But – Part of succeeding in business has to involve knowing when the bend, or even break the rules. There will never be a rule that can be designed for every single situation without fail. Every situation is different, and anyone in charge of enforcing the rules needs to understand that. No business will thrive (or even survive) if they don’t know when to bend or break a rule.

With that said, allow me to introduce you to The Helena. A gorgeous “green” rental building on 57th Street, with beautiful unobstructed views of the Hudson River, sunset, and New Jersey, it’s a place I called home for seven years prior to buying my new apartment near Times Square a few months ago. As anyone who ever visited me knows, it’s by all accounts, a stunning building, if not a little far west.

I moved in back when the building wasn’t even finished yet. I was the third tenant in the entire building, and the only tenant on my floor for close to eight months, because mine was the only apartment on the floor that was finished. I spent the first six months there listening to the wind rattle through the building, since my apartment was the only one on the floor to have windows installed.

I fell in love with the building, with the doormen and porters, with the garage attendants and the neighbors. Everything about the building was awesome, and I told anyone who would listen how great it was. I am personally responsible for bringing in at least six tenants over my time in the building.

When I bought my new apartment, I still had a few months left on my lease. I went to the management office to ask if I could be let out of my lease early, explaining that I was in one of the coveted two-bedroom apartments, that could be easily rented out, since every time my lease came up for renewal, I’d get a note from management asking if I was leaving, since they always have people ready to take a two-bedroom.

In no uncertain terms, I was told “no.” “Oh, those are really hard to rent,” said Jim Manning, the head of the leasing office. “Funny, I said – you always said you had people looking.” “Oh,” he said, “Well, that was before.” Before what, I don’t know, but whatever.

Here’s the funny part – Letting me out of my lease early is NOT the rule I’m talking about bending. I signed a lease, and I bought my new apartment knowing I still had a few months left. That’s fine – That’s my problem, not theirs.

At around the same time, one of my closest friends, Becca, came home to her place downtown after a business trip to find that a pipe had burst in a neighbors apartment, flooding her apartment, ruining most of her stuff, and making her place unlivable. Her landlord was unwilling to help her, and she needed a place to stay. I’ve known Becca forever, and immediately offered her my apartment for as long as she needed it, since I wasn’t living there anymore, but was still paying rent. She took me up on my offer, and paid me the same amount of rent she was paying in her old place each month. While I wasn’t breaking even, it was better than having to fork out the entire rent for an unused place, and I was able to help a friend. Win-win.

Management knew she was there, knew who she was, and had no problem with it whatsoever. Seemed to work out pretty well.

Fast forward to a month left on my lease. Becca tells me she wouldn’t mind taking the lease over from me when I leave. I figure this to be a win for The Helena – Becca’s already proven herself to be a trustworthy tenant, all that would be necessary would be to transfer the lease, or even have her fill out a new one for her. Everyone wins.

I mention this to the leasing office at the Helena, and they start the paperwork. Here’s where it gets insane: Her former landlord, who she’s suing because he failed to fix the apartment she was in, refuses to sign one piece of paper saying she lived there. Legally, he wasn’t even allowed to do that – if someone lived somewhere, that’s a fact. That you’re being sued by that tenant shouldn’t matter. But he didn’t. Becca had all the other paperwork done, has excellent credit, and explained to management why that piece of paper wasn’t turned in. I even called and let them know that I trusted her, that I’d been there for years without a problem, that she was there for several months without a problem.

The result from The Helena: “Sorry, the rules require us to have that document.”

*Blank stare.*

So let’s understand: In an effort to follow the “rules,” The Helena did the following:

1) They lost a trusted tenant who already had a good history with the building.
2) They angered one of their oldest tenants, who continues to have the ability to recommend that apartment building.
3) They fostered bad-will (as opposed to goodwill) by adhering to a rule that didn’t benefit anyone.
4) They did nothing to help an already damaged leasing office reputation. (See screenshot below)

So Becca’s credit was flawless. I vouched for her (as a seven-year tenant with no negative issues in seven years.) She had already become friends with the doormen and porters, and everyone knew her. She was an asset to the building. The Helena decided none of this mattered, because they “had to follow the rules.”

Bad move, Helena. Bad move.

When to Bend the Rules

Bend the rules when the only benefit of following the rule is to say “I followed the rules.” As I said earlier, no rule can be right for every situation. In this case, there was no downside in bending that one rule. The Helena chose not to, and it cost them a ton more than they gained. Know the reasons why you’re following rules, and know when to bend them.

Bend the rules when the benefit outweighs the negatives. I would have continued to say great things about The Helena, and I would have continued to recommend it to people. Becca would have done the same. Instead, the opposite happened.

Bend the rules when you have the opportunity to foster goodwill, and even remove some negativity about your brand. Check out the two comments on FourSquare about The Helena (neither left by me:)

So they already had this against them. A simple act of goodwill, that wouldn’t have cost them anything could have gone far to void these comments. If you see “Wow, leasing office went out of their way to help me, can’t recommend them enough,” that would neutralize, if not invalidate the comments above. By not doing that, you’ve only reinforced the comments above.

Finally, bend the rules just to be a good human being. You’re the manager of the leasing office. One of the ways you become manager is by demonstrating you have the ability to think critically, not just to act like a robot. You’re in charge because you can make decisions that benefit the company, not just decisions that go “by the book.”

In the end, it comes down to common sense. Know when to be a machine, and know when to be a human being. Leaning one way or another can have ripples for years to come. In this case, the ripples are negative. I get asked by people all the time where to live in Manhattan. There are lots of luxury rental buildings I could recommend. Sadly, The Helena will no longer be one of them.

I’m currently experiencing my “fate worse than death.” First time in about three years or so that it’s come back.

We all have one. For some, it’s as simple as sitting next to a constant-talker on a plane. For others, it’s much more complex. But we all have one. And before the comments start, I’m not putting down anyone else’s “fate worse than death,” nor am I marginalizing anything – not cancer, not child labor, nothing. This is just mine. Yes, lots of other things suck, but that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to have mine, as well.

I’ve had this specific fate worse than death for as long as I can remember – It torments me when I least expect it – It comes out of nowhere, and keeps me up at night. It’s 7:15am in Vegas now, and I’ve been up since about 3:45. It’s not the kind of fate that I can fix by doing “just one thing,” it’s something that needs time, a plan, and implementation.

Compounding the issue, my FWTD tends to leech onto all my other fears, doubts, and deeply-receded-in-my-brain issues. It takes longer for the Uptown 1 train to go from 14th Street to 18th Street than it does for my FWTD to invade all my other issues. So in addition to my FWTD, I also feel incredibly fat, ugly, slow, and hell, anything else you can think of. Greasy. I actually feel greasy.

The funny thing is, my FWTD has always been professional. There’s absolutely nothing currently wrong in my personal life. My personal life, in fact, is fine – Better than fine. I’m married to a wonderful, understanding woman, who puts up with my shit like a saint. I have an adorable, if not fat and stupid cat who loves me (or at least loves that I feed him,) and I have a loving family and family-in-law who seem to actually like me. So personally, one could say I’m kicking ass.

So what is it? Well, on the surface, it seems incredibly simple. But dig down, and it’s much, much bigger.

Here’s my FWTD: I can’t stand feeling like I’m spinning my wheels. I hate feeling like there are worms to be caught, and I’m not up early enough to catch them. I deplore feeling like the good stuff is happening, the big deals are going down, the major clients are hiring, and I’m no one has thought enough of me to include me. I feel professionally alone, like nothing I do is good enough, and I’m just going to fade into the annals of history, as a footnote on a Wikipedia page somewhere.

Of course, logically, I know that none of this is true. I have more clients than I’ve ever had, and they’re spectacular. In fact, I’m writing this from the largest five diamond resort in the world – Why? Because they’re a client. They’re paying me to help them, as are no less than six other major corporations worldwide. And that’s awesome, and by all of their accounts, I’m doing an awesome job for them. I’m still doing my job for the company that acquired HARO, and they seem quite pleased with my work. HARO continues to grow, adding new members and new sponsors each week. The free version and the paid version are increasing membership, so that’s good, as well.

My advisory/investor role continues to grow, with new announcements from these companies all the time. No complaints there.

“Then what the hell, Peter?” I’m sure you’re saying. And you wouldn’t be wrong to say it, as it seems perfectly logical that I should be thrilled with how everything is going. And I guess I am.

But There’s more. There’s more out there that I could be doing. I’m spinning my wheels. There’s a lot deals being made, both inside and outside of our industry. There are new companies being started, built, and sold, and I’m not involved. There’s expertise badly needed, and I feel like I’m not getting the call. (Which again, is crazy, since I’ve been up this morning I’ve already done a BBC interview.) But it’s not enough.

Hell, I should even be doing more skydives, and becoming a better skydiver! (I’m currently a champion in the skydiving discipline of “flailing like an idiot.”) Let’s not even delve into the fact that I’ve been eating like shit for the past week and have a half-marathon coming up next Sunday, which I’ll probably finish the following Wednesday.

So the question becomes – What do I do? How do I get out of this mood and move on? Do I start advising to more companies? Do I start consulting to more companies? Do I take a week and go to a place with no wind and pay a skydiving coach like Regan Tetlow to teach me to not suck? How do I get out of this rut?

They say “Honesty is the best policy.” So I’m here being honest. And I’m already imagining the comments – “Peter, you’ve done so much, you’re writing this from a hotel,, you’re on a plane all the time, how can you say you’re in a rut, this is a humble brag, you’re full of shit.” But here’s the thing – Human beings adapt very quickly to their surroundings. If this were all new to me, I wouldn’t be in a rut. But it’s not. I’ve been striving for success for many years. The problem is, when you strive that much, you don’t take that long to appreciate what you have. You want more. I want more. I want more success. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting more, per se. And there isn’t. We should all strive for greatness, all the time. The problem comes when you’re not getting it – If you’ve gotten it to some extend, and want more and all of a sudden you’re spinning your wheels, that’s a million times worse than never having success at all.

Nothing scares me more than mediocrity. And that’s where I feel I’ve landed.

“It is a wretched taste to be gratified with mediocrity when the excellent lies before us.”

So yeah. There’s my “fate worse than death.” I’m currently going through it, and I hate it. I need to get out of this land of mediocrity. It’s a horrible, burnt out shell of a place, where others come to die. Have you ever been here before? How have you gotten out? I welcome your thoughts below.

As always, thank you for reading.

WOOL you please go to sleep? Ha!

Cool. Glad it helped, and the basic rules in it still apply. (Use the bedroom for sleeping and sex only, drink a huge glass of water the second you wake up…) etc. Over the past year, however, I learned something really, really interesting, just from my own experience: The type of bed on which you sleep plays a huge part in how well you sleep.

Growing up, I never cared how I slept. As a college student and beyond, I slept on a crappy futon that over time got so bad, I could feel the bars of the frame through the mattress. Over time, as I got older, I treated myself to a memory-foam mattress, one of those that confirms to your body, and on which you can drop a dozen eggs and not break any of them, etc. It was super-cool, and I bought it because I finally had some money, and I was told it was the best.

Problem was, within a few years, my back started killing me. I figured it was due to workouts, being overweight, whatever. I never put two and two together, and never realized it could possibly be the bed, until I lost the weight, got married, and my wife told me in no uncertain terms that she hated my space-age bed.

At around the same time, Serta was kind enough to send me a new bed, after they found my blog post about sleep. I went to a Sleepy’s and tested out all the beds, and wound up with a Serta Perfect Sleeper. It’s not the hardest, firmest bed they make (I love hard/firm, don’t even make any jokes, thanks) but my wife loves soft and mushy. (again, no jokes.) So we wound up with a middle-ground. The nice thing about it, is that I get more sleep with it than I used to with my old mattress – And this isn’t a plug for Serta – It’s a plug for making sure you’re smart about your sleep. Here’s why:

• First thing I learned – The frame matters. If you have a crappy bed frame, the mattress sags. You don’t want that. Spend the money on a good, solid frame and box spring. It’s worth it.
• Second: Your firm/soft desire may vary, but if you weigh more than 10 pounds, firmer = better. There’s a reason countless cultures sleep on a tiny mat on the floor. I try and sleep on the floor at least twice a month. There’s something about the hardness of the floor that totally realigns my back. I’ve asked my chiropractor, and he agrees – It’s definitely beneficial to sleep on a hard surface. The only problem comes if you have any type of sleep apnea – Because you’re sleeping on your back when you’re on the floor, it could exacerbate it. Be careful.
• Third: If you happen to suspect you have sleep apnea, consider going in for a nighttime sleep study. I’m doing mine in two weeks. Basically, I’ll be wired to tubes and electrodes all night, and doctors will watch me to see if I stop breathing over the course of the evening, and how many times. Sadly, I’m afraid I already know the answer to this. :(
• Fourth: Pillows matter. I’ve always sleep on two pillows, but I’ve now trained myself to use one. I find that the less my neck bends, the better I sleep, and the better my back/neck/lower back feels the next morning. See if you can sleep with only one.
• Finally – And this one is important: I’ve stopped going to sleep on a full stomach. Your mileage may vary, but I find that if I give myself at least two hours between eating and sleeping, I sleep better, and wake up without any back pain or soreness. If I fall asleep immediately after eating, I wake up in the middle of the nit with a sore back, plus i feel totally bloated and blah. So I try to avoid that.
• Bonus tip one: More alcohol might cause you to pass out, but the sleep quality under alcohol actually sucks. Try not to drink so much before you go to bed.
• Bonus tip two: That whole “Sleep is for the weak” thing that became popular in the 80s and 90s (and that I subscribed to for a while, as well) is BS. Our bodies need sleep. Depriving them of it doesn’t help us in the long run, and some studies have shown that doing that makes us fatter, stupider, and less likely to succeed. So shut off the TV and try for your eight hours. It’s worth it.

What tips do you have for sleeping well? I’d love to hear them.

Disclosure statement: This blog was written by me with no editorial input from anyone else. Serta did send me a free mattress and box spring, but I wasn’t asked to write anything specific in exchange.