Yep, I think it’s great counsel.

Particularly the point you make about asking a question that actually goes somewhere – that’s just good conversational form anyways. It distinguishes you from the rest of the small talkin’ schmos, and can allow you to elevate the level of conversation to a more intimate (for lack of a better word) space.

-Zack

I think your reply was very solid but yet moving at the same time. I think like that in certain situations but not all of the time. I never stopped to think about it but that is a great way to build friendships or even business contacts for sometime in the future.

Spot on!! “listen and process” instead of “listening just to find an opening so we can talk again”. Thanks, Peter.

Your advice speaks to the fact of the internet age, social networking and the porous divide between work and play. Any successful entrepreneur knows that every interaction – regardless of whether it is with the clerk at the convenience store or some big wig in a meeting – matters. It requires the creativity to imagine that the unimaginable is possible – you never know where a conversation may lead – and faith that people can truly surprise you.

I love the thought that netyworking is really just being human and that listening is the key to making connmections. But I urge you to remove the term “kill time” from your vocabulary, espeically in the context of having a conversation. First of all, we all have a limited amount of precious time. I refuse to kill a minute of it. Second, even a seemingly superficial conversation has value because people have value. Besides, we never know where a conversation is going to lead.

As usual, Peter, your remarks were right on target! While there may be techniques for successfully “working” a formal networking event, it all boils down to just meeting & having conversations with people, and it needs to be an integrated part of one’s daily life. Always reminds me of Salinger’s writing about “praying without ceasing” – “networking without ceasing”!

That’s the way I’ve lived my life for years. It’s called being interested in the world around you. People are always surprised that almost anywhere I go, I know someone or someone who knows someone I know. There is almost always a connection of some sort. It’s because I talk to people. Doesn’t matter if it “networking” or not. It’s amazing the contacts I’ve come up with. Not only for my job, but for all of the school and civic activities I’m involved with as well.

Hey Peter, pretty good answer. Not sure about this line though: “What did they just say, and how can you figure out a way to relate that to something to which you’re passionate about?”

I don’t think you should strive to analyze every single sentence to look for an angle on how to turn it around as a benefit. Sometimes, it’s just good to listen to people and take the conversation for what it is — friendly banter.

Cheers,
@johncarson

“In the end, connections don’t come from specific “networking” times – They come from just living your life.” Love that! Don’t make it another thing on your To Do List. :-) H.

P.S. @daynasteele had a great networking tweet this a.m.

What will you do today to help someone else succeed? That is networking at its best.

This is a solid reply, Peter. There has been so much talk recently about the integration of silos in our industry. Why, then, do people still insist that networking is its own separate process that requires an allotted amount of time set aside from regular day-to-day activities? I agree with you that we must always be aware of the people around us and regard networking as something we do naturally 24 hours a day. The key is active listening. Walking around with your eyes shut and your ears plugged will only let a world of opportunity pass you by. I say listen to the lady at the bus stop, your neighbourhood grocer and strike up a conversation with the guy sitting next to you at the coffee shop, because, like you say, you really don’t know the value of a potential conversation until you strike one up.

Peter,
like you said Tuesday, it’s a mindset. I can netWORK with my 10th person so i can check it off my list, or be curious about the person sitting next to me. I can keep dieting to lose yet another dreaded ounce of fat, or i can eat healthy foods as a lifestyle….

I have problems just striking a conversation with a stranger. I see people do it very successfully but I guess I am hindered by fear of something. I work as an usher at Joe Louis Arena where the Red Wings play and most of my season ticket holders have left me for other sections so I have to start over meeting new people. I am kind of on the fence about how to approach them since I was in my comfort zone with the old ones. I know I just have to do it because that is why they adore me because I get to know them.

I agree totally! Yes, networking ultimately comes from living your life and communicating with those around you along the way.

I got my very first job just commenting on a store’s merchandise.

I first connected with one of my publishers at a literary convention cocktail party, casually mentioning that we were the only ones there wearing all black.

I’m in a relationship that’s lasted three years and is still going strong, and that started with a comment about the weather!

The more people you meet, the more interesting life becomes.

I love this, *especially* the part about only networking when it suits you. As someone who’s just about a 50/50 split between an introvert and extrovert, this has been key for me. Trying to network when I really just want to read a book or tune out will always feel like drudgery, and can make me far less productive overall.

That said, taking advantage of the more extroverted times is far easier and far more sustainable when it’s based from a place of curiosity rather than obligation.

Peter – actually very solid advice. Although you did not actually say the words, I believe you were also implying that the listener ‘be in the moment.’ Being in the moment is what I strive to do more of each day, because it not only communicates that you’re really listening, but it helps you empathize with others and come up with solid, helpful responses.

I look forward to the email updates from your blog that hit my inbox daily. Posts like this one keep me coming back for more. Thank you Peter!!!

Very solid but obvious advice to me, which I think is why you had a hard time coming up with an answer. Successful networking is 24/7 without the intention of networking-it’s called communicating with the population around you. Like you said, it’s striking up a convo with the guy next to you while waiting for your drink at Starbucks, asking your dry cleaner how their family is doing and really listening to their answer (don’t you interact with them weekly?), politely and quickly responding to those endless evites whether you can or want to attend the event. It’s easy, and as you said, it’s fun. The world if full of lively, interesting and yes, possibly very well connected people if you just genuinely interact with them. Get off your computer regularly and just get out and engage in the real world. You’ll establish so many connections you’ll never have to (nor will you have time to) join a networking group. Thanks Peter for telling it like it is! Good luck in your training…

Peter:

This is tremendous advice and while it is the same advice I give to my Rainmaking Clients, you certainly said it in a more succinct and solid way.

Thanks!

Jaimie

You make excellent points. Connecting is caring and the best demonstration of caring is true listening. Good networkers don’t network. They ask powerful questions and really listen to the response, which usually leads to more questions and deeper learning. People don’t care what you know until they know that you care.

Spot on, Peter! I’d add only the salesman’s advice: ask for the signature. Have those conversations. Every day. Everywhere. Constantly. And make it interesting by asking a question that might lead somewhere, listening to the answer, and processing. But for the questions that do lead somewhere or the someones who are really cool, who might help you some day… or whom YOU may help some day… ask for a business card or some sort of contact information.

And then follow up. An email as simple as “Thanks for passing the time.” puts you in their address book. And then you’re connected.

Excellent blog post. I’m a believer in that it’s not a battle for work/life balance – it’s just life! Liked your line “We spend most of our time listening just to find an opening so we can talk again” – yes, guilty as charged. I’ll try to stop doing that – and try using my ears and mouth in the 2:1 proportion they were designed for!

I hate ending up seated next to people like you. 24/7 networkers are always in “what’s in it for me?” mode.

What a great post. I couldn’t agree with it more. When people attend networking events most of them go with the attitude of collecting as many business cards as possible, and handing out as many of their own cards as possible, some would call it ‘working the room’. In my eyes that is not networking.

Networking is about being yourself and talking to people. It is about greating conversations and then relationships that are win-win.

I think another important thing is that it doesn’t nessecarily have to be face to face. In this modern age, social media can assist and improve networking, Twitter being a great one. With that in mind if anyone wants to get in touch through twitter I would be happy to chat @vickimcivor

I think your reply was stated perfectly. Too often we think of networking as how can I promote myself and what can I get from this person when in reality networking is about building relationships with people.

My only addition would be to encourage a follow up with people who really seem to connect with you. Following up with a simple e-mail with a personal touch will differentiate you from everyone else.

Your response to the emailer simply confirms (for me) that networking is a mindset and a way of life. And you should enjoy it – it shouldn’t be one of those things that you “have to do”. It can be fun, integrated into your daily routine and as a result, highly effective.

Love it!

Networking comes easier for some people than others. I would say it’s a learned skill and a person needs to keep in practice. Networking is very much about listening to the other person, taking an interest in what they have to say, and offering input — though sometimes that input is not welcome, and hey, that’s life.

Talking to people you’ve never met before *can* be a little daunting — and sometimes surprising! For example: I wouldn’t call the following an exercise in networking, it was just something that happened, but it did concern talking to someone I’d never met before. This weekend I was at the laundromat and I happened to notice, a woman down the row from me was pouring A WHOLE BOTTLE OF BLEACH into one load of laundry.

So I mentioned, just trying to be helpful, “You might not need to use so much. If you’ve got a bad stain, I’ve got some ‘Shout’ you can spray on it…” and she snapped, “Don’t you tell me what to do! I KNOW how to do my own &*%$#@% LAUNDRY!”

I do think it’s funny that she countered my offer of ‘Shout’ with a shout of her own!

I think your response was great, I just wish it worked that easy. Like ciggy said, a lot of people don’t want to be bothered with conversations with strangers. It’s too bad, because you never know who you’ll meet.

Good luck with your training!

Great post and perfect response to your reader’s email, Peter!
It is important to note that networks build over time. I think someone new to business or to the concept might tend to develop an annoying, sales-y, hyper-networking persona. It is inauthentic and turns people off. The trick (for me at least) has been to be really comfortable with who you are, act authentically, and experience the joy of getting to know others’ stories. Get involved with projects that are cool because you believe in them. Good networking really is about letting your story unfold, caring about other people, and creating good in the world.
Mark – on the bleach story…I might have said to the lady, “Hey, thank God for Clorox, right?” and smiled. She probably would have told you a really good story!

Great advice Peter. I agree that networking can happen anywhere with anyone, and I especially like what you said about going beyond typical banter. Making all my conversations meaningful is something I strive to do every day- whether I’m networking for work or my personal life. It makes meeting people more fun when we’re not just talking for the sake of talking.

As @andreajlee proudly said on her blog, “There’s enough infocrap out there anyway.”

Molly — Normally, that would be good advice! :-) But in this case, the laundry lady’s arm-waving, furious response (and when she turned toward me, I really noticed her red-rimmed, distraught eyes for the first time) made me wonder if maybe she was *on* something. So I just nodded and backed off … before she started pouring bleach on ME! =:-O

I did quietly point her out to the management a little later, and they said they’d had problems several times with her before and they’d keep an eye on her.

Mark – I guess it is good to point out that not everyone you talk to will be completely sane and you may not know what you are walking into…some situations will be awkward no matter how you handle them!
(You still get karma points for trying to help her!)

Molly

Quick P.S. to my previous message: I guess my experience at the laundromat just goes to show, not every interaction with another person is going to be a networking opportunity … that’s the way the cookie crumbles. Hey, the world’s a big place, no one has the time or energy to interact with *everyone!*

Plus, some people just want to be left alone, and that’s okay — the other person has a say in it, too.

Molly — Thanks for the karma points! :-) Yeah, at the time I was thinking to myself, “Oh no! That lady must have mis-read the directions!”

Great advice, Peter. I’ve found that by completely dropping the word “networking” from my vocabulary and replacing it with the idea of just living my life and being interested in the things around me, things fall into place. I guess it helps to be naturally curious and to genuinely enjoy people – but I guess if you didn’t, cramming networking into your schedule probably wouldn’t be successful either.

Net, I agree with you 100% :)

Ron

I decided to invest in human capital and relationships first rather than expensive marketing materials.

Personally, I don’t see networking itself as that challenging, that is, if we are talking about the initial contact. What I do find difficult is following up. There never seems to be enough time in the day to give the deserved attention to existing contacts, let alone new ones. I would be more interested in hearing how you maintain your existing network and still find time for other pursuits.