It came from a PR person who was pitching me a new product – A shirt. Yes, a shirt. Nothing special about the shirt, it was simply a new style from a new designer. But here’s what gets me: The subject line of the email was: “Hi! Can I borrow your audience?”

(Insert blogging-car-skidding-to-a-halt sound here…)

Can you borrow my… Hold up… WHAT?

Can you “BORROW MY AUDIENCE?”

Are you serious?

OK. Not even taking into account the fact that my audience… IS AN AUDIENCE, and not, say, A SPATULA, no, you can’t “borrow my audience.”

Let’s understand something – My audience is the most important thing to me in my world, next to my wife and cat. I’ve spent YEARS and YEARS cultivating my audience. I’ve spent countless nights figuring out what my audience wants, how they want it, and what they’re going to want next. I’d take a bullet for my audience.

Without my audience, I have no business, I have no revenue, I have nothing.

My audience is my life. And you want to come over and “borrow it?” I don’t know you! Why don’t l let  Michael Milken “borrow” my AmEx while I’m at it? I’m sure it’ll be fine.

You can’t borrow my audience – But you CAN build one of your own. Here’s how:

1) Understand that having an audience is a privilege, not a right. I say this all the time, and I’m saying it again – It’s like wearing spandex. That too, is a privilege, not a right. We’re born as free people with certain unalienable rights, but guess what – Having a bunch of people who will listen to you and buy from you is NOT one of them. You have to EARN that. Once you accept that you don’t just “get” an audience, like Jewish kids get a Bar-Mitzvah when they turn 13, the quicker you’ll start to understand how to get one.

2) An audience is built over time, and on one simple premise: Give them what they want. Audiences today are mobile. They can go anywhere, anytime, by clicking a mouse or scrolling off your site. Want them to listen to you, or even more, buy from you? Give them what they want, how they want it. They on Facebook? Reach out to them there. They like emailing you? Email them back. And for God’s sake, do it from an email that’s real – Like yours. Not “donotreply@I’manidiot.com”

3) How do you find out where the audience is? ASK THEM. You have their information! Try this! Go to your fan page and ask the question – “Hey – How do you like to be contacted by us when we have a special for you?” Then actually read the answers and act accordingly! This isn’t rocket science.

4) Have content that your audience actually WANTS. You know what would happen if I let every journalist “borrow” my audience to promote their crap? I wouldn’t have an audience! Why? Because audiences like people to STAY ON TOPIC. Imagine going to see Bon Jovi, and Jon Bon Jovi comes out and talks about tax shelters all night, and never plays “Living on a Prayer.” Not really what I paid for. Stay on topic – Had you, dear PR person, pitched me on topic about something relevant to my audience, I might have talked about it!

5) Finally, for all that’s good and holy, know what I talk about. That you pitched me on fashion is like pitching Britney Spears on child-safety. The simple act of knowing your audience will get you 5x the good attention you’d otherwise not get. Simply do some homework. There’s no excuse not to.

My audience? No. You can’t borrow it. Go get your own.

Realize – Email marketing without the right training is a way to screw up to a larger audience in a shorter amount of time. What’s so great about this merger is that you now have the tools to look at email as another marketing tool – not just something alone – In other words, you can use all of the Vocus tools – The Small Business Marketing Suite, to truly grow your business, in every facet available – email, publicity, social media, you name it. Vocus really has become the small business marketing source.

The best part about the acquisition is this – The entire Vocus family will be around to help you – Email, just like HARO and PRWeb, and all the other stars within the Vocus galaxy, is simply another way to market to your consumers. But, it needs to be done right. Got a question? Ask me. Let me help you before you send those emails out – Lest they come back to bite you. The rules are below – right below this video of me interviewing the CEO of Vocus about this exciting acquisition.

4) Stop assuming that if we’ve ever met, even once, I want to be added to every list you have. There’s a great scene in “King of the Hill,” where Peggy gets some guy’s email address at a party, and says “Well, Mr. john234@aol.com, prepare to be added to Peggy Hill’s Joke of the Day List!” You just know how annoying it is before you ever get one. Let people sign up for your list. DON’T sign them up yourself. It’s just bad.

3) Email is like really good Cumin. If you use too much of it, you’re going to ruin the dish. Email marketing isn’t to reach out and bother the customer every single day. It’s designed to create compelling content for the customer. This could be a special, a discount, or even a great story. Anything else can probably be done in a less intrusive way, like a blog post or a colooscopy.

2) I don’t know anyone named DONOTREPLY@YOURCOMPANY.COM. I’m also pretty sure I wouldn’t want to talk to anyone who puts “THIS EMAIL ISN’T MONITORED, PLEASE DON’T REPLY” as the last line in their email. You’re earning the privilege to email your audience. Be a human being when you do it.

1) Much like a bad relationship, or a bad breakfast burrito, know when it’s time to part ways. Make it easy to leave, with one click. (Anything other than that is considered SPAM) – It’s awesome to be able to grow your list – But it’s just as good to be able to let people leave when they want to – Because I guarantee this – If I can’t unsubscribe from you, the world is going to hear about it – And it won’t be pleasant. One click, one away. Make that the rule you live by in email marketing.

Bonus – Do you use Auto-Responder emails? Chances are, you’re using them wrong, too. Here’s how not to.

Give me some other ideas that work for you on email marketing in the comments below! Best comment wins a free press release from PRWeb.

I responded that today, after an awesome win, I think everyone in NYC considers the Giants “theirs,” and more importantly, is that really the most important thing for them to worry about in their busy day?

To which I get this vitriolic reply, stating that I’m completely full of shit, and that I’m nothing but a braggart, who should learn to be nicer to people. Me. I should learn to be nicer to other people. The guy who invites anyone to ask me any question, anytime, about anything. Me. I should be nicer to people because some idiot told me that I’m a terrible person for calling them “My Giants.” OK.

Funny thing was, that didn’t bother me so much as the way the person framed his reply. He started with this: “Well, I have two degrees in Psychology, and I can tell you that…”

That right there pretty much caused me to tune him out. (Well that and two other things: His AOL address (I know it shouldn’t matter, but we all know it does,) and his signature file, which included his mobile number, and next to it, the words “Don’t ever text me.”) That’s fine. Between your “no texting” rule and your AOL address, 1991 called, they want you back. Go hang out with C+C Music Factory while you’re at it.

Look – I usually spend most my time explaining that our lives should be primarily about helping other people. More specifically, I suggest that if we help other people, then any self-promotion we do becomes more about “helping” and less about “self-promotion, and that’s beneficial to us. And I stand by that.

But – The problem comes when someone tries to use “help” as a way to just start shit, which is exactly what Mr. “2 degrees and don’t text me” did. His whole email to me was based on him “helping me” “I’m trying to help you better yourself.” Specifically, he informed me that (his words now) no one who reads the HARO cares where you are or that you’re wiping your ass.” So in his 2-degree mind, he probably honestly believed that he was doing me a benefit by insulting me and telling me that every way I run the HARO was in fact, wrong. Never mind the fact that I’ve built HARO into a multi-million dollar business, helped thousands of businesses grow, and made thousands of friends, colleagues, and acquaintances along the way – Because 2-degree man thought I was pompous, then of course, I must be, and every single one of you who consider yourselves my friend, is 100% wrong. Shame on you.

So I offer you this: Help, when asked for, is a benefit, a great thing, and can allow you to not only grow your business, but increase your positive brand, increase your revenues, bring you new clients, and yes, even help friends out. But – When it’s not asked for, and you present it like the way our friend did above, chances are pretty high that you’re going to look like a douche.

You’ll look like a douche if you offer non-asked for help in a douchey way, as well. Tell me that “no one cares when I wipe my ass” is something reserved for my wife to say to me, and maybe not even then. Want to help? Don’t be a douche. Be nice. Or, if someone really pisses you off that much, simply ignore them! What could you possibly expect to get out of “helping” me the way you did this morning? Did you think I’d thank you for your attempt, after telling me how much I piss you off? If we were friends for years? Sure – Go for it. Tell me to change – I’d appreciate that. But here’s the thing: I have no idea who this guy is. For that matter, I don’t know if he’s male or female, because he has an AOL address (one name, no first or last name) and the signature file was too busy telling me “DON’T TEXT ME” for me to care.

I guess my point here is this: Wanting to help isn’t the same as criticizing. Until you know the difference, perhaps you shouldn’t offer? You’d think after two psychology degrees, one would – But hey… What do I know? I just spend all my time helping people the right way – Usually via text – And from a real email account.

Thoughts?

When HARO was acquired by Vocus in June of 2010, I promised that there’d be no changes to the HARO – It’d still be free, it’d still do everything we told you it would do, and that when we did have changes, they’d benefit you, and you’d hear it here first.

All of those things are still true. And today, we’ve got some really, really great news.

First off – Still want the HARO the way it is, free, with nothing else? Done. You got it. We promised we’d never take that away, and we won’t.

There are some good optional changes coming, though, and I want to share them with you.

In a few weeks, we’re going to debut the dawn of the new HARO.

One of the biggest requests we get from you is to have the ability to customize the queries you receive. While I personally think it’s cool to be able to read all the queries, because you never know where one might fit in your life, you’ll soon have the ability to receive only the queries you want to receive, and you can filter them down by keyword. So, only want to receive queries relating to Manatees? Done. Finance? Done. Strip clubs in Lima, Peru? Done. The option to receive only those queries you want to get has been the number one request for a while now. So there. You got it.

I get tons of emails all the time – “Peter, I saw a query last night on Peru strip clubs, but I accidentally deleted the email. Do you have it?” And I always answer you back. (Meaning I forward the emails on to our editors, who answer you back.) But now, you won’t have to ask. You’ll be able to initiate a a search, anytime you want, of all open and active journalist queries on HARO. That means, any query by any journalist that hasn’t ended (via their deadline) will come up in your keyword search. This will be another way to target specific outlets with your specific news.

You’ll be able to create a bio and profile on our site now – Meaning that you can point the journalist right to the key information about you or your company. This will save you tons of time when pitching, and the journalist will know they can safely click through to the link you provide them.

I’m excited about this one – SMS alerts. You’ll be able to get SMS alerts when any queries match your specific keywords, allowing you to be ready to answer the HARO as soon as it hits your inbox.

Finally, (and this is cool…) You’ll have the option of an “Early reply/delayed send” feature. Essentially, it means that if a query comes up that matches your keywords, you’ll have the option of being notified about it as soon as it hits our system, but before the HARO goes out to the masses, giving you more time to craft a response. But, (and this is important) When you send the response through our system, it’ll be held until the HARO with that specific query in it goes out to the masses. In other words, while you’ll have more time to compose your response, it’ll be sent when the query is made public to the masses – This way, our members who choose to stick with the original HARO won’t be shut out, and everyone stays on a level playing field.

Of course, some of these new features will cost some money, and they won’t be for everyone. And that’s cool. The regular, free HARO will never change, and you’ll still get it in your inbox, three times a day. But for those who want a little something more, now you have the option to get it.

I think this is the best of all possible worlds. I made you a promise that the HARO would stay the same when it was acquired, and I’ve kept that promise. We’ve added on some new features, and we think you’re going to like them. It’s funny – I kind of feel like Jeff Smisek. Perhaps I’ll start repainting some planes and co-locating some facilities.

Seriously, though, we’re excited for these new changes, and I think you will be, too. As always, I want to hear what you think. Questions? Comments? Leave them below, and let me know what you think.

And, as always, thanks for being here.

-Peter Shankman

The fun part about grabbing someone else’s ID (other than the fact that I can ask them what they think of the keynote they’re about to hear and they don’t realize that they’re talking to him) is that I get to hear unfiltered information about what scares these people – what these small business owners think about social media – and more often than not, why they believe social media to be complete bullshit, and not worth their time.

Why is that important ? It’s important because I can tailor my speech to those specific people who don’t believe that they’re going to get anything out of what I’m saying. The ones who’ve gone to countless speeches like these in the past – Those radio-sponsored “business breakfasts” where they listen to some full-of-it “social media guru” talk about the coolness of social media and how it can save them.

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. NO CEO THINKS THAT “COOL” TRUMPS “REVENUE,” AND YOU SHOULDN’T EITHER. The speakers who get on stage and tell you how “cool” social media is and how is good for only “your brand” are full of it. Below, I’m going to give you seven ways that your small business can use social media TO GENERATE REVENUE, TODAY. Retweet this. Repost this. Link to it. Feel free. Why? Because I’m simply sick to death of these snake oil salesmen posing as “social media gurus,” charging you thousands of dollars to listen to them tell you how they can save you. BULLSHIT.

Remember HARO? I started HARO. It was a social media company that generated over a million dollars a year in actual revenue, and when I sold it, I sold it on the merits of what it DID, not some “I make my money by talking about social media” crap.

TWEET THIS: The biggest problem with Social Media is that too many people talk about it and not enough people ACTUALLY USE IT TO GENERATE REVENUE.

So let’s use it. The following are tips for small to mid-size businesses – They’re the kind of stuff companies ask me for all the time. I charge for this stuff. But rather than do that today, I’m giving it away below. Enjoy it. Use it Call it your own if you want. I won’t know. (But Karma will.) The main reason I’m doing it is because I’m sick of these charlatans saying they have all the answers, and they’ve never done one bit of real social media in their lives. That goes for those heads of PR and marketing firms who’ve told their clients that they can handle their “social media for them” and don’t have the first clue as to how to do it.

Marketing in the form of social media, to drive sales and generate revenue, makes you skilled in social media. “Having a Facebook Account” does not. “Speaking about Twitter” does not. Saying you have “Influence” does not. Having “guru,” “expert” or “rock star” in your name, ID, or business card, most certainly does not. Stop believing the charlatans who show you 100 twitter followers and expect you to believe that they can cure cancer. They’re angering the universe. Trust me. The universe will kill them soon. Believe in what works, and nothing else.

IF YOU’RE A RESTAURANT: Get to know tools like Foursquare and Facebook Places. Teach each server who works for you to recognize the signs of someone who uses Foursquare, Places, or the like: They keep their device on the table, they talk about “checking in.” Have those servers ask their customers if they use those location based games. If they do, have the servers offer a free drink or appetizer. Explain what it means to be a “mayor,” and why that’s beneficial to your establishment. Explain to them why they should help your customers use these technologies. Most importantly, explain to your servers that THEY represent your establishment, and without them, your restaurant is history, as is their job. The goal is to get customers to come back, bring friends, and spend more money. IT’S NOT ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA, IT’S ABOUT GROWING YOUR RESTAURANT.

IF YOU’RE A LANDSCAPING BUSINESS: Photos and videos are your friends. Why do people hire you? They hire you because they have EGOS. Lets face it – EGOS SELL. If I want my property to look better than the Kleinman’s property, I hire the best landscaper. That’s YOU. Want to use social media to GET MORE CLIENTS and make more money? Go out and buy a good digital camera/video camera. Check out the Canon G11 – I use it and love it. Then learn to use it, and shoot what you’ve done! So many social media hucksters have NOTHING to back up what they’ve done – YOU DO! You have your clients and your work! Made an amazing lawn? Shoot it! Made some kind of waterfall, the type that I can only imagine because I live on the 30th floor of a high-rise in NYC? Video it! Post it on Vimeo.com, and let people see it! That’s REAL social media because you’ve done it and are sharing it! That’s truth. Go forth and spread it, most awesome landscaper! IT’S NOT ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA, IT’S ABOUT SHOWING THINGS YOU’VE DONE THAT WILL BRING NEW PAYING CLIENTS.

IF YOU’RE AN ACCOUNTANT/FINANCIAL PLANNER: OMG, how boring! Right? That’s what most people say when they hear that you work as an account or financial planner. OK, that may be true for some of you. But if you’re an accountant or financial planner who has the most basic knowledge of social media and how it relates to your industry, then not so much. How about starting a basic twitter feed that you populate every day with the top two stories about your industry? “What will this five minutes out of my day possibly do,” you ask! Well, if you’re an accountant/financial planner trying to grow your business and get new customers, check this out: You post one or two stories per day about your industry – perhaps they’re the stories you find interesting and think others might find interesting – you post them, and what happens – people find them, and retweet them – repost them on Facebook – All of sudden, you’re a CURATOR! You’re one of those people who knows about the trends before they become trends! What happens then? The media starts following you, and you get called on by them, get quoted in the paper, on TV, on the radio, and online on a regular basis, and how about that, new people start calling you out of the blue, asking if they can be your clients – Where do you think they came from? From the media! And where did the media come from? From your brilliant use of social media. To quote the chief of police from the movie Casablanca, “I’m shocked, shocked to find that there’s gambling going on in here!” Face it – This isn’t rocket science!! You’re simply employing common sense –something the charlatans won’t tell you actually works – because it takes away from their revenue. Screw them. Make their revenue yours. IT’S NOT ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA: IT’S ABOUT USING THESE TOOLS TO PROVE YOU KNOW MORE THAN YOUR COMPETITORS AND ARE BETTER THAN THEM AND DESERVE NEW CLIENT BUSINESS.

IF YOU’RE A REALTOR: As someone who’s currently in contract for an apartment in New York City, this really hits close to home. If you’re a realtor, social media is SCREAMING for you to pay attention. What are you selling? Location, image, and the like. Come on! You should have a digital camera with video inserted under your skin! Your industry was BORN for social media! A new property comes on the market? Get video of the best parts of it – But not from the traditional boring “front of property,” “back of property,” kitchen view” way. Figure out cool ways to do it! Current family got a swingset in the back? Shoot video of the house from the swingset – It’s different, and anyone with kids will appreciate it. Selling mostly to families with school-age kids? Take the flipcam, duct-tape it to the grill of your car, and SHOW, IN REAL TIME, how close the best school in the district is to the house! Why? Because no one else is doing it, and that’s something different! And let’s face it, realtor – if you’re using social media, you’re doing it to make a good commission. So take these ideas and build on them. Why? Because they’ll sell properties. And in the end, those properties will make you a commission. And I gonna go old school here – What are you gonna do with your commission? “I was going to take my commission, and buy Ferris a car.” Use social media, do it in a new and exciting way, make a commission from it, and buy Ferris a car! IT’S NOT ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA, IT’S ABOUT SHOWING THROUGH THIS NEW TECHNOLOGY THAT YOU’RE GOING TO HELP SELL OR BUY A HOME FOR SOMEONE WHO WANTS IT.

IF YOU’RE A MOVING COMPANY: If you’re a moving company, then welcome to social media. Last time I moved, I went online to ask for recommendations for good moving companies. You know what I got? Companies who didn’t screw my friends, and that was it. Forget about GOOD moving companies, I got moving companies similar to cell-phone companies – recommendations to the companies who sucked the LEAST. Really? Is that how you want to help grow your industry? By being thought of as the company that sucks the least? Please. How about this: You offer your next client 15% off the cost of their move if they allow you to film the entire move. How do you do that? You go to Amazon and buy three GoPro helmet cams, the same kind I use when I fall from perfectly good airplanes. Then you ask a few of your best movers to wear them the next move they do. They put them on their heads, and everything they do, the gopro films. Because you’re an awesome moving company, the gopro films your best movers being oh-so-careful with the client’s property. When the move is done, you’ve got what, two hours of video of stuff being moved. OK. Great. That’s boring as hell. BUT – What if you take that film, speed it up so that the entire video is sixty seconds in length, then you add a fun soundtrack to it (Think the Benny Hill TV Show theme) and that becomes the first thing people see when they hit your website? They get funny yet real video of a real person’s belongings being taken care of, and you get… wait for it…. Wait for it…. A new client. How about that? You’ve just used social media to land countless new clients. Cost: About $150 for the GoPro. (And you thought GoPros were just for skydivers and mountain bikers.) IT’S NOT ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA, IT’S ABOUT PROVING THAT WHEN A POTENTIAL CLIENT NEEDS YOU, YOU CAN BACK UP YOUR CLAIMS WITH REAL-WORLD EXAMPLES THAT WIL TURN POTENTIAL CLIENTS INTO REAL CLIENTS.

IF YOU’RE A SEAMSTRESS WHO WORKS WITH FABRIC: This one is awesome. So I get an email out of the blue, from someone who says “Hey, I’ve been following your blog because I get the HARO, and I’m a seamstress who has started an event company that makes events out of fabric – If a company wants to hold an event, we’ll produce it.” (Email me if you want their info.) I was like, “OK, that’s weird, but whatever,” until I noticed they had an attachment to the email. Normally, I hate attachments, but since it was a .jpeg, I was ok with it – I opened it – It was my logo, on a pair of running shorts. Think about this for a second: This company was smart enough to realize that I was an exercise geek, ran all the time, yet was still involved in social media. So they made me running shorts with my blog logo on them. What does that tell you? That this Seamstress/Fabric company went out of their way to identify not only me, but what I’d recognize – Why aren’t you doing this? Why isn’t your company assigning one person to say “hey, this is a way to get noticed and perhaps generate revenue? It is. I can attest to that. I’ve given this company business already. IT’S NOT ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA, IT’S ABOUT TAKING THE MOST RANDOM, NON-SOCIAL-MEDIA THING (LIKE FABIRC) AND FIGURING OUT A WAY TO TIE IT IN, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT WORKS!)

IF YOU’RE A MARKETING/PR FIRM: OK, if you’re a marketing firm, do I really need to make this any clearer? If you’re a company that does any of what I’ve talked about in the past three pages, don’t you think you can figure something out that’s in some way related to what I’ve talked about, and figure out a way to connect what’s here to what you do? I’m sure you can. Because come on, if you can’t, do you really think it’s ok to call yourself a marketing firm? IT’S NOT ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA. IT’S ABOUT BEING SMARTER AND REALIZING THAT SOCIAL MEDIA IS SIMPLY ANOTHER MARKETING CHANNEL TO WHICH YOU SHOULD BE LEADING YOUR CLIENTS.

OK. There you go. Seven ways to grow your small business using social media. Didn’t cost you a penny, you didn’t have to go to some BS breakfast, and you didn’t have to waste your time. So the rest of it is up to you. Will you use what I gave you here, or will you just spend your money and hire someone with no reputation because “it’s easier?” It’s your call.

Thanks for reading.