How To Get Out of Town Painlessly This Holiday

PETER SHANKMAN

POSTED ON December 6th, 2011

23 COMMENTS

Welcome to December, where the majority of us don’t do anything productive. Instead, we half-ass through the month, with the self-fulfilling assumption that “everyone else is out of the office.” Turns out, we’re all still in the office. We don’t actually leave the office until around December 20th, and we all do it at the same time, headed to the same airports, on the same flights, and wonder why it’s so damn crowded!

With that, I offer these ten tips as a way to get out of town painlessly this holiday, whether you’re going to Grandma’s, back home, or to an island off the coast of Portugal.

These tips work. Trust me. I travel close to 250,000 miles per year on Unitinental Airlines. (My name for the Continental/United merger.) As such, these are things I do daily. Use them. They work.

11) The flight is not the time to be cheap, if you can afford not to be. Yes, it’s great to get a flight for $60 each way from NYC to LA. But know this: You’ll board last, you’ll be charged for everything, and you’ll probably wind up being miserable enough to make that $120 r/t fare cost you hundreds more. If you can afford it, pony up for economy plus or similar, at the least. It’s worth it, and usually have enough perks (first bag free, earlier boarding, more legroom) to make it the price worth it. Besides – ask yourself: How much are you really worth? Enough to be cramped for six hours, or enough to have some room, be able to get some work done, and have a drink?

10) Book the first flight out in the morning. Yes, it sucks to get up at 3am to make a 5:45am flight. But it’s worth it for the following reasons: First flights out are the ones that are usually the most on time. There’s nothing blocking them, the planes are usually already at the gate from the night before, and the skies are the least crowded. Chances are, you’ll get out on time, and make any connections you need to make. The later in the day your flight, the more of a chance of a delay, a missed connection, and one less day of actual “rest.” Bonus: Getting to the airport at 4:30am for a 6am flight means hardly any TSA lines.

9) Hubs are your friends. If you live in a city without an airport hub, your flight choices are limited, at best. Airports like Newark, which is like, 90% Unitinental, have multiple flights to the same destination over the course of the day. If you miss one, you have a better chance of getting the next one. If you live in Boston, for example, an airport without a “home” airline, it could pay to leave the night before, take Amtrak to NYC, have dinner with friends, and fly out first thing the next morning. More options equals less chance for delays or cancellations that affect you.

8) Look for alternate security lines. You know how buses, car rental shuttles, and cabs all seem to go to the same place? Chances are, the thousands of people they’re dropping off will just move like sheep from the curb to the ticket counter to the TSA line, without questioning anything. I like to walk to one end of the terminal or the other – More often than not, there’s another security line there, with much, much fewer people there.

7) When everyone is elite, no one is elite. At some hub airports, they have special checkpoints for elite travelers. The problem is, as any elite traveler will tell you, at those hubs, almost everyone there is elite, and the people who aren’t are crowding the lanes because they don’t know they’re not allowed to use them. Chances are, the non-elite TSA checkpoints will actually move faster, if they’re separate checkpoints. If they’re three LINES, and one is elite, get on the elite line. But if it’s an entirely separate checkpoint, you might do better in a regular lane.

6) A coin is metal, as is a cell phone, jewelry, and your business card holder. Be smart. Put everything you have into your jacket pocket, and put the entire jacket through the x-ray. This includes your belt. You’re allowed to take it off before you get to the security line, you know. The less you’re wearing on your person, the less likely Joe-TSA is going to direct you to the Anal-Probe corner.

5) Don’t check bags. If you’re going to California for ten days, yes, it’s understandable that you’ll need a suitcase. But guess what? It’s not a requirement that you travel with it! If you use FedEx ground a week before your flight, not only will your entire suitcase be waiting for you when you get to the hotel, and not only will you be out of the airport, on average, 30 minutes before those checking luggage, but with the fees that most airlines are charging for checked bags, using FedEx ground will actually save you a decent amount of cash! Just don’t check bags. It’s not worth it. I’m a huge fan (and on the board of) the ScotteVest. I’ve actually traveled to Asia for four days with nothing more than my vest holding everything I could possibly need.

4) Being a dick will NOT get you a better ANYTHING. A note about gate agents: They’ve heard it all, and they’ve been abused worse than Michael Vick’s childhood pet. There’s nothing you can say to them, no way you can threaten them, that will make them help you. BUT – Being nice, understanding that the holiday season brings out the newbie travelers which they can’t stand, can go a long, long way. Nod knowingly. Smile. Heck, bring chocolate. Gate agents have the power to make your next six hours a ride in a limo, or the equivalent to being kidnapped in Kandahar. BE NICE. It’s beyond amazing what being nice can get you. In general, this rule goes for life, as well.

3) For God’s Sake, board when called, and not before. I can’t TELL you how many times I’ve been ready to board, and they start with First Class and Top Tier elite. I then have to push past 100 idiots who are sitting in 34-K, but figure “Hey, if I’m close, I can get on first.” NO, YOU CAN’T. What will happen is you’ll block everyone else, make the flight board late, and possibly cause us to miss our wheels-up window, potentially delaying us for hours. If you do this, those who WERE in the right place at the start of boarding will KILL you, and it’s totally allowed. Yes, it sucks to not have overhead space because you boarded last. But you could have chosen a seat closer to the front. And besides, if you listened to me in tip 5, that won’t be a problem anyway.

2) When you land at your destination, and you’re walking out of the plane, compliment the pilot on a good landing. The landing is the one thing that has the least amount of computer control – it’s pretty much all-pilot. You want to make a pilot happy? Compliment him or her on what they actually did, as opposed to complimenting them on a good flight, which just means that the auto-pilot computer wasn’t running Windows XP.

1) Lastly, give yourself tons of extra time – Download some good apps, good books, or good magazines. Bring them, and know that shit happens. Don’t look for people to blame, don’t post to Twitter how much something sucks and how inconvenienced you are. You’re not alone, you’re not the only one to whom this is happening, and contrary to popular belief, it’s not in an airline’s best interest to not get you to your destination on time. They’re not doing this on purpose. Smile, know that things might go wrong, and try not to be “that guy” that bitches and complains, and without fail, gets recorded and sent to YouTube under the tag “douche.”

Happy flying, and happy holidays, my friends.

Any other tips? Leave them below – I’ll give a discount code for any ScotteVest product to the best one.

Nina

If not a member of the airline clubs, purchase a daily pass. You will be far more comfortable especially if changing at a hub post long flight. Usually $25.00 or so. The free food and beverages are good, too.

Bring extra chargers. They tend to get misplaced.

Unless your shoes and have them half off while waiting in security.

Pack trail mix or other, non-liquid snacks. Plane food sucks.
http://Www.cyber-cise.com Joanne Frederick

A few added tips to add some health to flights:
1 – Always, always carry on a bottle of water. You can take am empty refillable bottle through security and fill it for free at the water fountain or buy a large bottle when you survive the TSA, but don’t be left without water on a plane. Delays, crowded planes and some airlines charge for it anyway. You need water, especially while flying so be responsible for yourself and carry it on.

2 – Bring healthy snacks from home. The airport is the best example of a food desert I can think of… Highly processed, junk, fake foods which only make you feel worse. Most flights are 3 hours or less, so it is unlikey you’ll starve without the foul smelling garbage from a fast-food joint on the terminal and your fellow passengers won’t hate you for stinking up the plane. Bring some healthful, whole, real food from home. Nuts, fruits and vegetables make great choices. Plus, you’ll feel good about yourself for not giving into the temptation from whatever nasty bag junk they’ll try to hand you on board.

3 – Walk the airport! You’ve gotten to the airport early as instructed and now you have an hour to wait. Don’t sit! Get some exercise and walk the airport. I typically go to my gate to confirm all is going as planned and then I walk around that terminal. You can get some pretty good exercise in during this otherwise wasted time. Get back to your gate at least 20 minutes prior to your flight departure or stay closer to your gate as the time gets near. You’ll be happier (and less stressed) for getting a bit of exercise pre-flight.

Happy, healthy holidays!
Hazel Boone

If you have the opportunity to select your seats in advance, or pay to board first, do so. Then we won’t have to hear you complain that you and your girl can’t sit together. Also, don’t be miffed when no one rushes to switch seats with you.
http://www.scriptorium.com/blog Sarah O’Keefe

12) Bring your own NONSMELLY food. Don’t count on airline food, buy-on-board, or airport restaurants during a layover. Pack granola bars, fruit, trail mix, and the like. This will ensure that you don’t keel over midtrip. It will also make you a lot less cranky.

13) If traveling with children, BRING electronic gadgets. Portable DVD player, iPad, iPhone, whatever. Load them up with age-appropriate movies and games. Apply headphones to child. Sit back and relax. Aaaaahhh. You’re a parent who tries to limit “screen time”? Good for you. You can cut them off during the week at grandma’s house.
Kim L.

If you have to travel with a kid, consider ordering a new carseat and ship it to your destination. This works great when traveling to family where you are getting picked up. One of the safest seats on the market is only 39$! (link: http://mobile.walmart.com/ip/C.....e/13004563 – their toddler seat is cheap too!)

Especially if this is your first time traveling with a baby, lugging a car seat sucks. I’ve watched moms jump up and down when they got their broken 300$ seats back. You don’t want to be that mom! That leads into another tip, if you can’t ship a car seat, travel with that same safe cheap one. It saves heart break over your 800$ cow print seat and it actually comes with a travel bag. Not bad for 39$. We have a few of them floating around our family.

Happy travels!
http://websiteurl Scott

Noise reduction headphones are your friend. Not even to necessarily listen to anything, but just to tune out all the mindless chatting going on that gets in the way of actually relaxing. Not cheap, but worth every Rappen. Have a great holiday Peter and cheers from Key West (I’ve already escaped).
Katherine Hutt

Per tip #1, buy a seat for your baby or toddler under two, even though it’s not required. Kids are used to traveling (and sleeping!) in their car seats, so your angel is more likely to snooze in a familiar location…and you’ll have more room and a better temperament, too. And in case of turbulance or an emergency landing, your baby is MUCH safer in a seat than on your arms.
Katherine Hutt

Make that Tip #11 (darn tiny smart phone screen)
http://websiteurl Robyn Thompson

Peter, great post. As someone who traveled 90% of the time for many years, I have one thing to add:

Don’t yell at the gate agent/ flight crew for mechanical difficulties – they didn’t build or maintain the plane. I have one simple rule when I fly……….If the pilot doesn’t want to get on the plane then neither do I – I’ll gladly wait for a replacement
http://websiteurl JennyZucker

If you’re traveling as a family, have one parent board when they call for passengers traveling with young children or need a little extra time. That parent finds the seats and gets situated with all the kids’ stuff. The other parent stays off the plane with the kid(s) until they are about to close the door. The less time that kid is trapped in his seat, the better off everyone will be.
http://crosscountrynewbies.blogspot.com/ Marty

Hope this doesn’t make me sound like a party-pooper, but how about just not traveling during the holidays? Our families live in cold weather climates, and we tried visiting them for Christmas a couple of times. Got sick, stressed out, delayed, etc., so now we just don’t go at that time of year. Instead, we visit them (or have them visit us) at much less stressful times of the year, which is more enjoyable and cheaper. We also get to develop our own holiday traditions, which is really fun. That said, love the suggestion in #4 about bringing chocolate to the gate agent – I’m gonna use that one for sure!!
http://www.kupchamkt.com Liz

I so could’ve used tip #8 when I flew to DC a few weeks ago.
http://websiteurl maryl

1) If you bring luggage onboard, put it in the overhead bin WHEELS FIRST. It’s much more space efficient than putting a suitcase in sideways. The more space available in the overhead bins, the less likely there is to be a commotion of someone not being able to store their stuff and getting confused about gate checks while holding up the line of people trying to board the plane.

2) Bring a sleeping mask, inflatible neck pillow, light sweater and bobble / filtered water bottle onboard.

3) If you’re traveling with a young toddler, try to get a bulkhead seat so the baby can play on the ground during flight.
http://www.bruner.net Rick Bruner

Bring a ukulele. I’m never bored on lines or at gates. And the ladies love it. :-)
http://websiteurl Valerie

This is the time of year when lots and lots and lots of people are flying who never fly. Be patient with them. Smile. Help them out. That family with the car seat and stroller, diaper bag, and three kids would love it if you would carry the car seat over to where they are putting their shoes back on. The grandparents with heavy carry-ons could use a hand. The couple looking at their boarding passes who can’t find a zone number or wondering if they have to show their license to get on the plane. Help them out. We are expert travelers, which means we know how to do all of this. My suggestion is that in addition to having a good attitude and giving yourself lots of time, try to spread some cheer and gain all kinds of good karma by looking out for those who are clearly new to our arena.
http://fredglick.com Fred Glick

Please, please, please put your luggage up top with your tush NOT in the aisle. Also, let’s try to remember that your 15′ x40″ bag will not fit in a 10″ by 30″ space!
http://websiteurl Anna

Thought I’d chime in for any international travelers / travelers on long flights

- Don’t drink any alcohol or caffeine on the plane (or for me, I don’t even drink up to 12 hours before my flight) – it just adds to the dehydration you already get just from being on a plane. I stopped this when I started flying internationally, and not only can I sleep on long flights without a problem, I no longer get any jetlag.

- Set you watch to the time at your destination as soon as you get on the plane, and don’t continue to try to “figure out” what time it is back home – this only makes it more difficult to adjust to the time where you will be and increases how hard jetlag will hit you.

- wear shoes that are easy to take on/off. Makes going through security easier (at least in the US…European airport security doesn’t make you take your shoes off anymore) and also easier when you’re sitting in a cramped airplane seat.

- if you do have to have a layover, make sure it’s at least an hour (domestic) or 2 hours (international) in case your first flight gets delayed, or there is an abnormally long line in customs.

- pull out the items you plan on using before you board the plane, so you can stick your bag in the overhead bin as soon as you find your seat, instead of making the people behind you wait longer while you dig through your bag.
http://www.teamaguilar.com/torrey-highlands-real-estate.html Alex Aguilar

11a) Bring your back-up glasses if you wear contact lenses. Don’t wear your contacts during the flight – the dry recycled cabin air will make it a miserable, painful, nightmarish experience. I wish I hadn’t discovered this little tip the hard way. Also, I’m seconding Rick’s suggestion of bringing along a ukulele.
http://websiteurl Linad Panikowski

Think externally and with lovingkindness…in other words, if people are grouchy, towards you, put the focus on them. There is a reason for their grouchiness, and it ISN’T you! Everyone has something going on, and so it is important to always show more kindness than necessary. Perhaps that grouchy person is going home to bury their father instead of celebrating the holidays. Perhaps they just lost a pet, or are going through relationship troubles. Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, has loves something, and has lost something…A smile or a kind word is even more necessary to folks who are having a hard time in their life. If you attribute what we perceive as a bad attitude, to difficulty handling what is going on in their life, it may be easier to show grace, understanding, and kindness. And by wishing for their greatest good, you are doing the same for yourself. Double win! =) Peace and blessing to all during this holiday season!
http://websiteurl Linda Panikowski

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http://websiteurl Linda Panikowski

Think externally and with lovingkindness…in other words, if you meet someone who is grouchy, remember and believe that it has nothing to do with you (Unless you just pushed them and caused them to spill their drink all over themselves). What we perceive as their bad attitude may be a difficulty in handling what is going on in their life. Perhaps they are going home to bury a relative, instead of celebrating the holidays. They may have just lost a pet, a good friend, or be going through relationship troubles. Others who are going through difficult times are in even more need of random, “unnecessary” kindnesses than most! Consider that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something. It will be easier to deal with cantankerous people this way. By showing grace, understanding, and a smile, you may brighten another’s day, or even restore their faith that there are good people out there, as well as brightening yours! Double win! =) Peace and blessings to all this holiday season!
http://www.cliffstevenson.com Calgary Realtors

“A coin is metal” – hilarious. Given how much you travel Peter, I kinda feel like I just read an excerpt from the ‘travel bible’. Great ideas.
http://websiteurl Lauren

I’ve found that short-term friends can make a miserable delay far more bearable. Most recently my flight out of Newark was delayed for a few hours, one of those situations where we were delayed half an hour, then and hour…and so on. I struck up a conversation with a few strangers, and we swapped stories about previous flight mishaps and why we needed to get to Seattle. Not only did it make the wait less painful, but there were fewer of us harassing the gate agents about when we would actually get to board. Never even exchanged names, and I didn’t see them again after boarding, but having someone to talk to for a few hours made hanging out in the terminal much easier, and left me in a better mood when talking to gate agents and the flight attendants (helping with Tip 4!).

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