

The key is to be able to use those short-burst downtime moments in the ways that benefit you (and your business) the most. Like I said, the new Vocus mobile app can help you do that. But even if you don’t use it, focus on making your life more productive by doing one simple thing: Not wasting any second of your day.

As I’ve said many times, for many, social media is simply a better way to screw up to a much larger audience in a much shorter amount of time. Ashton proved that last week, when he defended Penn State’s fired coach without knowing all the facts of why he was fired.

Kutcher immediately took a ton of grief for his defense, and backpedaled, realizing what he did, and admitting that he screwed up.

He did the complete and total right thing. He screwed up, he admitted it, he apologized, and he owned it.

But that’s where his right moves ended. Instead of moving on, he took all the good that he did from his mistake and blew it – He gave control of his Twitter account to his handlers.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

His handlers? Come on, Ashton. WRONG WAY TO HANDLE THE SITUATION.

The second you hand over your Twitter account to your people, your account stops being real, your voice starts being “crafted,” and you start being out of touch

Basic Twitter Rule for After You Screw Up:

1) Companies issue press releases. People Tweet. One of the reasons we like following celebrities on Twitter vs other means is that it’s them (mostly) doing the Tweeting. We know that Demi and Ashton would send each other notes on their arm, and we loved that. We had an “in” into their real world. Same thing for CEOs and the like. When Scott Jordan of the ScotteVest gets into arguments on Twitter, it’s really him – we like watching how he runs his business, and we learn from it. The second you give your Twitter account away to handlers, it’s not you, it’s not real, and people stop caring.

2) People screw up! That’s what make them people! They learn from it, and we learn by watching. Screw ups actually benefit us all. You’re going to screw up. There’s no doubt. You’ll be totally shocked by how badly you’re going to screw up. We all do it. Sometimes more than once. But we have to learn from it. I’ve learned from it, and I don’t bring my Droid out when I go out drinking anymore. I don’t tweet in anger anymore. We learn lessons. But we keep going! Giving your account away is a mistake. It says that you didn’t learn, you won’t bother to learn, and you’ll find new ways to make mistakes. If you’re a bad driver, learn to drive better. Don’t hire a driver.

3) Don’t Walk Away. You want to be beloved by your fans, your audience, your customers? Remember that the majority of them don’t have “handlers.” They can’t simply “walk away” when they do something stupid. If you really want to be taken seriously, you need to know that if you screw up, we expect you to apologize, and move on. We’ll want your stupid updates tomorrow, and we won’t want you to stop tweeting. But we’ll be pissed as hell if the next update on YOUR twitter account comes from your publicist. If we wanted to follow your publicist, we would.

4) In the end, being honest always beats being polished. We want our celebrities, our CEOs, anyone we follow, to be, more than anything, REAL. That means never knowing what’s coming next. If you’re afraid to be real because of one little screwup, you don’t deserve an audience to begin with.

Tell me what I’m missing, agree, or disagree with me below.