Am I the only weirdo who thinks this way? What “weird” things can you do in your company that might seem insane, but can cut costs, improve revenues, and give customers another road to happy? Brainstorm below.

Cats, goals, dogs, fails, Lindsay Lohan, cats again, Gawker, coffee, coffee makers, naked women, and finally, Wikipedia, where I somehow wound up reading about hobos.

But the interesting thing about hobos was this – Not only did they have their own code, (as made popular in the Mad Men episode of the same name), but they also had their own ethical code.

That’s right – Hobos had a code of ethical conduct, one to which they tried to always adhere.

Pretty amazing, huh? They rode the rails, took work where they could get it, ate when they could, yet they tethered to a strong sense of ethical balance. When you think about it, that’s a lot more than most of our so called “pillars of society” are doing nowadays. (How’s your jail cell, Mr. Madoff? How about yours, Mr. Blagojevich?)

With that said, here’s my recommendation for 2012: Follow the code of ethics set out by the Hobos well over a hundred years ago. If you do, chances are, you’ll do better, won’t get into trouble, and more than likely will have a good year, personally, professionally, and financially.

I’m going to try it in 2012. Will you join me? And are there any additional codes that should be added? Leave them in the comments.

The Hobo Code of Ethics:

Decide your own life, don’t let another person run or rule you.
When in town, always respect the local law and officials, and try to be a gentleman at all times.
Don’t take advantage of someone who is in a vulnerable situation, locals or other hobos.
Always try to find work, even if temporary, and always seek out jobs nobody wants. By doing so you not only help a business along, but ensure employment should you return to that town again.
When no employment is available, make your own work by using your added talents at crafts.
Do not allow yourself to become a stupid drunk and set a bad example for locals’ treatment of other hobos.
When jungling in town, respect handouts, do not wear them out, another hobo will be coming along who will need them as bad, if not worse than you.
Always respect nature, do not leave garbage where you are jungling.
If in a community jungle, always pitch in and help.
Try to stay clean, and boil up wherever possible.
When traveling, ride your train respectfully, take no personal chances, cause no problems with the operating crew or host railroad, act like an extra crew member.
Do not cause problems in a train yard, another hobo will be coming along who will need passage through that yard.
Do not allow other hobos to molest children, expose all molesters to authorities, they are the worst garbage to infest any society.
Help all runaway children, and try to induce them to return home.
Help your fellow hobos whenever and wherever needed, you may need their help someday.
If present at a hobo court and you have testimony, give it. Whether for or against the accused, your voice counts!

It’s sort of becoming a thing with me – If I’m doing TV, I need a cup of coffee. Fine, call it an addiction, if you need to.

So… Because what’s life, if not a branding effort, do you want your company’s logo on TV with me?

Just send me a coffee mug. Each time I do a segment, be it online or on TV, I’ll be drinking a cup of coffee out of a new mug. Got a cool one for your company? Let me see it!

Send it over to me, and be sure to wrap it really, really well! Include your email address in the package if you want me to notify you when it’s being used.

Send it over to:

The Geek Factory, Inc.
ATTN: Peter Shankman
601 W. 57th St.
30-E
New York, NY 10019

Sound like a plan? And don’t worry about sending me coffee – I’m a Tassimo junkie – I’ve got more than enough coffee. Now I just need some super-cool mugs to drink it from!

Everything has shut down now, as the world waits… Waits… Waits for the Tiger… not to Roar, but to meekly crawl out of his den, wring his hands, shuffle around, apologize, and ask for forgiveness.

At least, that’s the script he’ll stick to.

In real life? Tiger is sleeping like a baby tonight, the night before he hits the public and the media for the first time since his encounter with a tree, a five-iron to the head, and a dozen or so women.

Why? Because it comes down to this:

We need Tiger a lot more than Tiger needs us.

Think about it: His press conference tomorrow is so coordinated and scripted, calling it a press conference is like calling Guantanamo Bay “open court sessions.” The media isn’t even allowed into the SAME ROOM as him! They’ll be in a bunker next door, while Tiger reads a statement.

Not while he takes questions, because he won’t. Not while he’s asked anything as he leaves the room – because no one will be there.

This is the Tiger Show, a stunt produced by the PGA and his agent and management firm. And we’re all buying into it.

End result: Tiger is an amazing, amazing golfer. And tomorrow, he’s going to get up on stage, tell the world he’s sorry, and wants to focus on his golfing. Then he’ll go back to playing in tournaments, he’ll go back to winning, and the second a reporter dares cross the line and ask him a question outside of his putting game, that reporter will lose all access to Tiger forever. And every other reporter in the world who still has access will just crowd in a little bit more.

The media is all worried about what Tiger is going to say – How is he going to say it? Is he worried? Is he sleeping well?

Please – Tiger’s sleeping without a care in the world. Tiger is plotting his return, and Tiger, from a media, branding, and YES, even sponsorship perspective, has absolutely nothing to worry about. If Tiger is still on his golf game, and there’s no reason to think he’s not, Tiger will still reign supreme, will either get back all his sponsors, or get a ton of new ones, and life will continue to go on for him. His golf ball world will continue to spin, he’ll continue to rake in the cash. As to what happens to him and his wife and his mistresses privately? I have no idea – and none of us will have any idea – And that’s just what Tiger wants.

“Go on. Be a Tiger,” says one of Tiger’s ads. Fact is, love it or hate it, he’s doing exactly that, and mark my words – Despite whether you love him or loathe him, Tiger Woods is going to come out a thousand times stronger when this is done. These few months were nothing more than a vacation from him. And now he’s back, tan, rested, and ready. Watch out.

The build is here.

The First Ever Couchside
Social Media Monitoring Center

The end result is here.

The Completed Couchside
Social Media Monitoring Station

Welcome to my living room – or, as I call it, the world’s First Ever Couchside Social Media Monitoring Center. Two Samsung 52-inch LCD Flatscreens on either side of a Samsung 50-inch Plasma. The two on either side shall monitor the Interwebs. The Plasma shall be for TV.

All I need now is Captain Picard’s Chair.

I may never leave. Seriously.