I responded that today, after an awesome win, I think everyone in NYC considers the Giants “theirs,” and more importantly, is that really the most important thing for them to worry about in their busy day?

To which I get this vitriolic reply, stating that I’m completely full of shit, and that I’m nothing but a braggart, who should learn to be nicer to people. Me. I should learn to be nicer to other people. The guy who invites anyone to ask me any question, anytime, about anything. Me. I should be nicer to people because some idiot told me that I’m a terrible person for calling them “My Giants.” OK.

Funny thing was, that didn’t bother me so much as the way the person framed his reply. He started with this: “Well, I have two degrees in Psychology, and I can tell you that…”

That right there pretty much caused me to tune him out. (Well that and two other things: His AOL address (I know it shouldn’t matter, but we all know it does,) and his signature file, which included his mobile number, and next to it, the words “Don’t ever text me.”) That’s fine. Between your “no texting” rule and your AOL address, 1991 called, they want you back. Go hang out with C+C Music Factory while you’re at it.

Look – I usually spend most my time explaining that our lives should be primarily about helping other people. More specifically, I suggest that if we help other people, then any self-promotion we do becomes more about “helping” and less about “self-promotion, and that’s beneficial to us. And I stand by that.

But – The problem comes when someone tries to use “help” as a way to just start shit, which is exactly what Mr. “2 degrees and don’t text me” did. His whole email to me was based on him “helping me” “I’m trying to help you better yourself.” Specifically, he informed me that (his words now) no one who reads the HARO cares where you are or that you’re wiping your ass.” So in his 2-degree mind, he probably honestly believed that he was doing me a benefit by insulting me and telling me that every way I run the HARO was in fact, wrong. Never mind the fact that I’ve built HARO into a multi-million dollar business, helped thousands of businesses grow, and made thousands of friends, colleagues, and acquaintances along the way – Because 2-degree man thought I was pompous, then of course, I must be, and every single one of you who consider yourselves my friend, is 100% wrong. Shame on you.

So I offer you this: Help, when asked for, is a benefit, a great thing, and can allow you to not only grow your business, but increase your positive brand, increase your revenues, bring you new clients, and yes, even help friends out. But – When it’s not asked for, and you present it like the way our friend did above, chances are pretty high that you’re going to look like a douche.

You’ll look like a douche if you offer non-asked for help in a douchey way, as well. Tell me that “no one cares when I wipe my ass” is something reserved for my wife to say to me, and maybe not even then. Want to help? Don’t be a douche. Be nice. Or, if someone really pisses you off that much, simply ignore them! What could you possibly expect to get out of “helping” me the way you did this morning? Did you think I’d thank you for your attempt, after telling me how much I piss you off? If we were friends for years? Sure – Go for it. Tell me to change – I’d appreciate that. But here’s the thing: I have no idea who this guy is. For that matter, I don’t know if he’s male or female, because he has an AOL address (one name, no first or last name) and the signature file was too busy telling me “DON’T TEXT ME” for me to care.

I guess my point here is this: Wanting to help isn’t the same as criticizing. Until you know the difference, perhaps you shouldn’t offer? You’d think after two psychology degrees, one would – But hey… What do I know? I just spend all my time helping people the right way – Usually via text – And from a real email account.

Thoughts?

Two of those tabs are Facebook. Facebook.com, and my (I hate this term) “like page.” I go through the people in my network, then look at any posts or comments on the “like page,” and respond accordingly. This is a daily thing. I do it every morning, whenever morning happens to fall in the part of the world I’m currently in.

This morning, though, something was different. I’d been invited to try Facebook’s new “Timeline” profile. This meant that not only did I get to see the thing they’d done this whole press conference for (hey FB, take a tip from Apple, bring Zuck on immediately, let him do his thing, and move on, the 30 minute anti-buildup didn’t help anything) but I got to see it as it would affect me personally. And for as much as I like tweeting funny, sarcastic comments during FB press conferences, I’ve got to say this: The Facebook Timeline will radically change the way you use Facebook, and the way you think about “time” as a concept.

Now before you dismiss me as a Facebook fanboy, know that I’m not. FB has done some stupid stuff in the past, (anyone remember “Beacon?”) and I’m the first to call them out on it. That’s why their Timeline is going to be so interesting. Note that I didn’t say “revolutionary,” because as cool as it is, let’s face it – it’s still just something in Facebook. It’s not discovering Einstein might have been wrong or anything.) But it’s still quite interesting.

Here’s why: When I log onto Facebook, I do so because I want to know what my friends are up to. I want to know what my colleagues are doing. I want to know what people within my world currently consider interesting. And that makes sense. Deep down, that’s the purpose of Facebook.

But, think back – That’s not why we used to log on. We used to log on to Facebook because it was cool to find out what our friends, family, and colleagues were doing, and what they thought was interesting. Lately, though, doesn’t it kinda feel like an obligation?

So last week, I checked out my profile as a timeline, and the first thing I saw was a link to “Born.” I clicked on it, and sure enough, it went back to August 6th, 19-cough, cough, and asked if I’d like to add a photo. “But Facebook wasn’t around when I was born! Why would it have a link to that,” I asked.

And then it hit me – This wasn’t about Facebook – This was about our lives. This was about a company figuring out a way for us to put our entire lives online, regardless of when we became a part of Facebook. Rather, Facebook was offering us a place to store our entire lives, from beginning to now, to the eventual end. When we became “digital” is irrelevant, we can simply add more data later. Think about it: Would we ever post the photo our parents took of us at one day old for the heck of it? Of course not. But if Facebook gives us a link on our timeline called “born,” and asks us to fill in the relevant media, chances are, we just might.
There’s a lot more about the Timeline I can share, but for now, I wont. Rather, I’ll just say this – I know that we love to complain about new changes in Facebook because, well, that’s one of those things we just love to do. But don’t. And don’t bring up the whole “Well, they can now advertise to us with even more clarity and pinpoint relevancy!” argument. Yes, they can. And that’s why Facebook is free. And the better it is for advertisers, the better it’ll actually be for you – the ads you DO see will actually be worth your while! How about that! Ads that can actually improve your lives! That, my friends, is not a bad thing, despite our overwhelming desire to automatically say it is.

Remember: As long as Facebook is free for you, you’re NOT a customer of Facebook. You’re a user of Facebook. The advertisers are customers.

If anything, the new changes, as well as Facebook’s new “frictionless sharing,” will teach us to be much more careful about what we do online. This is NOT a bad thing, at ALL. This is actually a GOOD thing, and can prevent future Congressman Weiner outbreaks by making us all smarter, collectively.

Also, 99.9% of the world won’t see these changes as a bad thing, and they won’t care that they’re giving up more privacy. Why? Because Facebook has done an amazing job of making convenience matter more than lack of privacy. They’ve always been good at that, and that’s why they continue to win. Remember that crowd-funded company that wanted to compete with Facebook last year? What ever happened to them? I don’t even remember their name.

So, in the next week or so, when the new Timelines populate into your profiles, give them a shot – Take a look, and try to look past the changes you see on the screen, and imagine what these changes mean for the future. Learn to be more aware of what you post, and realize that privacy died 30 years ago – Some of us just happen to be noticing it now.

As far as I’m concerned, the future of Facebook is pretty damn exciting.

When my alarm clock went off at 3:30 this morning, I knew I was in for a long day. I was catching a 7am flight out of Newark to Tampa, Florida, for a lunch meeting in Clearwater, then heading back to Newark on a 5pm flight, getting me in around 8:10pm, and with any luck, to my apartment by 9 or so. We all have days like that, they happen from time to time.

Made my flight, everything was on time, got to my lunch meeting. Because of the training/workout schedule I’m on, my first meal of the day was that lunch. Was fine, I had a healthy piece of grouper, and a very successful lunch meeting that lasted just about three hours.

By the time I got back to the airport, it was close to 4pm. Flight boarded at 4:30pm, and I knew that by the time I got home, I wouldn’t have time to stop for dinner anywhere, and certainly didn’t want to grab fast food at either airport. When I got on the plane, my stomach was a rumbling a bit, and I had visions of a steak in my head.

As I’ve tweeted and mentioned countless times before, I’m a bit of a steak lover. I go out of my way to try steakhouses all around the world when I can, and it’s one of the reasons, no doubt, that my trainer at my gym is kept in business. But it’s all good – give and take. Over the past few years, I’ve developed an affinity for Morton’s Steakhouses, and if I’m doing business in a city which has one, I’ll try to schedule a dinner there if I can. I’m a frequent diner, and Morton’s knows it. They have a spectacular Customer Relations Management system in place, as well as a spectacular social media team, and they know when I call from my mobile number who I am, and that I eat at their restaurants regularly. Never underestimate the value of a good CRM system.

Back to my flight. As we were about to take off, I jokingly tweeted the following:

Let’s understand: I was joking. I had absolutely no expectations of anything from that Tweet. It’s like how we Tweet “Dear Winter, please stop, love Peter,” or something similar.

I shut off my phone and we took off.

Two and a half hours later, we landed at EWR. The fact that a flight got into EWR on time during summer thunderstorm season is a miracle in itself, but that’s not important right now.

Walking off the plane, I headed towards the area where the drivers wait, as my assistant Meagan had reserved me a car home.

Looking for my driver, I saw my name, waved to him, and started walking to the door of EWR, like I’d done hundreds of times before.

“Um, Mr. Shankman,” he said.

I turned around.

“There’s a surprise for you here.”

I turned to see that the driver was standing next to someone else, who I just assumed was another driver he was talking to. Then I noticed the “someone else” was in a tuxedo.

And he was carrying a Morton’s bag.

Now understand… I’m a born-and-raised New York City kid. It takes a lot to surprise me. A LOT. I see celebrities on the Subway. I see movies being shot outside my apartment, and fake gunfire from any given CSI show, five days a week. I’m immune to surprises.

Except when they’re like this.

Alex, from Morton’s Hackensack walks up to me, introduces himself, and hands me a bag. He proceeds to tell me that he’d heard I was hungry, and inside is a 24 oz. Porterhouse steak, an order of  Colossal Shrimp, a side of potatoes, one of Morton’s famous round things of bread, two napkins, and silverware.

He hands me the bag.

I. Was. Floored.

Let’s make sure we’re clear on a few things here…

1) I was joking in my Tweet. I never, ever expected anything to come of it other than a few giggles.

2) Morton’s Hackensack is 23.5 miles away from EWR, according to Google Maps. That meant that in just under three hours, someone at Morton’s Corporate had to see my tweet, get authorization to do this stunt, get in touch with Morton’s Hackensack, and place the order. Then Morton’s Hackensack had to cook the order, get it boxed up, and get a server to get in his car, and drive to Newark Airport (never an easy task, no matter where you’re coming from) then, (and this is the part the continues to blow me away,) while all this was happening, track down my flight, where I was landing, and be there when I walked out of security!

Are you taking this all in? Because it happened to me, and I still can’t even fathom it.

Think about all the things that could have gone wrong: My flight could have been delayed or diverted. I could have exited out a different location. (Had I taken the AirTrain and not had a driver, I never would have even exited that way!) I could have just missed him all together, I could have landed early, etc., etc…

I have no doubt that countless companies think like that. They think along the lines of “Oh, too many logistics. That’ll never work,” and they leave it at that.

But what if it does work? What if it happens, and it works perfectly, and it shocks the living hell out of the person they do it to? Like it did tonight?

And what if that person’s first thought is to make it public? Like I did tonight?

We live in a world where everyone you meet is a broadcaster. Look around. Think of all your friends, all your colleagues. Do you know anyone anymore who doesn’t have a camera in their phone, or anyone who doesn’t have a Facebook or Twitter account?

As I say in my book over and over again, customer service is no longer about telling people how great you are. It’s about producing amazing moments in time, and letting those moments become the focal point of how amazing you are, told not by you, but by the customer who you thrilled. They tell their friends, and the trust level goes up at a factor of a thousand. Think about it: Who do you trust more? An advertisement, or a friend telling you how awesome something is?

Of course, I immediately tweeted out what happened:

And sure enough, Twitter lit up like a bottle rocket. Click the image to expand it, it’s worth reading.

When I got home, I actually looked inside the bag at what Morton’s gave me, and again, was blown away:

And as to be expected, the food was amazing.

Of course, there immediately came a few tweets from the other side of the camp, specifically calling out that I have over 100k Twitter followers, and if I didn’t, this never would have happened:

But you know what? I don’t think that’s the case. I don’t think it’s about my follower numbers. I think it’s about Morton’s knowing I’m a good customer, who frequents their establishments regularly. If you look at their Twitter stream, Morton’s is known for always being on the ball, thanking those who mention they’re eating there. Just a recent few tweets from Morton’s proves this:

So I don’t think the number of Twitter followers I have played a big (if any) part in this story.

So… What can we learn?

Stay on top of what people are saying about you. Respond accordingly. Perhaps most importantly, have a chain of command in place that actually lets you do these things in real time. Had Morton’s had to get permission to make this happen, at 5:10pm on a Wednesday night, there’s no way it ever would have.

Complete and utter respect and admiration to Morton’s The Steakhouse. This was the amazingly gooey icing on an already great day. Thanks, Morton’s.

PS: Possibly the greatest part of the story? NASA the Wonder Cat, (brother of Karma, who passed away a few weeks ago,) got a very unexpected dinner – not of cat food, but of several small bites of a Porterhouse steak from Morton’s Hackensack.

I used to have this totally insane, very loud friend, who’d call me up on random weekdays and be all like, “I don’t want to go to work today. Let’s go to a spa.” I usually turned her down, but the one time I went, I remember the spa having a sign that’s stuck with me to this day. It said simply…

“Embrace the Silence.”

The concept was simple. You were in a spa. You were waiting for your treatment, or just got out of one. You were relaxed. It was quiet. There was no need to talk, or jump on your mobile, or pull out your laptop. It was peaceful.

Silence reigned.

With each of us having more and more ways to communicate, perhaps it’s time we went back to that sign’s true meaning. Below are four times when you might want to just embrace the silence. Or, to put it more directly, here’s a list of times when you should just shut the hell up.

Four Times It’s Totally Appropriate To Shut the Hell Up

1) When meeting someone for the first time: It’s no secret that we all live to impress: We like to let people know how great we are the moment we see them. The thing is, if you play all your greatest hits too soon, you don’t have anything left over to pull out when you really need it. My suggestion? When you meet someone for the first time, shut up. Let THEM talk. You can learn so much about a person if you just stop talking and start listening. You learn all the things you can use – anything you have in common with them, for instance, that you can pull out whenever you need a quick boost. It’s simple: If you meet someone, let them talk ninety words to your every ten.

2) When your boss’s boss is congratulating you. It’s nice to get recognition, but it’s also a wonderful time to make yourself even more beloved than you already are. When your boss’s boss is talking to you, congratulating you, or the like, say thank you, but then, mention the real hero of the day – Your boss. By congratulating your boss and letting his (or her) boss think that he (or she) is the real hero, you’re cementing your loyalty to your boss. When your boss moves up (and he (or she) will,) you’ll be coming along for the ride.

3) While you’re not necessarily shutting up completely in this example, comparatively, you’re like a mouse, when you’re behind the moron who’s screaming and pulling his “Don’t you know who I am” routine at the airport check-in counter, or the club, or the restaurant, etc. Essentially, here’s how it goes: You wait for him to finish (and most probably get denied.) Then you walk up, smile at the gate agent/bouncer, maitre ‘d, etc. and pull the soft-voice “I can’t imagine how you do your job as well as you do,surrounded by such mean people.” End result: You wind up with the upgrade the moron in front of you so badly wanted.

4) When someone else is being ridiculously loud on their mobile phone in a public place. You’re probably thinking I’m crazy with this one – Why would you shut up, as opposed to telling them off? In some cases, you can tell them off – It depends on what they’re saying. Listen to them first. Is it a business or personal call? If person, what kind? Boring stuff? Stuff about their nail salon appointment? By all means, go over and smack them silly. But… If it’s a business call, or a personal call or some importance, don’t tell them to stop talking, do what I do: Turn on the voice recorder (or better, the video recorder) of your phone or laptop. Start taking notes. Business call? Are they mentioning names? Remember – Google is your friend. With nothing more than Google, a few key names, and their own stupidity, you can probably gain a lot of information that could be quite valuable, if you know what to do with it. Or, I guess you could just tell them to shut up.

What other times are appropriate to just shut up? Let me know in the comments.

Guess who’s keynoting it?

And guess what – Entering code PETER on this registration page will save you a TON of cash on registration. Seriously. It will, on TOP of the early registration discount. Go register now, and we’ll have a massively good time in LA.