But – Part of succeeding in business has to involve knowing when the bend, or even break the rules. There will never be a rule that can be designed for every single situation without fail. Every situation is different, and anyone in charge of enforcing the rules needs to understand that. No business will thrive (or even survive) if they don’t know when to bend or break a rule.

With that said, allow me to introduce you to The Helena. A gorgeous “green” rental building on 57th Street, with beautiful unobstructed views of the Hudson River, sunset, and New Jersey, it’s a place I called home for seven years prior to buying my new apartment near Times Square a few months ago. As anyone who ever visited me knows, it’s by all accounts, a stunning building, if not a little far west.

I moved in back when the building wasn’t even finished yet. I was the third tenant in the entire building, and the only tenant on my floor for close to eight months, because mine was the only apartment on the floor that was finished. I spent the first six months there listening to the wind rattle through the building, since my apartment was the only one on the floor to have windows installed.

I fell in love with the building, with the doormen and porters, with the garage attendants and the neighbors. Everything about the building was awesome, and I told anyone who would listen how great it was. I am personally responsible for bringing in at least six tenants over my time in the building.

When I bought my new apartment, I still had a few months left on my lease. I went to the management office to ask if I could be let out of my lease early, explaining that I was in one of the coveted two-bedroom apartments, that could be easily rented out, since every time my lease came up for renewal, I’d get a note from management asking if I was leaving, since they always have people ready to take a two-bedroom.

In no uncertain terms, I was told “no.” “Oh, those are really hard to rent,” said Jim Manning, the head of the leasing office. “Funny, I said – you always said you had people looking.” “Oh,” he said, “Well, that was before.” Before what, I don’t know, but whatever.

Here’s the funny part – Letting me out of my lease early is NOT the rule I’m talking about bending. I signed a lease, and I bought my new apartment knowing I still had a few months left. That’s fine – That’s my problem, not theirs.

At around the same time, one of my closest friends, Becca, came home to her place downtown after a business trip to find that a pipe had burst in a neighbors apartment, flooding her apartment, ruining most of her stuff, and making her place unlivable. Her landlord was unwilling to help her, and she needed a place to stay. I’ve known Becca forever, and immediately offered her my apartment for as long as she needed it, since I wasn’t living there anymore, but was still paying rent. She took me up on my offer, and paid me the same amount of rent she was paying in her old place each month. While I wasn’t breaking even, it was better than having to fork out the entire rent for an unused place, and I was able to help a friend. Win-win.

Management knew she was there, knew who she was, and had no problem with it whatsoever. Seemed to work out pretty well.

Fast forward to a month left on my lease. Becca tells me she wouldn’t mind taking the lease over from me when I leave. I figure this to be a win for The Helena – Becca’s already proven herself to be a trustworthy tenant, all that would be necessary would be to transfer the lease, or even have her fill out a new one for her. Everyone wins.

I mention this to the leasing office at the Helena, and they start the paperwork. Here’s where it gets insane: Her former landlord, who she’s suing because he failed to fix the apartment she was in, refuses to sign one piece of paper saying she lived there. Legally, he wasn’t even allowed to do that – if someone lived somewhere, that’s a fact. That you’re being sued by that tenant shouldn’t matter. But he didn’t. Becca had all the other paperwork done, has excellent credit, and explained to management why that piece of paper wasn’t turned in. I even called and let them know that I trusted her, that I’d been there for years without a problem, that she was there for several months without a problem.

The result from The Helena: “Sorry, the rules require us to have that document.”

*Blank stare.*

So let’s understand: In an effort to follow the “rules,” The Helena did the following:

1) They lost a trusted tenant who already had a good history with the building.
2) They angered one of their oldest tenants, who continues to have the ability to recommend that apartment building.
3) They fostered bad-will (as opposed to goodwill) by adhering to a rule that didn’t benefit anyone.
4) They did nothing to help an already damaged leasing office reputation. (See screenshot below)

So Becca’s credit was flawless. I vouched for her (as a seven-year tenant with no negative issues in seven years.) She had already become friends with the doormen and porters, and everyone knew her. She was an asset to the building. The Helena decided none of this mattered, because they “had to follow the rules.”

Bad move, Helena. Bad move.

When to Bend the Rules

Bend the rules when the only benefit of following the rule is to say “I followed the rules.” As I said earlier, no rule can be right for every situation. In this case, there was no downside in bending that one rule. The Helena chose not to, and it cost them a ton more than they gained. Know the reasons why you’re following rules, and know when to bend them.

Bend the rules when the benefit outweighs the negatives. I would have continued to say great things about The Helena, and I would have continued to recommend it to people. Becca would have done the same. Instead, the opposite happened.

Bend the rules when you have the opportunity to foster goodwill, and even remove some negativity about your brand. Check out the two comments on FourSquare about The Helena (neither left by me:)

So they already had this against them. A simple act of goodwill, that wouldn’t have cost them anything could have gone far to void these comments. If you see “Wow, leasing office went out of their way to help me, can’t recommend them enough,” that would neutralize, if not invalidate the comments above. By not doing that, you’ve only reinforced the comments above.

Finally, bend the rules just to be a good human being. You’re the manager of the leasing office. One of the ways you become manager is by demonstrating you have the ability to think critically, not just to act like a robot. You’re in charge because you can make decisions that benefit the company, not just decisions that go “by the book.”

In the end, it comes down to common sense. Know when to be a machine, and know when to be a human being. Leaning one way or another can have ripples for years to come. In this case, the ripples are negative. I get asked by people all the time where to live in Manhattan. There are lots of luxury rental buildings I could recommend. Sadly, The Helena will no longer be one of them.

However, I grew up in the 80s, when New York City didn’t have the same “Sex and the City” siren’s call that it has now. In the past ten years, I’ve seen more people come to NYC without a clue in their heads – Doing the most irresponsible stuff known to man (or woman.) Taking the subway home at 2am, drunk off their ass. Pulling out their $600 iPhone on the A train at midnight. Lost in their iPad, reading away, completely oblivious to their surroundings, and the dangers that exist.

I’ve wanted to write this post for a long, long time. If it helps one person, or prevents one mugging, (or something worse) it’s been totally worth it. I encourage you to Tweet it out, Facebook it, and pass it along to friends, family, and coworkers. There’s nothing worse than being a victim in a situation where you totally and completely didn’t have to. Sharing buttons are at the bottom for your convenience.

I want to thank Ty Francis (if you think a 6’1″ former head of security for some of Southampton’s toughest clubs doesn’t have any good safety tips, think again) as well as retired Law Enforcement Officer Clement Tang for their most valuable tips that have made this article as helpful as it is.

I’m breaking this article down into different sections, but know this – There’s not one section in here that can’t help you. Read it. Please. If we can prevent one more NY Post Headline that screams about how a young woman left a bar at 3am and wound up dead, we couldn’t ask for anything better from this article below.

General Safety Tips you should always follow, whether you live in a big city or a small town.

Don’t develop a pattern of behavior.

• A pattern is what allows bad guys to plan an attack or ambush. It allows them to track your comings and goings. So they can plan when they can safely break into your apartment.
• Vary the times you come and go.
• Vary your routes to work, school, gym and coffeehouse
• Ever notice that when President Obama goes for a run, or even travels anywhere, he never goes the same route twice? There’s a very logical reason for that. Patterns can get you in trouble. Don’t have them.

Know your surroundings

• Beware of what is normal in your neighborhood…or anyplace you frequent.
• Is that a new car on the street?
• Have those guys always hung out on that corner?
• Knowing what is normal allows you to notice the changes.  Noticing changes makes you more aware of potential dangers.  Those changes will cue you as to when something unexpected might be about to happen

We have a “gut” for a reason. 99.9% of the time, going against it is bad form.

The number one clue that something isn’t right will more than likely come from inside of you. Your gut – That “something doesn’t seem ok here” feeling you get in your stomach. Don’t ignore it! There’s a reason we have those feelings. They’re ingrained from primal instincts, from millions of years ago, when we’d turn around and find a Tyrannosaurus Rex walking behind us, sizing us up for lunch.  DO NOT IGNORE YOUR GUT. If something doesn’t seem right, it probably isn’t. Trust your gut. You have it for a reason.

Situational Awareness is your best friend. Not using it turns your surroundings into your worst enemy.

• Yes, it’s fun to play Angry Birds on the subway. But don’t you think people are looking for those who are doing exactly that? If you’re busy throwing birds at pigs, or landing planes, or even reading a book on your device, the following things are happening:
• You’re focused almost entirely on whatever you’re doing, and not on your surroundings.
• You’re not holding onto your device with any level of strength – Rather, you’re just resting it on your hands. You can’t fling birds or turn pages if you’re grasping onto a device, so you don’t do it. Instead, you just rest it there, just waiting for someone to grab it and run off the train at the next open stop.
• This isn’t limited to transportation. Using your phone while walking down the street is just as bad – It’s so easy for someone going the other way to focus on your device, grab it, and be in a running start while you’re still like “What the hell just happened?” The thief is already ten feet away and running by the time you turn around and even realize what’s going on. Good luck catching up and getting your device back.
• In the end, I know we’re not going to stop using our devices in public places. That would defeat the entire purpose of the device. What we can do, though, is at least be more aware of our surroundings when we do it. Can we look up for a second after every level and just assess our situation? That’s not that hard to do.

Have your keys in your hands

Whether going to your car, work or apartment, have your keys in your hand before you approach the door. This allows you quicker access through the door and avoids the major distraction of fumbling for keys as you reach the door. An attack is most likely to occur when you stop at a door and try to find your keys.  Your head will be down and you will neither be looking around or listen for unusual sounds (like steps coming your way).  Attacking a victim at this time also has the advantage of gaining access to whatever you were about to enter. Also, being hit with a large set of keys can often discourage an attack and holding the keys between your fingers and punching someone with them can make them very unhappy.

Small things we should all do, but rarely do.

• Wherever you are, a small powerful flashlight is one of the most important things you can have.  Even with something as innocent as a power outage, think of all the places you’ll be on any given day that have no outside windows to let in light…hallways, stairs, elevators.  A flashlight will always allow you to find your way to a safer place.
• In that same vein, don’t fall into the movie plot setup of investigating noises in the dark…that is why you have a cell phone and know how to call 911 (or just walk away)
• A whistle or other noisemaker is your friend. Attach a small whistle onto your keychain. There. Now it’s always there. Do NOT be afraid to use it to attract attention.
• Instead of yelling “HELP” when something goes wrong, yell “FIRE!” People are more likely to respond to “Fire” than to “help.”

Have a buddy system

This doesn’t mean you always have to take a buddy when you go somewhere.  It means letting someone know when you are doing something different or going someplace you haven’t been before… Also, when you plan to return.  It doesn’t mean where to start looking for the body when you are kidnapped (although it does help), but it can be very useful if should you be stranded or injured in an area that doesn’t have cell coverage. You think it’s an exaggeration? Some very logical examples that could easily happen to you

• You leave work late one night, and get stuck in the elevator, long after everyone else has gone home.
• You fall asleep on the subway and wake up lost (or worse, in the yards. I’ve seen it happen.)
• You get in a car wreck and skid off the road, down a 200 foot hill into a ravine, hidden from sight of the road.
• You get sick. Your appendix bursts. You hit your head. You name it.

Know the people in your neighborhood. When I’m walking to the gym in the dark at 5am, there’s a homeless man on the corner of 46th Street. I bring him a cup of coffee each morning. In turn, he keeps an eye on me in the dark. It’s a good trade. Do you know the people in your neighborhood? Can you call for them if you’re running away from trouble?

Don’t look like a Victim

• Victims of violent crimes like a mugging or robbery call attention to themselves by either being oblivious to their surroundings (defenseless) or by looking helpless (unable to defend themselves).
• Walk down a street with your head up and looking around.  Don’t hug either side of the sidewalk…especially not the inside where you have to pass close to doorways. For God’s sake, don’t text and walk at the same time. You’re screaming out “ROB ME!”
• Don’t stare (it can be taken as a challenge) but don’t be afraid to look at people (it isn’t an elevator).  You can nod or smile if you’d like, but beware of offering an unintended invitation.

At the end of the day, personal security and situational awareness comes down to not being clueless. I encourage you all to not be clueless.

Don’t be clueless

• Yes, it is a wonderful new world out there to explore.  But try to pay attention to the unusual when out walking.
• Has that person been behind you for a while?
• Do they stop when you stop and continue when you do?
• Do they look away when you turn to look at them?
• The easiest thing to do is go into a public place, like a coffee shop or an eatery, and have a seat…if they stop too, you might consider calling 911 and have them check out your stalker.
• The worst thing to do is continue on your way is it takes you to a less traveled area…if you can’t stop; take a longer but busier route.

I’d love to hear your tips, as well. Please post them in the comments below.

Stay sharp, stay aware, and stay safe, my friends.

Everyone is always concerned about digital espionage. “My account was hacked!” “I clicked on a bad link!” “Fifty million credit card numbers were stolen!” The fact is, however, that digital espionage is the least worrisome thing for the majority of companies. The chances of your company getting “hacked” and information being stolen is minimal, compared to getting in trouble due to the stupidity of your employees.

I was flying home this past weekend from Florida. I got into my seat and got settled. My seatmate sat down, an older gentleman in a suit and tie. We exchanged pleasantries, and he put his Bose noise-cancelers on as soon as we took off. (Bose headphones are the universal traveler sign for “leave me alone.”)

I started catching up on Dexter on my Mac. About 20 minutes in, I happened to look over to my left, and this man was reading a huge binder. Had to be at least 100 pages, if not more. He was on the first few pages. I looked over, and in giant letters, it said “KEY INVESTMENT HIGHLIGHTS.” That caught my interest, as it would anyone. Within five words, I realized that he was reading an overview of a very large media company – In another thirty seconds, I’d put it together – This guy worked for a company that was hired to help this very large media company sell themselves. In other words, a company that produces both online and offline properties, that you probably read every week, was up for sale.

My seatmate couldn’t have been more clueless. He had his headphones on, enjoying his silence, while flipping pages in this binder, taking notes, not looking up, not aware of his surroundings in the slightest. I could have been having sex with my glass of Diet Coke two inches away from him, and he never would have noticed.

He spent an hour of the flight on several pages that were titled “Liabilities” – It was all proprietary information about problems the company was having, and how they planned to fix them. Unreal.

My first thought was that I was totally out of the loop – That it was public knowledge that this company was being shopped around, and I’d just missed the news on it. But then I thought long and hard about it and realized that no, I’d have heard about this. In other words, the man sitting next to me was reading proprietary information, information that could be very, very damaging to this company if in the wrong hands, and he couldn’t have cared less about it. When I landed, I confirmed it. This was extremely private information.

I’ve often said that privacy doesn’t exist, that we all need to be smarter, that instead of working on new ways to gain more fans, perhaps we should take a day and work on situational awareness!

I decided to see how out of it he really was, and also prove a point. Check this out.

Heavily Redacted by Me

This is one of a handful of photos I took with both my iPad and my Droid. Just to see if I could, which obviously, I could.

The man next to me caught a break that day. I’m not a dick. I’m not going to name the company, nor the company he works for (which was on the bottom of every page of the report.) But I have a feeling I’m in the minority here.

Guys, we have to be smarter than this. We simply have to. We can’t afford not to. Here are four tips on how to be:

1) Assume you’re always being watched. When I went to high school, there was a giant fountain across the street. Not a week went by when some idiot kid didn’t dump a box of Tide into the fountain. Why? Because in the 80s, surveillance cameras were hella expensive, and very few businesses could afford them. Now? They’re about $20, a good one for $50, and they’re EVERYWHERE. For kicks, I walked around the block this morning from where I live. Only counting the ones I could see in plain sight, I counted over 100 in a one block radius, including stores, banks, red-light cameras, etc. And those were only the ones we could see. 100! In a one block radius! Assume everything you do can be watched, and probably is. You have to assume this for everything, from your work life to your personal life. It means you’ll be seen doing anything stupid that could get you in trouble, from doing drugs with people you assume are friends, to meeting someone for insider information in a parking lot. It’s too easy to get caught nowadays.

2) Assume most people are much less nice than me. I knew immediately what I was looking at, and also that I’d never go public with the information. Why would I? What could I gain from it? How would it help me? But think about all the people it could hurt – Innocent people who just happen to be involved with the company, for starters. It’s really easy to assume people are nice until proven otherwise. Sadly, I’ve learned that assuming all people are nice can get you into trouble. I’m not saying don’t be nice to people you meet – But don’t start sharing information with people until you truly trust them. In other words, enter every interaction with a healthy dose of cynicism. That’s not a bad thing. It’s a smart thing.

3) It’s always little things that will nail you. You have any idea how many times I’ve been in an airport or hotel lounge, when I’ve heard someone spouting off their credit card to the person they’re talking to? Or explaining, step by step, their entire itinerary, while their home address sits on their luggage? Or when they get up to go to the bathroom and leave their laptop, unlocked, along with their passport and jacket at their chair? It’s mind-blowing. I’ve followed people to their gate because they’re talking about something personal – Not because I want to know more, but because I’m curious as to if they’ll ever catch on that I’m listening to every word. I’ve even WRITTEN THINGS DOWN THAT THEY’VE SAID, in plain sight of them, again, just to see if they notice. They don’t. Situational awareness, people. We need to pull our heads out of our collective smart-phone asses and start realizing what the hell is going on around us!

4) As always, alcohol comes into play. Some of the most fun I’ve ever had in my life has come at events where I’ve stayed sober, and then spent hours listening to people drone on about anything and everything, some of it incredibly personal, to anyone who will listen. Why would you do that to yourself? I still say the best way to get drunk is with a trusted friend, in your own home. Anything else just asks for trouble.

I’d suggest that we make 2012 the year we become smarter – But I’ve been suggesting that for years. And it never seems to happen.

We need to be smarter.

Ever been in a situation where you’ve witnessed someone implode from sheer stupidity? Let me hear it.

Postscript: I’m not immune, either. I’ve done it once or twice. Also, don’t bother posting how you think I’m a dick for taking the photo above. Sorry, but I don’t buy that. I’m doing this as a public service. What if I really was a dick, and did it to bring down the company?

He mentions that he’s just met someone about eight weeks ago and really likes her. Then he says something that jolts me out of my “casual chat” comfort zone.

“You’re married, and obviously older. Can I ask you some advice?”

*Blink.* I wanted to say “first piece of advice, you little shit, is to not call out the fact that I’m “obviously” older.” But I let it go.

He wanted advice on how to deal with this new girl in his life. It started me thinking – We’re asked for advice almost constantly, and usually, with very little background knowledge on what the problem is. As someone who’s thrilled that a month in on his marriage, he hasn’t done anything to cause Mrs. @petershankman to run away screaming, I’m hardly the best person to ask.

With that, I realized that we should all have five “go-to” pieces of advice that can be used universally, for almost any problem, anytime, anywhere. They’re not BS pieces of advice, as they really work. They’re also not designed to get the other person to go away. They’re designed to help, with limited information, the best you can. So here there are.

5) Advice: Don’t overthink things. Chances are, whatever problem you’re having, if you’re coming to someone else for advice, you’re at the point where you’ve done nothing but think about it for hours, days, maybe even longer. Perhaps that’s a mistake. Perhaps the answer is already there, but you’re so busy thinking about the problem, that you can’t see the answer in front of you. In other words, make sure you see the forest for the trees. Advising people not to overthink things can change their perception of their problem.

4) Advice: Let go of the anger, it’s not helping you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked for advice from someone who’s angry. Whether they feel wronged, neglected, hurt, or ignored, they’re definitely not thinking clearly, because anger is clouding their judgement. Letting go of anger is like Windexing your soul. All of a sudden, you can see more clearly, make more rational decisions, and imagine a better outlook. Advising people to let go of their anger is a universal play.

3) Advice: Take some time away from the problem. Some of the best solutions to problems come when we just shut off our brain, and go do something else. Whether it’s playing golf, building a house of cards, volunteering to help build a home, or even running or skydiving – sometimes, leaving the problem behind for a little while as we do something else can have wonderful effects. We return with a clearer head, a better brain chemistry filled with new dopamine receptors and neural passageways, and a better mind in which to face the problem. And more often than not, that’s probably the only thing we need to get us past the bump that’s preventing us from solving the bigger problem in the first place. Advising people to take some time away for a little bit gives them a new way to see things.

2) Advice: If all things are equal, do that which is more fun. Often, the advice asked for is on which choice to make – say, two different job offers, or two potential places to live. I’m a big believer that without fun in our lives, we wind up old, crotchety, frustrated, and sad. Without fun, there’s no point. If I have two equal choices, and the only difference is which one would offer more fun, I’ll always choose the one with more fun. Advising someone to have more fun is good for them, good for you, and good for the universe.

1) Advice: No matter how dark things seem, there’s always light somewhere. Sometimes, we’re asked for advice on a truly devastating problem, one that there doesn’t appear to be a way out. But every problem has a way out. It might not be the way out they want, but it’s a way out regardless. And those way outs tend to bring some level of comfort at the end. So even if the advice requires descending into darkness for a bit, know that there’s light at the end of every situation. The only job they have to do is to continue to move towards it. Advising someone that it truly will get better (because it always does) is the best thing you can do.

Any other universal pieces of advice? I’d love to hear them below.

1) May 2012 be the year that passive aggressive status updates cease. It’d be so nice to see a status update from someone that simply says “I’m pissed off, I need to blow off some steam,” as opposed to “I wish that I lived in a world where people kept their promises and didn’t lie to get what they wanted while other people were left hoping that happens.” Passive-agressiveness helps no one. Don’t be a part of the problem.

2) May 2012 be the year that all of the self-appointed gurus, experts, and rock-stars fall off cliffs to their mangled, bloody deaths into the oceans of anonymity, thousands of feet below.

3) May 2012 be the year that the TSA either gets its shit together, or gets disbanded in favor of transportation security that’s actually effective, useful, and serves a purpose other than theater.

4) May 2012 be the year of the least amount of public information about any of the Kardashians.

5) May 2012 be the year where we all get smart enough to stop auto-linking every single niche social network to Twitter and Facebook. No one EVER needs to know that you’re ordering a mocha latte at Starbucks, or walking through the locker room at your gym.

6) May 2012 be the year that everyone becomes smart enough to realize that if the incident happens, even if there’s no one with a camera within a hundred miles, it’ll probably wind up online, and that the best way to avoid that happening is to make sure you aren’t part of the incident in the first place. This goes for anything involving alcohol, public nudity, arguments, or stuff that happens in a men’s bathroom.

7) May 2012 be the year that people learn the difference between “there,” “their,” and “they’re.”

8) May 2012 be the year that people stop using “password” as their password.

9) May 2012 be the year that people stop reacting to emails, posts, or tweets that purportedly comes from a friend, yet doesn’t seem to be written in the same language they normally use, and usually has a link that ends in .ru.

10) May 2012 be the year I learn to be a better listener .

11) May 2012 be the year that United Airlines puts flat-bed seats on their EWR-LAX run.

12) May 2012 be the year that I exceed 2011′s number of speaking and consulting gigs.

13) May 2012 be the year that HARO breaks over 1,000,000 users.

14) May 2012 be the year that DailyWorth, SnapGoods, Namely, Trippy, ScotteVest, Right Next Door, Pixability, and all the companies in whom I’ve invested and for whom I advise break out into the mainstream and earn a ton of money.

15) May 2012 be the year NASA the Wondercat gets a new brother or sister

16) May 2012 be the year more of us learn the value and pure joy in volunteering, donating, or helping others.

17) May 2012 be the year I have an incredibly great Ironman NYC, but may it also be the year that I stay HEALTHY, and don’t obsess over my weight, every bite of food I eat, or what morsel contains how many calories.

18) May 2012 be the year I finally take a honeymoon with my new wife.

19) May 2012 be the year that the world becomes a better place because of something each of us has done during it.

20) May 2012 finally be a year of peace, happiness, love, and prosperity for all of us.

Happy New Year, my friends. Thank you for being here.