I responded that today, after an awesome win, I think everyone in NYC considers the Giants “theirs,” and more importantly, is that really the most important thing for them to worry about in their busy day?

To which I get this vitriolic reply, stating that I’m completely full of shit, and that I’m nothing but a braggart, who should learn to be nicer to people. Me. I should learn to be nicer to other people. The guy who invites anyone to ask me any question, anytime, about anything. Me. I should be nicer to people because some idiot told me that I’m a terrible person for calling them “My Giants.” OK.

Funny thing was, that didn’t bother me so much as the way the person framed his reply. He started with this: “Well, I have two degrees in Psychology, and I can tell you that…”

That right there pretty much caused me to tune him out. (Well that and two other things: His AOL address (I know it shouldn’t matter, but we all know it does,) and his signature file, which included his mobile number, and next to it, the words “Don’t ever text me.”) That’s fine. Between your “no texting” rule and your AOL address, 1991 called, they want you back. Go hang out with C+C Music Factory while you’re at it.

Look – I usually spend most my time explaining that our lives should be primarily about helping other people. More specifically, I suggest that if we help other people, then any self-promotion we do becomes more about “helping” and less about “self-promotion, and that’s beneficial to us. And I stand by that.

But – The problem comes when someone tries to use “help” as a way to just start shit, which is exactly what Mr. “2 degrees and don’t text me” did. His whole email to me was based on him “helping me” “I’m trying to help you better yourself.” Specifically, he informed me that (his words now) no one who reads the HARO cares where you are or that you’re wiping your ass.” So in his 2-degree mind, he probably honestly believed that he was doing me a benefit by insulting me and telling me that every way I run the HARO was in fact, wrong. Never mind the fact that I’ve built HARO into a multi-million dollar business, helped thousands of businesses grow, and made thousands of friends, colleagues, and acquaintances along the way – Because 2-degree man thought I was pompous, then of course, I must be, and every single one of you who consider yourselves my friend, is 100% wrong. Shame on you.

So I offer you this: Help, when asked for, is a benefit, a great thing, and can allow you to not only grow your business, but increase your positive brand, increase your revenues, bring you new clients, and yes, even help friends out. But – When it’s not asked for, and you present it like the way our friend did above, chances are pretty high that you’re going to look like a douche.

You’ll look like a douche if you offer non-asked for help in a douchey way, as well. Tell me that “no one cares when I wipe my ass” is something reserved for my wife to say to me, and maybe not even then. Want to help? Don’t be a douche. Be nice. Or, if someone really pisses you off that much, simply ignore them! What could you possibly expect to get out of “helping” me the way you did this morning? Did you think I’d thank you for your attempt, after telling me how much I piss you off? If we were friends for years? Sure – Go for it. Tell me to change – I’d appreciate that. But here’s the thing: I have no idea who this guy is. For that matter, I don’t know if he’s male or female, because he has an AOL address (one name, no first or last name) and the signature file was too busy telling me “DON’T TEXT ME” for me to care.

I guess my point here is this: Wanting to help isn’t the same as criticizing. Until you know the difference, perhaps you shouldn’t offer? You’d think after two psychology degrees, one would – But hey… What do I know? I just spend all my time helping people the right way – Usually via text – And from a real email account.

Thoughts?

He mentions that he’s just met someone about eight weeks ago and really likes her. Then he says something that jolts me out of my “casual chat” comfort zone.

“You’re married, and obviously older. Can I ask you some advice?”

*Blink.* I wanted to say “first piece of advice, you little shit, is to not call out the fact that I’m “obviously” older.” But I let it go.

He wanted advice on how to deal with this new girl in his life. It started me thinking – We’re asked for advice almost constantly, and usually, with very little background knowledge on what the problem is. As someone who’s thrilled that a month in on his marriage, he hasn’t done anything to cause Mrs. @petershankman to run away screaming, I’m hardly the best person to ask.

With that, I realized that we should all have five “go-to” pieces of advice that can be used universally, for almost any problem, anytime, anywhere. They’re not BS pieces of advice, as they really work. They’re also not designed to get the other person to go away. They’re designed to help, with limited information, the best you can. So here there are.

5) Advice: Don’t overthink things. Chances are, whatever problem you’re having, if you’re coming to someone else for advice, you’re at the point where you’ve done nothing but think about it for hours, days, maybe even longer. Perhaps that’s a mistake. Perhaps the answer is already there, but you’re so busy thinking about the problem, that you can’t see the answer in front of you. In other words, make sure you see the forest for the trees. Advising people not to overthink things can change their perception of their problem.

4) Advice: Let go of the anger, it’s not helping you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked for advice from someone who’s angry. Whether they feel wronged, neglected, hurt, or ignored, they’re definitely not thinking clearly, because anger is clouding their judgement. Letting go of anger is like Windexing your soul. All of a sudden, you can see more clearly, make more rational decisions, and imagine a better outlook. Advising people to let go of their anger is a universal play.

3) Advice: Take some time away from the problem. Some of the best solutions to problems come when we just shut off our brain, and go do something else. Whether it’s playing golf, building a house of cards, volunteering to help build a home, or even running or skydiving – sometimes, leaving the problem behind for a little while as we do something else can have wonderful effects. We return with a clearer head, a better brain chemistry filled with new dopamine receptors and neural passageways, and a better mind in which to face the problem. And more often than not, that’s probably the only thing we need to get us past the bump that’s preventing us from solving the bigger problem in the first place. Advising people to take some time away for a little bit gives them a new way to see things.

2) Advice: If all things are equal, do that which is more fun. Often, the advice asked for is on which choice to make – say, two different job offers, or two potential places to live. I’m a big believer that without fun in our lives, we wind up old, crotchety, frustrated, and sad. Without fun, there’s no point. If I have two equal choices, and the only difference is which one would offer more fun, I’ll always choose the one with more fun. Advising someone to have more fun is good for them, good for you, and good for the universe.

1) Advice: No matter how dark things seem, there’s always light somewhere. Sometimes, we’re asked for advice on a truly devastating problem, one that there doesn’t appear to be a way out. But every problem has a way out. It might not be the way out they want, but it’s a way out regardless. And those way outs tend to bring some level of comfort at the end. So even if the advice requires descending into darkness for a bit, know that there’s light at the end of every situation. The only job they have to do is to continue to move towards it. Advising someone that it truly will get better (because it always does) is the best thing you can do.

Any other universal pieces of advice? I’d love to hear them below.

1) May 2012 be the year that passive aggressive status updates cease. It’d be so nice to see a status update from someone that simply says “I’m pissed off, I need to blow off some steam,” as opposed to “I wish that I lived in a world where people kept their promises and didn’t lie to get what they wanted while other people were left hoping that happens.” Passive-agressiveness helps no one. Don’t be a part of the problem.

2) May 2012 be the year that all of the self-appointed gurus, experts, and rock-stars fall off cliffs to their mangled, bloody deaths into the oceans of anonymity, thousands of feet below.

3) May 2012 be the year that the TSA either gets its shit together, or gets disbanded in favor of transportation security that’s actually effective, useful, and serves a purpose other than theater.

4) May 2012 be the year of the least amount of public information about any of the Kardashians.

5) May 2012 be the year where we all get smart enough to stop auto-linking every single niche social network to Twitter and Facebook. No one EVER needs to know that you’re ordering a mocha latte at Starbucks, or walking through the locker room at your gym.

6) May 2012 be the year that everyone becomes smart enough to realize that if the incident happens, even if there’s no one with a camera within a hundred miles, it’ll probably wind up online, and that the best way to avoid that happening is to make sure you aren’t part of the incident in the first place. This goes for anything involving alcohol, public nudity, arguments, or stuff that happens in a men’s bathroom.

7) May 2012 be the year that people learn the difference between “there,” “their,” and “they’re.”

8) May 2012 be the year that people stop using “password” as their password.

9) May 2012 be the year that people stop reacting to emails, posts, or tweets that purportedly comes from a friend, yet doesn’t seem to be written in the same language they normally use, and usually has a link that ends in .ru.

10) May 2012 be the year I learn to be a better listener .

11) May 2012 be the year that United Airlines puts flat-bed seats on their EWR-LAX run.

12) May 2012 be the year that I exceed 2011′s number of speaking and consulting gigs.

13) May 2012 be the year that HARO breaks over 1,000,000 users.

14) May 2012 be the year that DailyWorth, SnapGoods, Namely, Trippy, ScotteVest, Right Next Door, Pixability, and all the companies in whom I’ve invested and for whom I advise break out into the mainstream and earn a ton of money.

15) May 2012 be the year NASA the Wondercat gets a new brother or sister

16) May 2012 be the year more of us learn the value and pure joy in volunteering, donating, or helping others.

17) May 2012 be the year I have an incredibly great Ironman NYC, but may it also be the year that I stay HEALTHY, and don’t obsess over my weight, every bite of food I eat, or what morsel contains how many calories.

18) May 2012 be the year I finally take a honeymoon with my new wife.

19) May 2012 be the year that the world becomes a better place because of something each of us has done during it.

20) May 2012 finally be a year of peace, happiness, love, and prosperity for all of us.

Happy New Year, my friends. Thank you for being here.

Back up, clean out. This week is the perfect chance to upgrade your computer without spending a cent. Back up all your important files to multiple places, then go through your applications one by one: If you don’t remember the last time you used one, trash it. Do the same thing on your iPhone or Droid, and all of a sudden, everything is running faster. It also helps to go to your upgrade center (app store, whatever) and make sure you’re up to date on all of the latest everythings. One less thing to worry about for a while next year.

Examine how you schedule. I’m a huge fan of Google Calendar – Perhaps it’s time to figure out a better way to organize your schedule. The better your schedule is, the less likely you are to miss appointments or screw up meeting times. One of the best things about Google Calendar? I can set every meeting to start on the 50s – i.e., 10:50, instead of 11am. This reminds me to get there a few minutes early and be first to the meeting.

Get a better alarm clock. By now, we all use the alarm clock on our phones to wake us up. But I’ve got a backup, as well. It’s a $15 Sony alarm clock, and it sits across the room. When it goes off, I have to get up to shut it. You know what that means? It means I’m up.

Buy a nice one-liter bottle. Each night, fill it with water. Each morning, as soon as the alarm goes off, drink the water. Boom. You’re awake and starting your day.

Open a savings account this week. Yeah, savings account interest rates are for crap right now, but it’s still better than nothing. Set up an auto transfer of $10 each week from your checking account into it. By the time next Christmas rolls around, you’ll have all the money for all your holiday shopping set aside and you won’t have to worry about it.

Defriend. Go through each Facebook friend and ask yourself if you’re really going to communicate with them in 2012. Will they bring any value to your life, or you to theirs? If the answer is “no,” or if you even have to think about it for more than a second, unfriend them. Your network is only as strong as your weakest relationship in it.

Get to the gym and meet the trainers. They’re all going to be slammed on New Year’s Day, dealing with the Resolutioners – The ones who come in for two weeks then you never see again. Go in NOW, and forge a relationship with one. You’re more likely to go back come New Year’s Day if you have someone to go back to now.

Finally, block one day a week on your calendar next year for FUN. It doesn’t have to be the same time each week, but start blocking off now, with things to do that take you out of your comfort zone. This guarantees that 2012 becomes a year of growth for you, and not just another checkbox on the list of life.

Happy New Year!

Cats, goals, dogs, fails, Lindsay Lohan, cats again, Gawker, coffee, coffee makers, naked women, and finally, Wikipedia, where I somehow wound up reading about hobos.

But the interesting thing about hobos was this – Not only did they have their own code, (as made popular in the Mad Men episode of the same name), but they also had their own ethical code.

That’s right – Hobos had a code of ethical conduct, one to which they tried to always adhere.

Pretty amazing, huh? They rode the rails, took work where they could get it, ate when they could, yet they tethered to a strong sense of ethical balance. When you think about it, that’s a lot more than most of our so called “pillars of society” are doing nowadays. (How’s your jail cell, Mr. Madoff? How about yours, Mr. Blagojevich?)

With that said, here’s my recommendation for 2012: Follow the code of ethics set out by the Hobos well over a hundred years ago. If you do, chances are, you’ll do better, won’t get into trouble, and more than likely will have a good year, personally, professionally, and financially.

I’m going to try it in 2012. Will you join me? And are there any additional codes that should be added? Leave them in the comments.

The Hobo Code of Ethics:

Decide your own life, don’t let another person run or rule you.
When in town, always respect the local law and officials, and try to be a gentleman at all times.
Don’t take advantage of someone who is in a vulnerable situation, locals or other hobos.
Always try to find work, even if temporary, and always seek out jobs nobody wants. By doing so you not only help a business along, but ensure employment should you return to that town again.
When no employment is available, make your own work by using your added talents at crafts.
Do not allow yourself to become a stupid drunk and set a bad example for locals’ treatment of other hobos.
When jungling in town, respect handouts, do not wear them out, another hobo will be coming along who will need them as bad, if not worse than you.
Always respect nature, do not leave garbage where you are jungling.
If in a community jungle, always pitch in and help.
Try to stay clean, and boil up wherever possible.
When traveling, ride your train respectfully, take no personal chances, cause no problems with the operating crew or host railroad, act like an extra crew member.
Do not cause problems in a train yard, another hobo will be coming along who will need passage through that yard.
Do not allow other hobos to molest children, expose all molesters to authorities, they are the worst garbage to infest any society.
Help all runaway children, and try to induce them to return home.
Help your fellow hobos whenever and wherever needed, you may need their help someday.
If present at a hobo court and you have testimony, give it. Whether for or against the accused, your voice counts!