PETER SHANKMAN
| POSTED ON September 30th, 2011 | 67 COMMENTS | + ADD YOUR COMMENT |
Today, I am simply NOT Mary F’ing Sunshine.
One of the joys of running a small business (or having any kind of job, really) is that usually, you really like it. “Usually,” however, is the clutch. There are days when you just won’t like it. You’ll be in a shitty mood, either from work or something else, yet you still have to go in and smile like you’re the happiest person in the world, not a thing bothers you, and life is just a bowl of ripe, freaking peaches.
See the problem?
I WILL FREAKING KILL YOU.
I’m having one of those days now. It’s a fun little combination of things. A fight with the fiancé. A bad workout, coupled with a trainer who weighs about nine pounds soaking wet, eight of those pounds being muscle, telling me that he thinks I can do more and am giving up. A week of living out of boxes, because even though my new place is bigger, there are less closets, and until I have a contractor (WHO WON’T FREAKING CALL ME BACK) come in and build new cabinets, I’ve no place to put all my crap… Whatever. It’s been a shitty week. It happens. But it doesn’t have to result in you losing customers, friends, followers, fans, or revenue. Here’s a list of ways to deal with having a crappy week, without getting the rest of the world to hate you.
1) Put down the device. Nothing good ever comes from posting publicly what a crappy mood you’re in. (Unless you’re doing it in a blog post with the goal of helping people, so shut up.) No one wants to know you’re having a tough time – Close friends do, and they’ll be there to help you. But your followers and fans have their own crap to deal with, they don’t need yours. Tweeting how your life sucks at the moment guarantees only one thing: You’ll lose followers and fans. Don’t do it.
2) Stop thinking you’ll just “burst out of it” when you get to work, or when you get home, or whatever. Bad moods take time to shake off. You can’t just plan to be in a good mood at 8:56am as you walk in the door. It doesn’t work like that. Instead, know that you’re in a bad mood, and don’t make it worse by expecting things to just “clear right up.” When that doesn’t happen, it’ll only make you angrier.
3) Hit the gym. Really “HIT” the gym. There are reasons big lug-type guys fight. There’s a chemical reaction that occurs when your fist hits something else, whether it be a person who really deserves it, or a punching bag. However, the former can get you a nice lawsuit at best, and a weekend in jail at worst. So hit something that can’t sue or arrest you. Go to the gym and start punching a bag there. Ask a trainer to show you how if you’ve never done it. Or, make your own. Go get some sand, put it in a pillowcase, and put the pillowcase against the wall. Tie the pillowcase really tight, so the sand is compacted, and punch away until you’re out of breath, and the endorphins have kicked the bad mood out of your head.
4) GTFO. Get out your geographic situation. If you have the ability to work from somewhere other than the office for a few hours, do it. I’m currently writing this blog post in a little park on 43rd St. between 9th and 10th Avenues. Why? Because it’s not in my apartment surrounded by boxes, and it’s not near any of the people who’ve recently pissed me off. I’m currently surrounded by two homeless guys, one chain-smoking construction worker, and a guy on his mobile phone complaining that “Well, he won’t remove the post from Facebook, and it’s making me look stupid.” See? Everyone has problems.
5) While I don’t wholeheartedly endorse this next one, sometimes, it works. Get shit-faced. Sometimes, it’s just what you need to do. BUT… There are right and wrong ways to do it. A) Get a best friend who won’t judge you. B) Go to a bar where no one knows either of you. C) DO NOT BRING ELECTRONIC DEVICES. D) Stop JUST BEFORE “OK, let’s have one last one.”E) Go home, drink a lot of water, and go to sleep. Sometimes, it just works. Again, I don’t recommend doing this a lot, but every once in a long while, it’s exactly what’s ordered.
6) Borrow a dog. If you don’t have a dog, borrow one. Go to a park, and play with it. You simply can’t be in a bad mood if you’re playing with a dog.
7) Go spend some money. I’m not talking about going to Vegas and blowing a second mortgage at the Venetian, but go buy something you’ve always wanted, even if it puts you in a slight bit of debt. A new Plasma TV. A new set of steak knives. Whatever you like doing, buy something that lets you do it better.
8) Talk to somebody who you PAY to listen. I’m not talking about bugging a friend, although that’s a good idea, too. I’m talking about someone who has no choice but to listen to you, because their livelihood depends on it. A manicurist. A masseuse. A therapist. Someone who has to listen to you, and won’t pass judgement. If we didn’t get pissed off from time to time, these people wouldn’t make a living.
9) Do something that scares you. Go skydiving. Learn to mountain climb. Something that breaks you out of your rut will help you overcome your anger.
10) Finally, and I know this is lame as hell, know that this too, will pass. Your anger will go subside, and be replaced by happiness. It has to, because we can’t survive if we’re angry all the time. So yes, it sucks. Embrace the suckage, knowing that at some point in the very near future, it’ll go away, and you’ll once again be happy.
As for me… I’m going to go find a punching bag and beat the ever-living shit out of it. Happy Friday.
Tweet
|
As long as you are already having a crappy day, may I point out that using “less closets” is not grammatically correct? You could say “fewer closets” or ” less closet space” to correct the error. Sorry if “playing with me” (cause I’m a dog ;) ) irritated you even more. I can’t help it; the English degree thing is entirely instinctual. Like chasing a ball or going on a walk. |
|
Peter – I feel your pain! I am typically a very upbeat person, but have had a real FML couple of days. Ha. Thanks for the very timely post. All great suggestions. Cheers to a better weekend! |
|
you forgot one thing: pick up a pen. a keyboard. a stylus. write. draw. create. it certainly works for you as i can practically see the corners of your mouth starting to turn up… :) |
|
I couldn’t agree more with the ideas you have, especially talking to someone who you pay to listen to you and spending time with a dog. I hope tomorrow is better! |
|
My God this is hilarious. And very helpful, all at the same time! P.S. – I feel for you with the whole “move” thing. I used to think I was pretty cool with “rolling with the punches” during a move to Phoenix Arizona a few years back. I soon learned something about myself I didn’t want to know – I don’t roll very well – I’m kinda like a square wheel. Anyway, thanks for the laugh, the advice, and here’s hoping your corner of the world gets back to some sense of normalcy soon. Phyllis Neill |
|
Boyo, this blog came at just the right time. I won’t waste your time telling you why! But, thanks! Thinking about #5 for tonight. |
|
Peter, |
|
Even the crappiest days do deliver slivers of light. Thanks for the smile Peter and as you said “this too will pass.” Leanne Hoagland-Smith |
|
Peter – great tips. Sometimes, you just need a breath of fresh air. It’s a gorgeous fall Friday here in NY..I’m gonna work from Central Park. I’ll probably not get AS much work done as I should, but it’ll clear the mind and boost the spirit and that’s usually worth more than the extra work. |
|
Some wise words indeed! Can you set it to music a la Everybody Needs To Wear Sunshine. You could have a Christmas number one on your hands. |
|
I’ve had some of my best runs on crappy days. And generally, after being outside (or even on the treadmill if needed) the day isn’t so crappy anymore and I’ve accomplished something good for my body in the process. Other times, I just embrace it and know it will pass. |
|
#6 is pure genius. All I want to do when I’m miserable is get home so I can flail around with my dog. |
|
11. Check out my blog, Reptilian Rantings, which is perfect for dealing with such days!!…b |
|
Some more ideas: I hope your frustrations get better. As you say, this too shall pass. Sometimes it is just a matter of endurance. If we lived in NY, I’d send my husband to do your cabinets–he’s great. Sorry to rub it in. Did I mention keep a sense of humor? |
|
I feel for you Peter. Had one myself. Yesterday learned that a cousin died of a heart attack; he just turned 49 last week, and my mom fell and has a fractured pelvis. Now that’s a real crappy day. Deep breaths… |
|
I’m glad you didn’t add “Eat Chocolate” because I’m not sharing any of it! |
|
Do something about it and yes, I appreciate the distinction between not ranting and raving over the Interwebs vs. a constructive blog post. Other options: mind rot, whatever your TV or movie poison is, pick something truly mind-numbing and just wallow in it; if you’re GTFO of Dodge, emergency mini-tri; knowing it’ll pass along w/ knowing someone somewhere is probably having a worse day, and sure, chase down that perspective with a cocktail or 10. And you’re dead right about borrowing a dog; a cat probably won’t give a shit. FWIW. |
|
I’m in the same boat as Greg – totally missed the engagement announcement! Congrats on that, and on knowing how to channel your anger. Me, I just bottle it up until I go on a large retail therapy binge. One look around my house will tell you I’ve dealt with a LOT of anger over the years! |
|
Totally agree with number 6. As crappy as some of my days can be, going home to my dog really does make it better. How can you be upset when something is so excited to see you that his whole body wiggles? |
|
I’m sorry you’re having a crappy day, but I couldn’t stop laughing while reading this post. It’s fantastic. Hope your day gets better. Go jump out of a plane or something … :) Heather |
|
I hear you Peter, I am having a crap week myself. Grape therapy didn’t work, I haven’t written in a 6 days, have been injured for the 4 of them but was finally able to get out for a very slow run in the sun yesterday (my mp3 player died 7 mins into my run…time to get an ipod, oh retail therapy). Hang in there, what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger – sounds like we are going to be FIERCE by the end of the day! |
|
Every office needs a break room with a punching bag. Great post, great timing, and great help! |
|
I hear ya! Had one of those last night. My solution? Threw a spatula, yelled at my husband, had a glass of wine, chopped up some veggies with ridiculously exaggerated vigor then played with my 2-year old son who told me he loved his mommy. :) All was well after that. Hope your day improves! |
|
Totally missed the engagement — CONGRATS! That is something awesome to look forward to. Great tips. Your day will get better..it always does. Just keep thinking about all the people who have less than you. I volunteer with a lady who lives on $245/month. I spend that on lunch probably in one week — it always brings me back to reality. |
|
You must have read my mind from the moment my eyes opened this morning. Great advice on how to move past that temporary “ugh” feeling back into the realm of happiness. Plus being mad/cranky/pissy is really bad for your skin! |
|
Can’t thank you enough for this post. It was perfect timing and judging from the responses I am not the only one. Printing and taping it to the cupboard for future days like today. |
|
Great post! I always find limiting myself to a five minute rant to a close friend – just to ‘voice’ my pain/anger briefly and then doing something I love (like drinking vino and eating fine food with my friend/boyfriend) chases it all away. Makes me focus on what I love in my life, how lucky I am, and can help me remember that there are a lot less fortunate people out there who might see my shitty day as one of the best of their lives – then you can’t really complain can you? |
|
Peter, you’re a legend. Yours are the only business blog posts I read that sound like a real person, and today is real. I couldn’t agree more about putting down the device…my Facebook feed is full of moaners and complainers and bitter people, and that doesn’t help me on any kind of day. We love you man. |
|
Sorry you’re having a crappy day. By the way, your HARO comment about writing 5771 on your checks for the next month cracked me up. Oh, and #11: chocolate! |
|
3 other items for the list: |
|
Sorry, Peter, I’m having a great day, and your post just made it that little bit much better! Hearing other people’s problems generally doesn’t help you when you’re down, but it’s great therapy when you’re happy to remind you to count your blessings often. As for me, when I’m having a crappy day, I’ll endorse numbers 3 and 6. I run rather than hit things, but it turns out you really can run away from your problems if you’re willing to run far enough and fast enough. And if the unconditional love of a dog doesn’t pull you out of your funk, I’m afraid nothing will! |
|
Along with the playing with a dog idea: you can’t be in a bad mood when playing with a baby, either! My family had 2 dogs growing up, and two years ago when 1 died I bawled like a baby. When the 2nd one died this year I still cried but not nearly as much because I would go hold my little one and his smiles would make everything better. |
|
Thanks for the advice. I personally have a bad day because I live in California and I think we have a law against that ( there certainly is for everything else ) and I understand that we also have a new tax on people who are in a bad mood too. Okay-I’ll stop before I give myself away……… |
|
Peter, could not love your words more, Hopefully GTFO combined with #3 will help. When I can’t kick the bag in my garage til my legs feel like rubber, playing with my two #6′s always makes me feel better. Mazel Tov on the fiancé! The amazing part about sharing your life with a loving, compatible partner is that once it a while it may feel like they added to a shitty day but most of the time they will be what puts the smile on your face after the shitty day. Go for #11 – Great make-up sex. ;) |
|
Thanks for this post, Peter. I’ve been going through some rough times myself and also in the process of moving. Will do some, if not all of your suggestions as needed. |
|
Fantastic! Love this! I just moved last week and ended up with a cold this week. Tired, still have boxes, curtains, etc. etc. I understand, empathize, and hope this weekend will do you some good. |
|
Well…having a fiance certainly sounds like it could brighten your day. I often vote for a walk in the woods, but then I don’t live in NYC. Did The Helena not work out or was it the thrill of ownership? |
|
Ok … the post was really good, but the cat photo was essential to the story! I have a good friend in Utah (started first coffee roasting business here) starting her own bean to bar chocolate business. I’ll send you some to keep as a stash for those bad days … it is gourmet dark chocolate so a little will go a long way and it’s good for you! Let me know where to send it .. she should be up and running in a couple of weeks (you can be a taste tester — if you like dark chocolate). |
|
point #1 can totally apply to SOOOO many situations, not just pissed off. Right on! Hope tomorrow is better! |
|
How about this: Take the time to appreciate what you have. People never want to do this one when they’re in a bad mood (because sometimes it just feels good to stew for a while, doesn’t it?). Nonetheless, the great news is that you A.) Have a fiancé! Congrats! B.) Have a trainer who’s making every effort to get results and won’t just tell you what you want to hear! That’s awesome! C.) Just moved into a new, larger place! Congrats! D.) Can afford a contractor and new cabinets. Hope next week treats you better! |
|
“Embrace the suckage” … Love it! I am totally stealing that line. |
|
Slam a door, accompanied by hollering. Slam door repeatedly during the worst episodes. This works best when no one else is at home. Super Kate (Yes, even super heroes have day days.) |
|
remind yourself it could always be worse. You’re alive, you’re healthy, you have a job, you have a roof over your head, you have food on your table. It’s okay to have a crappy day and to wallow for a short time but then snap out of it and say it could be a lot worse and it is for many people. Be thankful for everyday and that means for whatever that day brings. Hope it gets better :) |
|
Moving does sucks. It’s plan and simply a disruption, but in your case upgrading! I have moved 5 times in 4 years, don’t ask, part of my adventure since leaving corporate A in 2006. I have been feeling very squirley myself this past week. Morphing, changing, evolving. Going with the universe. I just came back from NYC and saw many of those parks and those “real’ people. TG for them in NYC! A little space! Yin and Yang. They define each other. You made me laugh! Give it the 48 rule and this will be a distant memory! Great to see you at Media Mania! xo |
|
It really helps me to know that people who I think “have it all” have bad days too. Thank you. |
|
Sorry you had such a shitty day. Sometimes just talking a walk to a place in the city you haven’t been to before helps. When I feel like that I take a walk down by 34th and 8th and walk over towards the Javits center. I look up at all the fire escapes and think about how my family lived there during the depression with nothing but a fire escape as a patio. It puts things in perspective for me. On a brighter note I had a great day today because of something you recommended weeks ago. I can’t thank you enough for that. I hope your having a better evening and here is to you having a great day tomorrow! |
|
Ever since we lost our house and cars, my entire office, half of our street, and a lot of the city and residents of Tuscaloosa in the EF4 tornado that hit last April, I can say that bad days are all relative. Prior to that, I occassionally grumbled when things didn’t go my way. However, having held tight to my children as our home disintegrated around us, having lived like refugees as kind volunteers gave up days and weeks of their busy lives to help us, and having lived out of boxes for almost 6 months as we rebuild, I can honestly say I haven’t had one ‘bad day’. I’ve just been entirely grateful to be alive, to have seen the heroism in ordinary people, and to appreciate that nothing matters more in life than getting to wake up each day and be with the ones you love. Quiet reflection on that thought may negate the need for a punchbag. |
|
Peter, I have to agree with #6. My sister-in-law just got a 6-week old Wheaten Terrier. This dog is cutest, funniest, most ridiculously awesome thing I have ever scene and immediately de-stresses me. Animals are such an important part of a person’s life. I haven’t had a pet in 12 years but seeing this dog and spending time with it made me realize how much fun and happiness an animal provides… Also remember, sometimes you just need to RAGE… keep it constructive but let that crap out. Let the poison out of your body then absorb some good. You’re the man. Ryan H. |
|
I hope you’re feeling all better by now. I wanted to add that sometimes, it is good to say, “I’m having a bad day.” Followers need to know that no one has a perfect life all the time. Listening to “my life is perfect” “my life is perfect” “my life is perfect” only causes people to feel like their life is crap. Reality is good, imo. |
|
We’ve all been there and feel for you. When you start to see the end of the unpacking tunnel, this will pass. Crank up the tunes when you unpack! I’m partial to Aretha so that I can dance (with the dog!), but whatever floats your boat… |
|
Peter thank you so much for this list!! You really have it down and thanks so much because you should write a coaching book, if you haven’t already. I read this to my 16 1/2 year old twin sons. They really appreciate it also, kudos to you!!! this is perfect. thank you for helping me help my sons!!!! |
|
I have nothing of value to add except that the angry cat in the stock photo you used in your blog-post is the spitting image of the (sadly departed) cat I had back in college. It’s like he is haunting me over the Internet. |
|
brilliant. just got my first puppy and i must say i wholeheartedly concur with the dog suggestion as well. great post-thank you! |
|
It must be something in the air because I was in a funk and wrote this post a few weeks ago…how I change my attitude in 15 minutes. http://homeofficehustle.square.....nutes.html But I love the idea of borrowing a dog! |
|
May I recommend going for a really, REALLY fast ride on horseback? Horses are – in my opinion, one of the most therapeutic animals ever. Dog’s have nothing on them. |
|
this is a great bog and im really happy i stumbled upon it. first I’d just like to say that the dog thing is SO true. puppies make everything better. as for not posting about your crappy mood, i beg to differ. i think it makes a person seem more real and relatable when they do. think about if someone is always saying how great life is and how happy they are and everything is so jolly blah blah blah. lets get real here! everyone has them and it actually makes people feel better about themselves when they hear that other peoples lives suck too. at least that holds true for me. will definitely be visiting again soon! Renee |
|
I’d like to shake your hand PS! I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today and have been using all my “positivity tools” to shake it and nothings working….out of the blue- a friend sent me your post and I feel like I’ve been given permission from the universe to just allow the bad mood to linger…it’s ok and I won’t apologize for it, unless I really piss someone off:-) |
PETER TO SPEAK
FOR THE NEWSLETTER
