Today, Woody Harrelson’s PR agent decided to “kick things up a notch.” Instead of a typical press event for Woody’s new film “Rampart,” this press agent decided to show his level of “internet prowess” and offer Woody Harrelson up for interviews on Reddit, one of the most “real” Internet sites out there. (By “real,” I mean that it’s pretty much full of people who have their bullshit filters on a constant “ten” and can pick out when something is hype in about two seconds.

So, of course, they did. You can read the post, and the resulting crap that Woody Harrelson got here. It ain’t pretty.

While it’s fun to try new things, you have to KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE! When you don’t, and you do something like this, you’ll get caught. The worst part is that had the PR person simply taken the time to read other Reddit interviews, he could have avoided about 90% of the errors he made, which resulted in him being bitch-slapped as hard as he was. (And by extension, Woody.)

End result? As always, you gotta be real, transparent, and know your audience.

I’d like to give mega-props to Pete Czech, founder of the New Possibilities Group, for the incredible job he and his team have done on this rebuild. If you ever find yourself in need of some amazing technical work, you can’t do any better

Welcome and enjoy!

-Peter Shankman

10) Please vote for my company X every day for the next 14 days to win Y! Thanks!

9) Anything that ends with the words “Please RT!”

8) #fb. Wanna post on Facebook? Do that. This right here? This is called Twitter. Different mediums, different message.

7) Anything passive aggressive. Got something to say to someone? Man (or woman) the hell up, and just say it to them. The world doesn’t need to know about your issues.

6) Checkins on Foursquare from any place other than a place that a) has an a-list celebrity b) has you backstage c) is on fire d) is in another dimension. And a tip: Starbucks doesn’t fall into any of the above-mentioned places.

5) “The _____ Daily is out.” I don’t need a recap of what you think is cool. I prefer a recap of what I think is cool, and I have it already: It’s called Flipboard.

4) Misspellings. “I only have 140 characters” isn’t an excuse. Bad writing is killing America. Don’t contribute to her death.

3) “Wow” with a link. Context. It’s a great thing. I can’t recommend it enough. Want people to click? Tell them why. If I see “Wow” with a link, I assume you got hacked, and stop following you.

2) Your Klout score. I love Klout, but really? Tweeting your score? Want to tweet your penis or breast size while you’re at it?

1) Anything between 12:30am and 4am if you’ve been drinking. There’s a reason smart people don’t bring devices when they know they’re consuming a lot of alcohol. That song lyric you just HAVE to tweet at 1am, along with your stupid-ass commentary, will come back to bite you at 10am the next morning, as you sit, hungover, full of shame. Just save yourself the danger, and don’t do it to begin with. Someone needs to come up with a Twitter lock, the same way Google has email goggles. Anyone smart want to get on that?

Did I miss any? Let me know below.

And people did!

So briefly, here’s what people asked, and my answers:

@andreahrizk said that she needs exposure about a shortage of interactive talent in the advertising industry, and included a link: http://imediaconnection.com/content/28737.asp – I think she has a point – Small interactive ad shops can’t offer the same “possibility of instant riches” that tech startups, whether they be in a basement or in the Google offices, can. As such, it’s up to the ad agency to go back to what made them great in the beginning – before “interactive” – If you watch Mad Men, you know that Sterling, Cooper, Draper, Price recruited talent through the excitement of the game – The chance to be creative, the chance to have fun and change how people perceived products and brands. Perhaps we need to go back to basics, and appeal to the creatives’ excitement – not their wallets alone.

@cherylharrison asked me to write her a blog post. You’re reading it! You’re welcome.

@theflaggagency told me that I could book a cruise on the Mekong River or Riviera of Europe. While that’s a good idea, I’m already taking my first actual vacation in about three years in June, and heading to Thailand with someone special. But thanks!

@brokenjules asked if I’d do a Q+A with him or her. I’m doing that under separate cover. Wait for it.

@michaelgruener asked if I know any specific ways to help build popularity and momentum of a social media push for a company with a finite reach. I think one of the best ways to do this for any company is to see what’s going on in the world and attempt to latch onto something newsworthy – but not in a sleazy way. For instance – I can’t see your company right now because I’m at 30k feet and @continental hasn’t added WiFi to their fleet yet (let’s get busy on that, guys, hey?) but I’m guessing by the name (@upRefuse) that you might have something to do with the green world? If that’s the case, simply reading any current magazine should give you tons of of ideas and examples. That rule goes for any company. One of the best ways I know of to come up with new ideas and boosts of creativity is to go for a run with my iPod loaded with the latest podcasts from the BBC, NPR, and the like.

@thebeancast asked for a 1,000 word article entitled “Down and Out on Empire Avenue.” I’ll give you a Haiku, instead. Early Adopter. On Empire Avenue. Can Use Initials.

@cbwebster wants me to come up with a kick-ass in-class project for her business communications class next week. How about working with a local animal rescue organization in your town and helping them come up with a new communications plan that will raise awareness and generate higher levels of donation? Work with them to design a multimedia campaign that focuses on the animals themselves, and what donors dollars can do for them.

@OmniHotelsPR asked me to think about some events that they and I can do together in the fall. That sounds awesome, guys! Email Meagan, my uber-assistant, and let’s get a phone call together. I’d love to work with you guys, perhaps do tweet-ups all over the world! That’s a no-brainer – I love you guys!

@cccreationsUSA asked me to make a Star Wars video to Celebrate Star Wars Day, which is today. I defer to the countless awesome Star Wars videos already out there, including the inclusion of Star Wars in this amazing video from Lego, called Go Miniman Go!

@Drobillard asked to be hired as my personal assistant in Boston. While I’m not currently looking for anyone to hire, perhaps someone in Boston is? If so, why not reach out to @DRobillard?

@BellaBrella asked an interesting question – “How can she improve her image campaign without actually changing who she is?” That’s a good question – If you have to change who you are, then you’re not being true to yourself, and that’s never good. How about rather than changing who you are, changing your audience? Perhaps you’re not reaching out to the right people? If you’re not getting as big of a response as you want, or as large of an audience as you desire, perhaps you’d be better off looking for new audiences? The easiest way to to do that is to continue being who you are, and be more aware of to whom you’re talking – Focus on speaking to the right people – people who appreciate what you have to offer – and by being sincere with them, your rep, and thusly, your audience, should continue to grow.

@thirstybeaverCA (Great name, by the way) is looking for resources on selling ad space on his website, but doesn’t know where to begin. Well, there are tons of sources out there which are great starts, including websites like imediaconnection, adrants, and Digidays, Brian Morrissey’s new project. I’d start there.

@pamasheville asked me to consider voting for Asheville in the Beer City USA Poll. Considering I’m on my way to Asheville, consider it done: http://exm.nr/l0mnCd

@ProSeller1 wants me to help her find one lead in Richmond, VA that’s looking to buy or sell a new house. Anyone in Richmond in that position? Reach out to @ProSeller1.

@wgpr wants to know what Blogs I read. A few off the top of my head include Gawker, A Year To Ten Percent (I write that one, full disclosure,) LeanGains.com, Leigh Shulman, CC Chapman, Fleshbot, Defamer, I Don’t Like You In That Way, Lauren Out Loud, and others.

@agac wants me to follow her. Done.

@homiegcheesefry wants me to tell about my movie project. Well, I’m executive producing a movie currently being shot in Hollywood called “Right Next Door.” It’s a thriller, and I couldn’t be more excited about it. The cast is spectacular, as are the co-directors. I’m humbled to be part of this project, and when it comes out in about 10 months or so, I’ll be throwing one hell of a premiere party, you can count on that. ☺

@cpat71 wants me to learn something from the person next to me. From him, I learned that a pitcher named Francisco Lariano from the Twins got his first no-hitter last night, and also the first no hitter of the 2011 baseball season.

@meducate wants to know the best President’s clubs that Continental has to offer. Well, at Newark, I’m partial to the one in Terminal C closer to gate 81, as opposed the one near security. It’s quieter, more places to work, and more places to grab a few Zzz’s if you’ve had a late night the night before. In Houston, there’s a lovely gentleman named Mike (I believe that’s his name) in the main terminal club East, who makes the best Bloody Mary’s I’ve ever had in my life. Finally, don’t forget about the club in Vegas – it’s a bit far from the CO gates, but it’s better than sitting in the food court and watching tons of overweight tourists eat fast food.

@craig42k wants to know how I best manage my time to successfully achieve my health, personal, and business goals. For that, I point you to this blog post I wrote a few months ago.

@divathatateny wants ideas to promote her upcoming cookbook + CD called “No Singing at the Dinner Table,” by Singing Chef Jackie Gordon. Well – I didn’t know that singing chefs existed. Coming from a family of musicians, and being a vocalist as well, I recommend perhaps a video contest asking people to come up with their own songs praising dinner. The winner gets cooked meal for them and 10 of their friends, courtesy of your chef?

@mikepetrucci wants to know the last time I doodled or sketched something. Here you go, Mike, compliments of Finger Painting HD on my iPad 2.

@boathousebilly wants to know how to increase exposure and membership numbers for his university rowing club in prep for 2012. Two things come to mind – One – Carry an oar with you all summer. Seriously. People like to know why people are doing things out of the ordinary. Tell them you’re recruiting rowers. It’s a great way for people to get into the conversation. Secondly – Let people know how good rowing is for your looks. Have you ever seen a fat rower? Best arms, back, and shoulder muscles of anyone! Play to people’s egos!

@thecleversheep is looking for a sponsor for unplugd.ca – If you happen to fit their profile, I’d check them out, and @thecleversheep, I’d read this blog post first on how you should look for sponsors.

@whisperingsqurl wants to know if I have any advice for a first-time entrepreneur: Yes. Don’t waste time listening to the haters. If you have haters, it means you’re doing a great job. Acknowledge that you have them, then redouble your efforts to do an even better job. Haters hate because they can’t do what you’re doing themselves. That’s all.

@gfriese wants me to continue promoting health and fitness opportunities, especially for kids, at the YMCA. I’ve been a YMCA fan ever since I was seven and got my Tadpole badge for swimming there! The YMCA does amazing things for kids and adults all over this country. I’m a huge supporter, and you should be too!

@click4agoodtime wants his girlfriend to move to NYC. I know your girlfriend. Hey L – GET YOUR ASS TO NEW YORK CITY. NOW.

This was fun! Perhaps I’ll put out another call next week for my trip to Germany. I’ll let you know – If I do, I’ll make it a Google database, so it’s easier for me to answer. Thanks for playing!

The fun part about grabbing someone else’s ID (other than the fact that I can ask them what they think of the keynote they’re about to hear and they don’t realize that they’re talking to him) is that I get to hear unfiltered information about what scares these people – what these small business owners think about social media – and more often than not, why they believe social media to be complete bullshit, and not worth their time.

Why is that important ? It’s important because I can tailor my speech to those specific people who don’t believe that they’re going to get anything out of what I’m saying. The ones who’ve gone to countless speeches like these in the past – Those radio-sponsored “business breakfasts” where they listen to some full-of-it “social media guru” talk about the coolness of social media and how it can save them.

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. NO CEO THINKS THAT “COOL” TRUMPS “REVENUE,” AND YOU SHOULDN’T EITHER. The speakers who get on stage and tell you how “cool” social media is and how is good for only “your brand” are full of it. Below, I’m going to give you seven ways that your small business can use social media TO GENERATE REVENUE, TODAY. Retweet this. Repost this. Link to it. Feel free. Why? Because I’m simply sick to death of these snake oil salesmen posing as “social media gurus,” charging you thousands of dollars to listen to them tell you how they can save you. BULLSHIT.

Remember HARO? I started HARO. It was a social media company that generated over a million dollars a year in actual revenue, and when I sold it, I sold it on the merits of what it DID, not some “I make my money by talking about social media” crap.

TWEET THIS: The biggest problem with Social Media is that too many people talk about it and not enough people ACTUALLY USE IT TO GENERATE REVENUE.

So let’s use it. The following are tips for small to mid-size businesses – They’re the kind of stuff companies ask me for all the time. I charge for this stuff. But rather than do that today, I’m giving it away below. Enjoy it. Use it Call it your own if you want. I won’t know. (But Karma will.) The main reason I’m doing it is because I’m sick of these charlatans saying they have all the answers, and they’ve never done one bit of real social media in their lives. That goes for those heads of PR and marketing firms who’ve told their clients that they can handle their “social media for them” and don’t have the first clue as to how to do it.

Marketing in the form of social media, to drive sales and generate revenue, makes you skilled in social media. “Having a Facebook Account” does not. “Speaking about Twitter” does not. Saying you have “Influence” does not. Having “guru,” “expert” or “rock star” in your name, ID, or business card, most certainly does not. Stop believing the charlatans who show you 100 twitter followers and expect you to believe that they can cure cancer. They’re angering the universe. Trust me. The universe will kill them soon. Believe in what works, and nothing else.

IF YOU’RE A RESTAURANT: Get to know tools like Foursquare and Facebook Places. Teach each server who works for you to recognize the signs of someone who uses Foursquare, Places, or the like: They keep their device on the table, they talk about “checking in.” Have those servers ask their customers if they use those location based games. If they do, have the servers offer a free drink or appetizer. Explain what it means to be a “mayor,” and why that’s beneficial to your establishment. Explain to them why they should help your customers use these technologies. Most importantly, explain to your servers that THEY represent your establishment, and without them, your restaurant is history, as is their job. The goal is to get customers to come back, bring friends, and spend more money. IT’S NOT ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA, IT’S ABOUT GROWING YOUR RESTAURANT.

IF YOU’RE A LANDSCAPING BUSINESS: Photos and videos are your friends. Why do people hire you? They hire you because they have EGOS. Lets face it – EGOS SELL. If I want my property to look better than the Kleinman’s property, I hire the best landscaper. That’s YOU. Want to use social media to GET MORE CLIENTS and make more money? Go out and buy a good digital camera/video camera. Check out the Canon G11 – I use it and love it. Then learn to use it, and shoot what you’ve done! So many social media hucksters have NOTHING to back up what they’ve done – YOU DO! You have your clients and your work! Made an amazing lawn? Shoot it! Made some kind of waterfall, the type that I can only imagine because I live on the 30th floor of a high-rise in NYC? Video it! Post it on Vimeo.com, and let people see it! That’s REAL social media because you’ve done it and are sharing it! That’s truth. Go forth and spread it, most awesome landscaper! IT’S NOT ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA, IT’S ABOUT SHOWING THINGS YOU’VE DONE THAT WILL BRING NEW PAYING CLIENTS.

IF YOU’RE AN ACCOUNTANT/FINANCIAL PLANNER: OMG, how boring! Right? That’s what most people say when they hear that you work as an account or financial planner. OK, that may be true for some of you. But if you’re an accountant or financial planner who has the most basic knowledge of social media and how it relates to your industry, then not so much. How about starting a basic twitter feed that you populate every day with the top two stories about your industry? “What will this five minutes out of my day possibly do,” you ask! Well, if you’re an accountant/financial planner trying to grow your business and get new customers, check this out: You post one or two stories per day about your industry – perhaps they’re the stories you find interesting and think others might find interesting – you post them, and what happens – people find them, and retweet them – repost them on Facebook – All of sudden, you’re a CURATOR! You’re one of those people who knows about the trends before they become trends! What happens then? The media starts following you, and you get called on by them, get quoted in the paper, on TV, on the radio, and online on a regular basis, and how about that, new people start calling you out of the blue, asking if they can be your clients – Where do you think they came from? From the media! And where did the media come from? From your brilliant use of social media. To quote the chief of police from the movie Casablanca, “I’m shocked, shocked to find that there’s gambling going on in here!” Face it – This isn’t rocket science!! You’re simply employing common sense –something the charlatans won’t tell you actually works – because it takes away from their revenue. Screw them. Make their revenue yours. IT’S NOT ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA: IT’S ABOUT USING THESE TOOLS TO PROVE YOU KNOW MORE THAN YOUR COMPETITORS AND ARE BETTER THAN THEM AND DESERVE NEW CLIENT BUSINESS.

IF YOU’RE A REALTOR: As someone who’s currently in contract for an apartment in New York City, this really hits close to home. If you’re a realtor, social media is SCREAMING for you to pay attention. What are you selling? Location, image, and the like. Come on! You should have a digital camera with video inserted under your skin! Your industry was BORN for social media! A new property comes on the market? Get video of the best parts of it – But not from the traditional boring “front of property,” “back of property,” kitchen view” way. Figure out cool ways to do it! Current family got a swingset in the back? Shoot video of the house from the swingset – It’s different, and anyone with kids will appreciate it. Selling mostly to families with school-age kids? Take the flipcam, duct-tape it to the grill of your car, and SHOW, IN REAL TIME, how close the best school in the district is to the house! Why? Because no one else is doing it, and that’s something different! And let’s face it, realtor – if you’re using social media, you’re doing it to make a good commission. So take these ideas and build on them. Why? Because they’ll sell properties. And in the end, those properties will make you a commission. And I gonna go old school here – What are you gonna do with your commission? “I was going to take my commission, and buy Ferris a car.” Use social media, do it in a new and exciting way, make a commission from it, and buy Ferris a car! IT’S NOT ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA, IT’S ABOUT SHOWING THROUGH THIS NEW TECHNOLOGY THAT YOU’RE GOING TO HELP SELL OR BUY A HOME FOR SOMEONE WHO WANTS IT.

IF YOU’RE A MOVING COMPANY: If you’re a moving company, then welcome to social media. Last time I moved, I went online to ask for recommendations for good moving companies. You know what I got? Companies who didn’t screw my friends, and that was it. Forget about GOOD moving companies, I got moving companies similar to cell-phone companies – recommendations to the companies who sucked the LEAST. Really? Is that how you want to help grow your industry? By being thought of as the company that sucks the least? Please. How about this: You offer your next client 15% off the cost of their move if they allow you to film the entire move. How do you do that? You go to Amazon and buy three GoPro helmet cams, the same kind I use when I fall from perfectly good airplanes. Then you ask a few of your best movers to wear them the next move they do. They put them on their heads, and everything they do, the gopro films. Because you’re an awesome moving company, the gopro films your best movers being oh-so-careful with the client’s property. When the move is done, you’ve got what, two hours of video of stuff being moved. OK. Great. That’s boring as hell. BUT – What if you take that film, speed it up so that the entire video is sixty seconds in length, then you add a fun soundtrack to it (Think the Benny Hill TV Show theme) and that becomes the first thing people see when they hit your website? They get funny yet real video of a real person’s belongings being taken care of, and you get… wait for it…. Wait for it…. A new client. How about that? You’ve just used social media to land countless new clients. Cost: About $150 for the GoPro. (And you thought GoPros were just for skydivers and mountain bikers.) IT’S NOT ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA, IT’S ABOUT PROVING THAT WHEN A POTENTIAL CLIENT NEEDS YOU, YOU CAN BACK UP YOUR CLAIMS WITH REAL-WORLD EXAMPLES THAT WIL TURN POTENTIAL CLIENTS INTO REAL CLIENTS.

IF YOU’RE A SEAMSTRESS WHO WORKS WITH FABRIC: This one is awesome. So I get an email out of the blue, from someone who says “Hey, I’ve been following your blog because I get the HARO, and I’m a seamstress who has started an event company that makes events out of fabric – If a company wants to hold an event, we’ll produce it.” (Email me if you want their info.) I was like, “OK, that’s weird, but whatever,” until I noticed they had an attachment to the email. Normally, I hate attachments, but since it was a .jpeg, I was ok with it – I opened it – It was my logo, on a pair of running shorts. Think about this for a second: This company was smart enough to realize that I was an exercise geek, ran all the time, yet was still involved in social media. So they made me running shorts with my blog logo on them. What does that tell you? That this Seamstress/Fabric company went out of their way to identify not only me, but what I’d recognize – Why aren’t you doing this? Why isn’t your company assigning one person to say “hey, this is a way to get noticed and perhaps generate revenue? It is. I can attest to that. I’ve given this company business already. IT’S NOT ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA, IT’S ABOUT TAKING THE MOST RANDOM, NON-SOCIAL-MEDIA THING (LIKE FABIRC) AND FIGURING OUT A WAY TO TIE IT IN, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT WORKS!)

IF YOU’RE A MARKETING/PR FIRM: OK, if you’re a marketing firm, do I really need to make this any clearer? If you’re a company that does any of what I’ve talked about in the past three pages, don’t you think you can figure something out that’s in some way related to what I’ve talked about, and figure out a way to connect what’s here to what you do? I’m sure you can. Because come on, if you can’t, do you really think it’s ok to call yourself a marketing firm? IT’S NOT ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA. IT’S ABOUT BEING SMARTER AND REALIZING THAT SOCIAL MEDIA IS SIMPLY ANOTHER MARKETING CHANNEL TO WHICH YOU SHOULD BE LEADING YOUR CLIENTS.

OK. There you go. Seven ways to grow your small business using social media. Didn’t cost you a penny, you didn’t have to go to some BS breakfast, and you didn’t have to waste your time. So the rest of it is up to you. Will you use what I gave you here, or will you just spend your money and hire someone with no reputation because “it’s easier?” It’s your call.

Thanks for reading.