I responded that today, after an awesome win, I think everyone in NYC considers the Giants “theirs,” and more importantly, is that really the most important thing for them to worry about in their busy day?

To which I get this vitriolic reply, stating that I’m completely full of shit, and that I’m nothing but a braggart, who should learn to be nicer to people. Me. I should learn to be nicer to other people. The guy who invites anyone to ask me any question, anytime, about anything. Me. I should be nicer to people because some idiot told me that I’m a terrible person for calling them “My Giants.” OK.

Funny thing was, that didn’t bother me so much as the way the person framed his reply. He started with this: “Well, I have two degrees in Psychology, and I can tell you that…”

That right there pretty much caused me to tune him out. (Well that and two other things: His AOL address (I know it shouldn’t matter, but we all know it does,) and his signature file, which included his mobile number, and next to it, the words “Don’t ever text me.”) That’s fine. Between your “no texting” rule and your AOL address, 1991 called, they want you back. Go hang out with C+C Music Factory while you’re at it.

Look – I usually spend most my time explaining that our lives should be primarily about helping other people. More specifically, I suggest that if we help other people, then any self-promotion we do becomes more about “helping” and less about “self-promotion, and that’s beneficial to us. And I stand by that.

But – The problem comes when someone tries to use “help” as a way to just start shit, which is exactly what Mr. “2 degrees and don’t text me” did. His whole email to me was based on him “helping me” “I’m trying to help you better yourself.” Specifically, he informed me that (his words now) no one who reads the HARO cares where you are or that you’re wiping your ass.” So in his 2-degree mind, he probably honestly believed that he was doing me a benefit by insulting me and telling me that every way I run the HARO was in fact, wrong. Never mind the fact that I’ve built HARO into a multi-million dollar business, helped thousands of businesses grow, and made thousands of friends, colleagues, and acquaintances along the way – Because 2-degree man thought I was pompous, then of course, I must be, and every single one of you who consider yourselves my friend, is 100% wrong. Shame on you.

So I offer you this: Help, when asked for, is a benefit, a great thing, and can allow you to not only grow your business, but increase your positive brand, increase your revenues, bring you new clients, and yes, even help friends out. But – When it’s not asked for, and you present it like the way our friend did above, chances are pretty high that you’re going to look like a douche.

You’ll look like a douche if you offer non-asked for help in a douchey way, as well. Tell me that “no one cares when I wipe my ass” is something reserved for my wife to say to me, and maybe not even then. Want to help? Don’t be a douche. Be nice. Or, if someone really pisses you off that much, simply ignore them! What could you possibly expect to get out of “helping” me the way you did this morning? Did you think I’d thank you for your attempt, after telling me how much I piss you off? If we were friends for years? Sure – Go for it. Tell me to change – I’d appreciate that. But here’s the thing: I have no idea who this guy is. For that matter, I don’t know if he’s male or female, because he has an AOL address (one name, no first or last name) and the signature file was too busy telling me “DON’T TEXT ME” for me to care.

I guess my point here is this: Wanting to help isn’t the same as criticizing. Until you know the difference, perhaps you shouldn’t offer? You’d think after two psychology degrees, one would – But hey… What do I know? I just spend all my time helping people the right way – Usually via text – And from a real email account.

Thoughts?

Example: In the 50s, you’d drive into a gas station, and four uniformed attendants would rush over, each handling a different chore, from checking your oil, to pumping your gas, to cleaning your windows, and other basic automobile tasks. It was simply what was done. Can you imagine that? Four guys, waiting for you to drive in, and actually running to service you? I was driving to Atlantic City last week to give a speech, and stopped in to get gas. Because New Jersey is one of the few states where it’s illegal for a driver to pump his own gas (anyone know the actual reason why? I don’t…) an attendant came over. While the gas was pumping, she actually squeegeed my front window clean, on her own, proactively! I was so shocked that I gave her a tip! I can’t remember that ever happening to me before. But in the 50s, it was standard. For countless reasons that are irrelevant to this story, standards have lowered. They’ve lowered by a lot. And with them, so have our expectations. Whether it be for a multimillion dollar corporate buy on which we sign off, or for a salad where all we ask is for the dressing to be on the side, our expectations have dropped along with the standards for customer service. The worst part, without question, is that they’ve dropped to levels well below “ok” or “fair” or “average.” Our typical expectation for a customer service transaction starts at “poor,” and if we’re lucky, ends at “fair.”

It’s simply what we’ve become as a society. And yet, wonderfully, that’s actually good news for all of us reading this post!

See, since we have such low expectations of customer service, (and I know I’ve said this before, but it’s worth repeating…) It’s so incredibly easy to blow each and every one of your customers’ minds, and shock them into 100% loyalty, every single time you’re given the chance! All you have to do is simply treat each customer one level above “crap.” Amazingly, you don’t even have to be anywhere near “great, “awesome,” or “outstanding” to be different than the norm.  To be thought of as “good,” we just need to treat our customers one level above the normal expectation of crap. That’s it. Anything we do that goes above and beyond “one level above crap,” is so rare, and so unexpected, that if you do that, you can rule the world.

With that said, imagine my surprise tonight when I got an email from John Korff, the President of Korff Enterprises, otherwise know as the guy who runs the company that puts on the wildly popular New York City Triathlon every summer. John’s been producing this race since the very beginning, well over ten years ago, when it was ever so small – Now, it’s one of the yearly crown jewels of the NYC sports world, right up there with the NYC Marathon, and as of this coming August, the NYC Ironman Triathlon.

At first, I assumed it was a form letter, since I’d been accepted into my 8th NYC Triathlon, coming up this July. (Why so many? Because I’m an idiot who never learns, but that’s not the point.)

I double-clicked to find an actual email, from John himself, congratulating me for getting in again this year, and thanking me for doing my eighth one!

I was still pretty sure it was a form letter – CRM software can easily know those things – But I still thought it was a nice touch. Either way, I happened to be sitting in front of my computer when it came in, so I dropped a reply back almost immediately to John, thanking him for the note, and letting him know that I was also doing the NYC Ironman the next month. Didn’t expect a reply, since I still kinda thought it was an auto-email.

Two minutes later – “Wow, Peter – Both! You know, we call those who do the NYC Triathlon then the Ironman the next month “Hudson Doublers!”

So it actually was him. At 6:55pm on a Tuesday night.

What made him email me? Was he looking for repeat “customers,” as it were? Those who’ve done his race more than once? If so, smart – Remember – it’s not cheap to race these races – Perhaps he realized that and wanted to let us know that our continued support of what he built hasn’t gone unnoticed. Perhaps he’s just that nice of a guy – Perhaps it was all planned out on a spreadsheet, and it was just my time to get that email?

It doesn’t matter. I’ve run a TON of races, all over the place, and this is the first time that any race director reached out to thank me, unprovoked, on his own. You can damn well bet I’m going to race his race every year, as long as my body will let me.

It’s those little things – What’s an email? It’s not a steak at an airport (not that there’s anything wrong with that, either) – But ironically, I think that’s the problem – That’s where the disconnect lies for the majority of businesses:

We’re tricked into believing that the best customer service can ONLY be achieved by these massive, over-the-top acts of grandeur – The airport steak – the “we’ll replace your car” – The types of customer service events that make the evening news and get blogged about.

THAT IS WRONG!

I offer you this: (shrunk, for your Tweeting ease:) The best acts of customer service are the tiny things that reinforce the customer’s loyalty. They can be done daily, usually without any cost, and can foster customer retention, increase customer satisfaction, and yes, even grow your customer base by increasing word of mouth, through social media and other platforms. In other words: If you focus on the little things, your company will benefit, customers and clients will increase, and most importantly, REVENUE WILL RISE.

Don’t stop trying to create that one “massive” customer service story that goes viral and winds up on CNN. Never stop trying to do that, because you never know when it might happen. BUT – Spend more time focusing on the little things – The “thank you” when the customer walks in. The unexpected “we’re glad you’re still with us” email. The phone call to your favorite customer, letting them know that you were reading some article, and it told you to think of your favorite customer then call them to thank them for being just that. (I LOVE this one, I’ve recommended it countless times.)

An old friend and colleague who used to be a journalist once told me this story. His first editor gave him one piece of advice: “Be brilliant at the basics.” He was right. Let’s focus on the basics first. You’ll be surprised how much of your marketing and PR your customers will do FOR you, once you master the basics, and come out one step above the norm.

As always, I’d love your thoughts below in the comments. Thanks for reading! :)

1) May 2012 be the year that passive aggressive status updates cease. It’d be so nice to see a status update from someone that simply says “I’m pissed off, I need to blow off some steam,” as opposed to “I wish that I lived in a world where people kept their promises and didn’t lie to get what they wanted while other people were left hoping that happens.” Passive-agressiveness helps no one. Don’t be a part of the problem.

2) May 2012 be the year that all of the self-appointed gurus, experts, and rock-stars fall off cliffs to their mangled, bloody deaths into the oceans of anonymity, thousands of feet below.

3) May 2012 be the year that the TSA either gets its shit together, or gets disbanded in favor of transportation security that’s actually effective, useful, and serves a purpose other than theater.

4) May 2012 be the year of the least amount of public information about any of the Kardashians.

5) May 2012 be the year where we all get smart enough to stop auto-linking every single niche social network to Twitter and Facebook. No one EVER needs to know that you’re ordering a mocha latte at Starbucks, or walking through the locker room at your gym.

6) May 2012 be the year that everyone becomes smart enough to realize that if the incident happens, even if there’s no one with a camera within a hundred miles, it’ll probably wind up online, and that the best way to avoid that happening is to make sure you aren’t part of the incident in the first place. This goes for anything involving alcohol, public nudity, arguments, or stuff that happens in a men’s bathroom.

7) May 2012 be the year that people learn the difference between “there,” “their,” and “they’re.”

8) May 2012 be the year that people stop using “password” as their password.

9) May 2012 be the year that people stop reacting to emails, posts, or tweets that purportedly comes from a friend, yet doesn’t seem to be written in the same language they normally use, and usually has a link that ends in .ru.

10) May 2012 be the year I learn to be a better listener .

11) May 2012 be the year that United Airlines puts flat-bed seats on their EWR-LAX run.

12) May 2012 be the year that I exceed 2011′s number of speaking and consulting gigs.

13) May 2012 be the year that HARO breaks over 1,000,000 users.

14) May 2012 be the year that DailyWorth, SnapGoods, Namely, Trippy, ScotteVest, Right Next Door, Pixability, and all the companies in whom I’ve invested and for whom I advise break out into the mainstream and earn a ton of money.

15) May 2012 be the year NASA the Wondercat gets a new brother or sister

16) May 2012 be the year more of us learn the value and pure joy in volunteering, donating, or helping others.

17) May 2012 be the year I have an incredibly great Ironman NYC, but may it also be the year that I stay HEALTHY, and don’t obsess over my weight, every bite of food I eat, or what morsel contains how many calories.

18) May 2012 be the year I finally take a honeymoon with my new wife.

19) May 2012 be the year that the world becomes a better place because of something each of us has done during it.

20) May 2012 finally be a year of peace, happiness, love, and prosperity for all of us.

Happy New Year, my friends. Thank you for being here.

I’ve got an exercise for you. For the next seven days, make a concerted effort to count how many people with whom you come in contact who end your conversation with “I’ll call you,” or “Let’s get coffee!” or “We should connect for a drink!”

In two weeks, go back and visit the list you made, and see how many of them followed up on their suggestion.

The answer will more than likely be “none.”

We live in a world where 99% of the people you meet are full of shit. It just is. It’s not up for debate, it’s not a scientific fact, it just is. I think this is the case for several reasons, but the most logical one is as follows: We all want to be thought of as “The nice guy.” Ironically, by doing this, we usually come across as full of shit, as opposed to the nice guy. If we play the nice guy role in the beginning “Call me! Happy to help!” Or “Let’s get coffee!” and then never follow up, or cancel plans, or never answer the resulting email, not only are we blowing our “nice guy” persona, but then we’re proven as even worse than a “not nice guy,” we’re proven to be full of shit. At least if you’re not nice and honest, you’re true. But being nice on the surface and never returning the call moves you from “nice” to “not nice” to “full of shit.” And that’s the worst place to be.

Others are full of shit because they only look out for themselves, feel the need to attempt to win by taking everyone else down, or simply put, just don’t care. Whatever the reason, just look around – there’s no doubt we’re living in a world full of people who are just full of shit. I’m on an Amtrak as I write this, and the guy next to me just got off his phone with a “OK, you too – Totally have to get together, no doubt, I’ll call you!” He hangs up, and under his breath, as he’s shaking his head, he mutters, “douche.”

So if that’s the case, there’s one really awesome thing you can take out of it. If everyone is full of shit, it’s never been easier to be at the top of your game and own the playing field. Think about it – It’s the same logic as the kinda-thin girl who hangs out with fat girls – By comparison, she looks hot. If everyone else spends their time disappointing everyone else, all you have to do is rise 1% above the fray, and you win it all.

So here’s how:

1) Exceed relatively low expectations. Again – We don’t expect much out of people anymore. Used to be we’d expect stellar service on all counts – Whether it was the windshield being washed when we pulled up to the gas station, or our meal being brought to our table – that’s pretty much gone nowadays.

Sure, it’s awesome to set the bar totally high and exceed it. And I’m not saying don’t do that. But focus on building your reputation piece by piece. If you don’t want to have coffee with someone, don’t suggest it as you’re saying goodbye after your first meeting. If you DO want to have coffee with someone, why not suggest a Skype call, and when you email to follow up, upgrade it to coffee. Start off low and grow quickly. It’s the easiest thing in the world to do.

2) Do “unexpected followup” daily. I have a big, big stack of business cards. Probably over 3,500, 4,000 cards. These are people I’ve met once, usually at a conference or trade show. They’re not “contacts,” per se, but they’re also not complete strangers. I keep these cards in a giant fish bowl on my desk, where people who don’t constantly worry about their weight would keep candy. Each day, I pull ten cards out, and email the people on them, just to say hi. No selling, not even that much talking about me – Just asking about them. How are they, what are they working on, etc. This keeps me “top of mind,” and does two other things: Brings some of those people from “quasi-contacts” to “clients,” and as beneficial, makes me first in their mind when someone they know asks if they know anyone who does what I do. Added bonus? I get to say hi. Nice touch.

3) Do the little things no one else does. You have any idea how many times I show up at early morning meetings with donuts? I call it “Insta-Hero.” It’s incredibly easy to be the Insta-Hero. Show up to an early morning meeting with Donuts. Make sure there’s a full bowl of candy on your desk when people come by. ALWAYS carry a pen, a stick of gum, and a lighter. (And not just for people who smoke – Lighters can act as a scissor and burn down a loose thread, among millions of other uses.) Be the one who always does the little things, and you’ll be the one people turn to when they have a budget to spend.

4) Find out what people are doing. If you had any idea on how many people I have Google Alerts, you’d call me the King of Stalking. But in fact, those alerts are one of the most helpful tools in my arsenal. Someone gets quoted? Drop a congratulatory note. Someone gets promoted? Send cookies. Someone takes a new job? Send a six pack. It’s not hard, doesn’t cost a lot, and keeps you well above the fold of mediocrity. Why? Because no one else does it. Again – When most people are full of shit, it doesn’t take that much to not be! So don’t be! Everyone wins! (Especially you!)

5) For God’s sake, if you do nothing else, just be nice! A smile goes a hell of a long way towards proving you’re not full of shit. Just by being a touch nicer – Offering to help someone put their bag in the overhead compartment, letting the obviously time-crunched person go ahead of you at Starbucks… You never know where these small, innocent acts can lead – But yo do know this – If they lead anywhere, they start off with the other person believing you’re in fact, NOT full of shit – And from there, it’s up to you to keep proving that.

Have fun. And if I missed anything, tell me in the comments.

I’d like to give mega-props to Pete Czech, founder of the New Possibilities Group, for the incredible job he and his team have done on this rebuild. If you ever find yourself in need of some amazing technical work, you can’t do any better

Welcome and enjoy!

-Peter Shankman