Peter you are terrific!! Your underlying tone is “Kill them with Kindness”, a statement my grandmother always told me and who came to this country with nothing and created a multi-million dollar business that has been passed down to generations. I have used that theory all my life and climbed many corporate ladders because of it.

Here’s my suggestion to the M’am – say “Miss”, I am 55 look 45 and when I hear “Miss” I get so flattered…..M’am at this point I know I am one, but you are correct I hate it!!!!

I have identical twin sons who are 16, are actors, maybe in your travels you saw them as the Russian Twins in the film “2012″ and I am printing out this blog and leaving it for them to read.

thanks, love your blogs and HARO has gotten my words out and even my kids in People so thanks you are a good soul and I only wish nice things for you!!!

Lovely list, except ix-nay on the ologne-cay. Trust me on this…the people who like smelling cologne or perfume on others are VASTLY outnumbered by the people who hate it.

Genuine compliments are great to give and receive. I happen to collect vintage jewelry and love all kinds of accessories. If I see a woman wearing something fabulous, I will always tell her so.

I am old school and if time/situation allows, I send hand written thank yous. Sometimes the follow ups need to be much faster so email takes over, but anytime it’s appropriate, I send hand written.

Simple truths and simple advice, that we simply don’t follow often enough. Loved this concise explanation, I now have a few mini projects to start my week. Thanks.

This really is such a great list. I would add writing a nice thank you note if someone has gone way above and beyond for you. It blows my mind to think how few thank you notes are sent and they really do not take that long to write. They really make a person truly stand out from the rest.

The other thing is to as you mentioned really listen when someone is talking. There is no faster way to piss me off than to be talking to me while you are on your phone. Which are you doing, talking to me or playing with your phone? Please pick one.

The world would really be a better place if more people did these very simple things. This post is certainly well needed.

Great post- as always. My addition? Writing thank you notes. Makes such a big difference- I’m so surprised more people don’t do it. Email just doesn’t cut it in some instances.

Great tips, Peter. Also enjoyed your commentary on Friday at the EEX Entrepreneurs Summit.

Peter…you forgot to mention the handwritten note…in an envelope…with a stamp…and placed in a mailbox!

Your points 1 and 5 and some of 2 can be summed up with, “be respectful.” But being respectful doesn’t mean letting people take advantage of you.

Your listen and shut up are priceless. One of my favorite sayings, “25 words or less.”

I would add… make a conscious effort to make authentic compliments. Too many of us love to talk trash about everything from sports to politics, or clients to co-workers. It’s rare to hear a genuine (not smarmy) compliment. When someone summarizes well or clearly identifies a vital point in a meeting, tell them that’s what they did and thank them for that contribution. Find something good to say and be the one to say it. Moreover complimenting someone who isn’t even around to hear it still lifts the conversation, and will likely come back to the individual. How satisfying is it to hear third hand that your name was highlighted in a positive way?

Thanks for sharing, and please keep it coming. I love when you say what I think (usually with better grammar :) and when you make me re-think things.
@KSL

Loved this post – I have two things to add. Never underestimate the power of the words ‘thank you’, whether expressed in writing or in person. Always look behind you before you walk through a door, and if someone is behind you, hold it open for them and stand aside to let them enter first, regardless of their age or gender. This allows them to either enjoy the small courtesy, or to guesture to you to go first. Either way, the consideration is always appreciated.

Great post. I have to agree with the previous comments in respect to handwritten thank you notes. That is always a nice touch. I would also add don’t just have a pen, but have at least two pens. As a female I am always asked if I have a pen, and rarely are they returned. I would also suggest one of those mini sewing kits. You know the ones that include–at minimum– a safety pen, one button, and a needle and thread. Those can be life-savers, if not for you, for someone else.

Send handwritten thank you notes. Sure it’s easier to e-mail or Facebook, but the extra effort gets you remembered in a good way.

A really simple one, but quite hard: in a second conversation, remember some key points from the first.

Please leave the fragrance out of the bag — and off your skin. Don’t be afraid to smell like your species, and more importantly, many of us are allergic to the stuff.

Peter,
Your mom raised you right. It may sound corny, but using good manners always makes a good impression.

I see hand written thank you included. I do this anytime I interview with someone or someone helps me out & I include a hand written thank you card in every jewelry purchase I receive from orders online. It makes things so personal in a time when people would rather text, tweet or post. I do all of those too for certain things but a hand written note is personal & thoughtful.. Also I would add smiling & saying please & thank you especially to wait staff, grocery checkers, anyone who does a service job.. Too many people treat them with little attention & sone with disdain.. A smile & please & thank you is polite, respectful, & shows class & manners.

Great post Peter. Two more to add…

1.) Give up your seat to an elder or to anyone that could clearly benefit from having it more than you.

2.) Let the child doing the “potty dance” use the bathroom before you. Not only will this relieve the child but the stress level of the accompanying parent as well.

Great List! I already follow much of the same myself: 1) Always have a few spare bills in wallet just in case; 2) Always have both personal and business cards; 3) Spare essentials at the office: toothpaste to cologne and even a pressed shirt; 4) Always a pen and paper on hand; 5) Make introductions to people at parties, more impressive when you do this at a party where you introduce two people you just met.

I prefer address Miss instead of Madam, myself.

I also always try to have a certain signature element at events when appropriate: 1) Old fashioned Parker Pens; 2) Always wearing a tie or a jacket. There’s been many occasion where people introduce themselves to me with: “Hi, I’ve seen you in events before. You’re the guy who always wears a tie. So what do you do” – which has opened doors to partnerships and business.

Daniel

Sir, you are as always, amazing!
Thanks for posting this!

Manners go a long long LONG way in my books. And for the shear lack of them in men these days, probably contributes to why I’m still single. I will not date people without manners. Consistant manners.

Excellent points Peter. Thank you. May I add: and do these things looking for nothing in return. God bless.

Spot on!! Mostly common sense, if you’re thinking of others. Sad, though, that common sense isn’t so common.

My two favorites in the comments are to offer genuine compliments and to have a ‘signature’ look about you. I also catalog many articles of interest and find that providing someone with a helpful piece of reference on something we discussed can be a good way to make follow-up contact and be regarded as knowledgeable and helpful in business.

I would add these two as an extension of knowing when to shut up:

1. Don’t participate in the office gossip/trash talk. If you need to clarify something, state the facts of a situation and let it go. People will trust you more and clue you in more frequently. And you come off as classy and mysterious, always a plus.

2. Don’t brag. When someone asks, tell them the truth but don’t go on and on about everything you have done. It shows confidence and people wonder what else they will be pleasantly surprised by if they keep talking to you.

Thanks for this, Peter. I really liked the story about helping the gal with the lost purse. What a great save! My main tip to share is: Donuts!

But first…in the late 90’s, I was a temp placed at the Walt Disney Company in Burbank, CA for about 4 years straight. It was a great opportunity for me to experience the entertainment industry, as well as corporate culture I was the temp the agency sent in when a client was seriously unhappy. I found my success based on these practices:

1) Be aware. In addition to industry news, I tried to know what was going on in the general news. It made me useful and interesting to have hanging around an office all day.

2) Know about technology. Knowing more than my clients made me invaluable and got me invited back to the same offices over and over again. Nothing inspires loyalty like rescuing someone’s presentation.

3) Be flexible, unflappable, and consistent. As a temp, on any day, I could be sent to an Executive Vice President’s office or the Casting Department, so I had to be mentally prepared to roll with whatever might be in store for me. I also tried to be nice to everyone, whether they were a clerk or a VP. Everyone dressed around the same level, so you never knew.

4) Quickly ascertain the priorities of the client. I would listen and observe and make addressing those goals the main focus of my day. This way I could anticipate their needs, rather than react to them.

5) Help support staff. Many of the upper level executives I temped for had numerous assistants. My job priorities then were to support the other support people, who had really stressful jobs taking care of executives so demanding that they needed three or four people. Understanding that stress and doing whatever I could to make their lives easier pretty much guaranteed I would be asked back. I was also happy to share what I knew and teach others skills I had picked up.

Finally, 6) Be willing to get the donuts. At one point, I was placed in one of the movie production offices on the lot. I was excited for the opportunity to learn, but found that it was a relaxed, but tightly knit office and I wasn’t fitting in. This was around the time that Krispy Kreme started opening franchises out West and they had recently opened a store in La Habra. Office talk suggested that scoring some of those donuts would be really cool. Around the studio, everyone made an effort to one-up each other. So, this was my chance. I volunteered to drive to La Habra, which while only being 35 minutes away, could be more like a 90 minute drive in each direction on a Friday. They were surprised I was willing to do this, since I was “just a temp.” I saw it as an opportunity. I set out early and returned three hours later with cherished donuts. This act demonstrated my willingness to literally go that extra 35 miles and broke the ice with my co-workers. I ended up on that assignment for several months and I learned quite a bit.

One more way to stand out in our connected, too-busy world:

If you can’t be on time, BE EARLY!

Don’t cut it close. Don’t count on the fact that you can send a text to say you’re running late. Build time in your schedule to get there, and anticpate delays. Be there early, check the details, be relaxed and completely in the moment for your appointment, meeting, lunch or date. Then you can do all the other things Peter suggests!

Thanks for the great inspirational tips.I learned the easiest one from being in the military, number 3. Always having a tool to write and jot down instantaneous thoughts is a must. Especially when having others of a squad have to rely on you for information and getting the tools that they need for their job.

Be respectful of drivers who signal that they would like to change lanes – slow down and let them move in front of you.

When you run into someone you have not seen in a while and you are not sure they remember you – be the first to say hello and remind them of your name. In fact, always be the first to say “hello.”

On elevators, if you are closest to the door, step out of the elevator and reach back to hold the door for the people behind you who are getting off. Don’t stay on the elevator and crowd others by trying to create a path.

Another great post Peter, thanks!
I also like to send a written thank you note or sometimes just sending a written note period. One of my favorite memories of Jackie Kennedy was that she ALWAYS sent hand written notes. Made everyone feel like we really knew her, personally.

The mirror-image bag sounds great along with the pocket contents list. I’m a total fan of having a 72 hour emergency kit ready at all times. I’d also recommend a small flashlight and I carry a CPR mask on my key chain.

I agree with all the commentators who mentioned hand-written Thank You notes. They are scarce as hen’s teeth and are always noticed. I would also like to add that verbal “Thank You’s” are not shared as generously as they could be. When someone adds a valid point to a discussion, it is gracious to thank them for their input. It always feels rude to me when someone adds pertinent interpretations to a dialogue and the speaker, or leader of the discussion, doesn’t acknowledge the input.

Great post! Its good to be reminded of these things frequently as it seems they are often forgotten.
Another thing that is simple to do and will set you apart is to just say ‘thank you’. Say it to everyone for everything even if they only indirectly helped you. For instance, exiting an airplane you walk past a crew member that may not have actually served you in-flight. It is still a moment to show appreciation for their service and attention.
When your day is over and you’re exiting the office, thank your colleagues for their input and dedication that day. They may have not directly aided you, but the efforts exerted by all make or break that business.

So, THANK YOU Peter for a great post! It seems we’re all appreciating it on this Monday morning! :)

Great Post – as if you’ve ever posted anything not great!

I love being the go to girl – the wizard behind the scenes for folks – the “Hitch” helping others get their desired goal or woman in his case!

Love the concept of just shut up!!!!!

Jenny

Have to agree with the comments on leaving out the cologne. Love the idea of “know when to shut up”. I learn so much more using my ears than my mouth. Thanks for the points to ponder today.

Wonderful post on useful tips and ideas all of use should practice Annie

Great advice! The one thing that really impresses me is people who ask more about you than they talk about themselves… I try to remember that and practice it in social situations – it makes the other person feel really important and maybe will reveal some information about that person that will lead to a future encounter.

Great post Peter!

I especially liked the symmetry of how you began it with “listen/pay attention” and ended it with “shut up/stop talking”!

Like some of the other people posting, I really don’t enjoy talking to people who are either looking over your shoulder (for someone better perhaps?!), interrupting you to put their two cents in, or using technology while we’re trying to converse. To me, if you’re taking the time to talk to someone, then you should pay them the courtesy of actually listening to them, hearing what they’re saying, and responding appropriately.

All good, except for “Sir”/”Ma’am”. Most people under the age of 60, men or women, seem to be more offended than complimented by that usage at this point. Avoid anything which says “You’re older than me and I know it”, because the default in our society at this point is young=good, old=bad, no exceptions.

Awesome suggestions. Bottom line, treat others they way you’d want to be treated. We’re ALL in this together!

Great tips, good points and all very important for a polished image. I esp. like #5….sadly, we all know someone like that!

While most of the points are excellent, I will be the contrarian regarding some of the “chivalry” comments. At 57, I find it insulting for someone to call me “Miss”. It’s like referring to me as a “girl”. While I realize that some women don’t mind this, I see it as not treating women as fully-functioning adults. In a similar vein, I see no need for standing up if I enter or leave – there’s no need to call attention to the fact that I’m female (particularly if the reason is I need to use the facilities).

I realize this makes it difficult for men – some women appreciate these so called “common courtesies” while others find it inappropriate, particularly in a business setting. I don’t expect that this will change anyone’s mind that has posted, but just be aware that there are women out there who feel this way.

Hi Peter,

Thanks for a great article! The best advice I ever received was to anticipate everyone’s needs. If you can walk into a room and know what’s going on with everyone at that moment, and anticipate when someone might need help with something (a pen, moving a chair or lectern, etc.), you will truly stand out as an individual. This is something we have to work twice as hard at now that most people multi-task.

Thanks again.

Kim Ciesla
@kimkabob

Love these. Here are a few of the things I love about my husband:
1) He always has a handkerchief. And lends it whenever necessary.
2) He holds the door for people.
3) He remembers peoples names and on the rare occasion when he forgets, he smiles and says “please remind me of your name”.
4) Because he’s Puerto Rican, he hugs everyone (and interestingly men who might be staunch hand-shakers usually hug him back)
5) Sends handwritten thank-you notes and birthday cards.
6) His phone is always on vibrate and he apologizes if he stops a conversation to answer it.
7) Most importantly, he is 100% present and listening to the other when in a conversation.

Old School Rules. A great reminder that some lost ideas of old school really can make you stand out in today’s forget-our-manners culture. Thanks Peter! G

Great post, old fashioned chivalry does get noticed and is appreciated. That goes for women as well as men. If he seats you in the car first, lean over and and open his door for him. Offer your seat to elderly passengers on public transport and say more thank yous to the people who make your day easier.
I agree with Alison, genuine compliments are always appreciated and not given out often enough.
Make someones day and tell them how much you like whatever it is you admired silently.
And most importantly smile, a smile is like a yawn and will catch on and brighten someones day so smile often.

Peter,

As usual you are so right on with this list. I have what I call an urban survival kit that we are actually starting to sell in our vintage store and it’s similar to your list above. Ours contains, gum, coin pocket, utility tool, usb (with data backup of all critical documents, sales tools, templates, presentations), a gift visa with $100 and $35 in cash ($20, $10 & $5 for wheeling and dealing should it become necessary), bandaids, small sewing kit, non-aspirin pain killer, pen & paper, paper clips, large safety pin, duct tape & a pack of matches.

Great job.

Shawn

My Mom always told me to find something nice to say. Even if they’re wearing the ugliest outfit you’ve ever seen, simply saying ‘what a pretty shade of blue’ sounds like a compliment and I guarantee it will put a smile on their face. As the saying goes, people will not likely remember what you did, but they will remember how you made them feel.

Thank you, Peter. I ALWAYS enjoy reading your posts, and I truly value your perspective and expertise!

On this subject, I must add one thing to the list.

NEVER assume it’s okay to shorten someone’s name. If you meet a gentleman and he introduces himself as James, do not assume that it’s okay to call him Jim. It drives me crazy when two seconds after I say – “hi, I’m Kimberly”, someone responds – “Hi Kim, it’s nice to meet you.”

I suppose this falls into listen and be courteous, but it’s a hot item to me personally.

Thanks, again!
Cheers. :)

It’s amazing that something as simple as “pay attention” even needs to be a tip – but it does! It drives me nuts when you’re talking to someone while they are typing a text/email and say “no no, go on, I’m listening”. There’s no way they’re really listening! Love the list of items to always have in your pocket/purse and the mirror image bag – I’m going to start doing this. Thanks!

Thank you, Peter. And thanks to everyone else for challenging me to share some of my own useful habits.
I’m naturally interested in people, so i ask about them more than trying to be interesting. So much easier, and builds a relationship.
When I change lanes to move in front of another car, I give a “thank you” wave to the car behind.
I know I am easily distracted by shiny objects, but I do my best to focus and really listen to the person who is talking to me, no matter what else is going on in the room.
I tell people when I appreciate what they said or did.
I like to contribute to others. Like you do, Peter… and like I just did.

Look up from your smart phone, smile, greet people, say “good morning”. Be gracious.

Here’s another take on the lending money and coming to the “rescue”…

I leant Michael Dell $100 to get to the airport, back when Dell was just a few years old in 1989. I called him up in 2001 when I was launching my internet company and spoke to one of his guys that I’d like to speak to Michael and that he’ll remember me I was one of his early clients that also gave him $100.00 to go to Newark Airport. He did not get on the phone with me but had one of his guys talk with me but no spark came from the conversation because there was no connection to the “other guy”. I know Micheal is the big cheese so I don’t think the money rescue technique may work for people who get to be top dog on the totem pole. He still owes me $100 and I hope somewhere down the line he leant it to someone who really needed it.

I feel the majority of time people have completely lost the simple concept of saying ‘thank you’. It goes a long way.

This was excellent advice. Several of these I never would have thought of. Gum is something that I go crazy if I don’t have it with me. Paying attention is simply courteous, When people don’t pay attention to something I am trying to share with them, it makes me feel unimportant. I think if more people followed these unusual tips, the world could be a slightly better place to live in.

This is a great post Peter and hopefully should serve as a reminder to what business used to be. I think it’s sad that in today’s society all it takes to “separate yourself from the pack” is to have manners! I would rather do business any day with someone who listens, is engaging and overall put together.

I also second several of the comments on here already and say that a handwritten thank you note can take you far in today’s business place. With everything revolving around technology, something like that can really stand out.

Nice list of things that should be done, but reality is do this things actually ever get accomplished. Especially living in a world were people are always on their phones 247.

From the perspective of a motivational speaker, I would add the following:
- ability to bounce back. Whether it be from an ill-timed comment in a conversation or from the way you handle a very negative situation. Bounce back. See the positive.
- be pleasant. It is amazing how easy it is to be kind and yet how few really are. Take a play out of the Ritz Carlton playbook and respond with “It’s my pleasure” (and mean it!)
- Be easy to do business with. Answer any challenge presented with “no problem” and don’t make it be one.
- Remember people and call them by name. People like this as long as it’s sincere.
- Be on time. When you value others time, they value yours and often reward you for your effort.

One addition…remember people’s birthdays. Make it quick and easy on yourself-send an email, leave a vm or text, post on their facebook page. In my 41 yrs, I’ve stayed connected to hundreds of people even if it is just once a year. It takes little time and simply says “just thinking of you”. I do this for old neighbors, old coworkers, old bosses, old teachers, etc.. I can’t tell you how valuable my “once a year” contact has been in generating connections and contacts and how fun it is to know how much they appreciate that you remembered.

Read through the first time and thought this was pretty simple, but good points. Read through again and realized I’m guilty of thinking what I’m going to say when someone else is talking. In my profession, that is not good. Need to work on that the paying attention part.

Excellent list! I agree with @Leianne. Remembering people’s birthday is very useful. But I would add that the birthday message should be personal. Something more than Happy Birthday!
Good points

It’s amazing that something as simple as “pay attention” even needs to be a tip – but it does! It drives me nuts when you’re talking to someone while they are typing a text/email and say “no no, go on, I’m listening.how can they use their timesheets?

As usual, Peter, a great and helpful list.

I don’t understand people who say they would be offended at someone calling them “sir/ma’am”. Maybe it’s my time in the military, but I don’t find the use of “Sir/Ma’am” as indicating anything except respect for the other person. My most striking example of this was a very senior officer who, during a presentation, called everyone (enlisted people, also) “sir/ma’am” when answering their questions. As a junior officer, it made a big impression on me and I’ve followed that example ever since. If someone is offended that I call them “sir/ma’am”, maybe they have bigger issues…

Thanks!

Going along with actually listening to a person talk and taking mental notes to what they say, something as little as remembering their name can have a huge impact. This creates a personal connection with the person. Just think how it makes you feel when someone you hardly know addresses you by your first name. It feels kind of good right? Especially when you had just met this person at a large event or party where you meet dozens of people. It shows that their face didn’t get lost in the crowd.

Be likable and resourceful.

I just thought of a useful, respectful-of-others technique. When I’m seated at a conference table with strangers, I take out a sheet of paper and make a diagram of circles which pertain to the seats. When people give their name, I write it in their circle. I can then address everyone directly. Great for guys like me who can’t remember, er… names.

Great advice! How about make eye contact when shaking hands, greeting and saying ‘good bye’ or ‘thank you’, especially neglected are servers at restaurants.

I think this is a great list. I shared the tip with some guys tonight about standing up as a woman approaches the table. I was shot down. Both the men AND women in this conversation vetoed the idea and said it was too over top. I don’t care what they think though; it definitely makes an impression.

Hi Jen,

I’ve been to a few etiquette sessions and they’ve always said to stand up when someone of higher ranking comes to the table. It definitely leaves an impression even if it is old-fashioned.

But then again, it’s all about standing out in a good way, right? ;)

wow, i never thought of these 5 things, good post

Refreshing. Comes down to being totally prepared and lot letting a run of bad luck ruin your whole day.

The etiquette and manners are good, but carrying around whole bunch of stuffs is not every man’s cup of tea. One shouldn’t expect returns for helping anyway. If they get, that’s wonderful.

I love a good hand written thank you note as a follow up. I have a gratitude box full of hand written thank you notes that people have given me over my lifetime and I must say, they carry a lot of weight with me. When someone takes the time to put pen to paper, especially in today’s fast paced e world, you will stand out to the person you give it to.

Live Your Dreams,

Jill

Showing appreciation seems to be the most mentioned point. Thanks Brennan Kingsland, Meghan, Sarah, Nancy Davis, Julia, Paulette Beeti, Sherry Eckert and Kathi Casey for mentioning it. I would add two things. One, encourage others; everyone needs to be encouraged; and this one is for the men, be prepared to rescue damsels in distress. I was at a friend’s house having lunch, when his granddaughter came over to visit. She was complaining about her key not working properly. Instead of trying to solve her problem, I asked her about school. Later, I thought about how I missed an opportunity to help her. Now I carry in my car lock lubricant. Lock and key problems are common in winter months and having a lubricant handy can help you be a savior to a damsel in distress. The principle works not just for frozen locks, but as was previously mentioned, to be prepared to rescue others in times of distress.

Great tips! I LOOOOVED this article. Thanks Michelle MacPhearson for sending me to your site – I’m a new fan :-)

Peter,

Another takeaway from this post is the simple matter of respect.

It bothers me personally that adults have become Mr. Peter or Ms. Jennifer to children these days. If I would have referred to my neighbors as Mr. Jack and Ms. Bernice, my parents would have washed my mouth out with soap and my neighbors, rightfully so, would have corrected me.

I blame this on us as adults for allowing this to occur. When I see my elders at church or in public, I still refer to them Mr. Smith or Mrs. Jones. People need to remember that the next time they see their 80 year old neighbor and refer to her as Mary instead of Mrs. Jones.

This was delightful and insightful. You covered certain practicalities we can all incorporate. I particularly liked you mentioning Mr. Bennett’s gentlemanly behavior. Women do appreciate being treated…like ladies.

Great post, I will try to incorporate these in my life.

Managing the small often overlooked social graces is always a plus. Our culture derides civility and often becomes crude and vulgar as an excuse for stupidity.

I deal with many criminal debtors, but never treat them with anything but respect and concern. These folks are too often treated as scum, and have never failed to respond positively to professional courtesy.

Great advice Peter, for those seeking to establish themselves as a professional.

Your list is great, but I can see it could have been the top 10 instead of 5.
I do have a problem with the suggestion of the response of “no problem” when you want to reassure a client.
I equate the phrase “no problem” with “whatever”. When I am discussing a problem or requesting someone to perform a request it really “hits me hard” when they respond with ” no problem”. I wonder if they really do understand.
Unfornately I have disappointed by many who have said, “no problem”. I prefer honesty.

some suggestions to add to the Go-to list:

- plasters / band-aids (I made several new friends when they had blisters and I had plasters)
- basic painkillers (substitute headache for blisters above)
- a small roll of selotape (for stray pet hairs and emergency repairs to trouser hems)
- a needle and thread

They don’t take up much room but they’ve saved me (and my new friends) several times.