PETER SHANKMAN

How To Stop Being Angry

It’s amazing how many people waste so much time each day apologizing for their actions that happened when they were angry. “I’m sorry I called your mother a worthless piece of bacteria, I was angry.” “Dude, sorry I hurled a rock through your windshield, I was angry about something else.”

Instead of being angry bout something and going on with your day while being angry, why not lose the anger? No, it’s not terribly easy, but it’s also not monumentally hard. Below, ten ways to quickly dump 95% of anger on any topic right out of your head.

1) Work out. Without fail, this is the best, hands down way, to get over anger. I was pissed off last week. I had two options: Take it out on my wife, since I was in Rome and no one else spoke English, even though she had nothing to do with it, or put my iPod on and go workout. I chose the latter. Ran at full-speed for a mile – nearly had a coronary. Then lifted 10% more than my max. Busted out six reps before I started seeing stars. Did all of this while listening to “Breaking the Habit” by Linkin Park. Came back to my hotel room a half hour later smiling.

2) Take a nap. 15 minutes of sleep refreshes you, drains some “I’m going to kill him” endorphins and puts you back in a calmer place. It really does work. Don ‘t make it more than 15 minutes though, or you’ll wake up groggy, and be even angrier.

3) Go find an animal. Go sit down on the floor and play with a dog or a cat for 10 minutes. Scientific study after scientific study has shown that playing with animals makes you happy, calmer, and better able to react well to life. Plus, they’re PUPPIES AND KITTENS!!!

4) Buy something. Don’t go all Wesley Snipes-in-debt, but go splurge on a pair of shoes, or a new flat-screen. There’s a direct correlation between shopping for something you want and dopamine production. Dopamine is the brain’s happy juice. Occurs when you work out, too, but sometimes, running your AmEx through a Veriphone terminal is more fun.

5) Water. Drink some, play in some, cross over some. Drinking water in itself is beneficial. See this post for why. Playing in some makes you feel young. Crossing over some lends to good views. All three of which will lose the anger and promote happiness.

6) Call an old friend. Connect with someone who knows you well, who puts up with your crap but calls you on it. Chances are they can tell you why your anger isn’t worth it.

7) Volunteer somewhere. Go serve soup at a homeless shelter. Go build a house at Habitat for Humanity. Even just give a guy on the street a dollar. Counting your blessings can usually make you realize how petty your anger is.

8) Write an email and don’t send it. Turn off your wifi, write whatever to whom you’re angry about, call them every name in the book. Save the email. Come back to your computer an hour later. Read it again, and then delete it. Trust me, you won’t want to send it.

9) Go to Temple, Church, a Mosque, or a prayer room at an airport, if that’s what moves you. There are reasons houses of worship are open all day – If it’s something that helps you, make some time to do it.

10) Ask someone to tell you the corniest joke they can think of. It’s hard to stay mad after someone says to you “So a guy walks into a bar… You think he would have seen it and avoided it.”

Plus one: Just take a deep breath. Sometimes, that’s all you need.

What else can you do to stop being angry? Leave it in the comments.

  • http://twitter.com/tyfrancis Ty Francis

    Very timely. 100% agree…well apart from the puppy thing…that would just annoy me :) Could I swap out 3. Go find and animal, with 3. Go find a Gentleman’s Club? Where you’ll find a totally different kind…STOP IT TY!!

  • http://www.robyndavissekula.com Robyn Davis Sekula (@itsRobynwithay)

    I would steer clear of writing that e-mail in a format in which it could be accidentally sent. Instead, I’ve written things like that in a Word doc and deleted it. To actually send it would take several steps, and that prevents the accidental sending. Otherwise, great post with great points, all. I’m so much happier when I work out.

  • http://websiteurl Nikki

    I clean. Seriously, when I’m that ticked off and need a positive place to put that energy, I clean. Top to bottom, floor and wall scrubbing clean. Turn on the ipod to to the loudest heart pumping music and just get lost in the task. After an hour of hard cleaning, perspective returns with a clarity that helps me move past the anger and onward.

  • http://www.hespos.com Tom Hespos

    Long ago, I took a page from my dad’s playbook and learned to let go of anger almost immediately. If somebody does something that pisses me off, my anger lasts five minutes tops. Concentrate on fixing whatever it was that made you angry and not letting it happen again, then move on. “Life is too short” is something everyone needs as a mantra.

  • http://www.JustTellHerToStop.com Beck

    Great helpful info Peter! I’m keeping this one because when the anger shows up it is often tough to remember all of this stuff and there are times more than one of the options is needed. I’m with Ty on the #3 – except for the animals thing…not a pet person (just don’t like cleaning up after them mainly in case you think I’m heartless). Yesterday I discovered that the bunnnies had destroyed all of my clematis vines and most of my hostas…I wanted Elmer Fudd to come take care of those wily wabbits for me! I breathed instead and vowed to remember to always spray deer and rabbit repellant starting early in the spring…I slacked off this year so it really was my fault.

    Thanks Peter
    Becky Henry

  • http://websiteurl Marie

    I agree with most of this, but wow… what a world you must live in that you’d just go “splurge on a flat screen.” I saved for eleven months for my TV! Good grief. (I disagree on the working out, though… it definitely works for some people, but I have never once worked out and not felt miserable afterwards. Oh well, to each his own on that one!) #7 is the best piece of advice, easily.

  • http://www.sepco-solarlighting.com Liz Karschner

    WOW, thanks for some great tips. I’ve been angry, but have been going to the gym and notice that I’m fine when I get out…definitely works wonders and you look better too ;) I will have to try some of your other suggestions when I can’t get to the gym! It is really draining to be / stay angry and finding what works best for every person would improve the world in so many ways.

  • http://www.issamar.com Rabbi Issamar Ginzberg

    This is the text of a Jewish prayer said every night before bed.

    When someone asked me about personal and non business issues, I tell them about this prayer– and to my non Jewish clients to say as well. it’s a major way to rid your life of anger, stress, and bad feeling toward others…

    “Master of the world, I forgive anyone who made me angry or upset or who hurt me,
    My body, my things, my feelings, or anything thing that is mine
    By accident or on purpose
    By words, actions, thoughts;
    In this world or in another world.
    I forgive each one.
    May nobody be punished because of me.
    May it be your will God—God of my ancestors—that I not hurt anyone anymore.
    Whatever hurt that I have done, may You forgive me and not punish me.
    God, may these words I say and the feelings in my heart make You happy.”

    A top psychologist recommends it as well to everyone….

  • http://gratitudegeek.com Kandas

    Over the weekend I had a brief moment of anger and frustration due to a situation that was completely out of my control. I decided that rather then stewing over frustration, I would fill my pot with gratitude. So, I sat down and wrote two heart-felt greeting cards to two people who were associated with the cause of my frustration but not responsible for it. I even included a gift for each of them. It was an excellent way to adjust my attitude back to gratitude.

  • Ellen

    Anger and jealousy are big issues for me, always have been, especially the jealousy thing. But I’ve changed the way I handle it simply by saying and BELIEVING that it’s just easier to be happy for people. So, be happy for people – even if they are a-holes. Happiness and compassion, that’s how I get through the day.

  • http://websiteurl Heather

    I’m with Robyn… I’m so scared that I’ll accidentally send it! I usually hand-write things like that because it’s safer and writing until my hand hurts reminds me that I’m putting far too much energy into something so pointless…

    Great post! Thanks, Peter!

  • http://helenabcommunications.com Helena Bouchez

    Actually, the magic in all of these suggestions is that they give the part of the brain that regulates behavior (prefrontal cortex) enough time to determine the reaonableness of the message the amygdala shoots out! Here is a good explanation of how it works. http://info.emergencehealthnet.....038;cn=116

  • http://bocaratonforeclosures.net Lisa

    Great post on an important topic! I think many people choose really unhealthy outlets to cope with anger, and women often choose alcohol. I agree that the best way to deal with anger is exercise, particularly high intensity exercise. I started Crossfit in January, and I think I have diffused every ounce of anger I had repressed with each and every WOD! In fact, I think anger is fantastic fuel for getting into the most amazing shape of your life. Interestingly, there is research in the area of mind body medicine showing that anger has a significant, detrimental effect on your health and immune system via the receptors which sit on each and every cell membrane in your body (The Biology of Belief). Exercise is a great way to diffuse anger AND stave away the damaging health effects of that emotion. Great post, Peter!

  • http://websiteurl Mysty

    I can vouch for #1, work out. I was really irritated about something just yesterday and it led me down a path of feeling sorry for myself and sad – I hate that. I hit my Zumba class last night and by the end of the 7 minute warm up, I was smiling. I came home in a great mood. Mission accomplished.

  • http://websiteurl Marjorie

    These are great tips. I also recommend choosing a closet, drawer or cabinet to clean/organize. It will get rid of stagnant energy and make room for new opportunities in your life (or shoes in your closet). :)

  • http://about.me/aisharasul Aisha Rasul

    Nice one, Peter! Here’s something I always try to do when I feel frustrated:

    Take a pause, and then really think through the situation. Consider what’s contributing to your anger and try to find the point in which it is something you could or could have influenced for a different outcome. Whatever you identity is now in the past. Own it and take away what you can to improve the circumstances for a better result in the future.

  • http://www.ChrisThePhotographer.com Chris

    #1 works so well, taking a hard run up a hilly trail does wonders for helping me move on.
    Also, I’ve worked on trying to be less angry (hard for a tightly wound east coaster) mostly by changing my attitude towards people. Read the second paragraph here:
    http://www.thewholechild.us/in.....ty_an.html

  • http://jimseybert.com Jim Seybert

    Shankman once again delivers a better sermon than probably 90% of the clergy will this weekend.

    Great advice Peter. My favorite (and most effective) would be #3. The little six-pound chihuahua who sits under my desk is always available to supply her (slobbery) brand of anger management.

  • http://www.academyofancientreflexology.com Karen Ball

    I suggest people ask themselves two questions:
    1. What am I trying to make happen by getting angry?
    2. How else can I get what I want?

  • http://www.daraonradio.com Dara Blaker

    Watch Spongebob. You just can’t be in a bad mood when you are watching Spongebob. You could also try skipping or playing hopscotch. Kids are always in the pursuit of fun. Watch them do stuff. They are always smiling. Go to a waterpark. You can’t help but smile going down the slide.

  • http://url Robert Rosen

    I remember something I heard from my boss that he told me he learned from a psychologist. When someone does something that really makes you angry, remember, sometimes they have a reason and you should address it but usually, they’re just being an a****ole and why spend time paying attention to a jerk. When you realize that you can laugh at yourself and move on. It works for me.

  • http://websiteurl TARA

    Chocolate! A little bit of chocolate always helps. Of course, a trip to the gym is in order as well – because if I’m angry it might be more than just a little bit…

  • http://www.allpointspr.com All Points PR

    Great article. There is never any sense to being angry . When we get angry we take a break or go exercise which releases endorphins and creates more positive energy.

    All Points PR Chicago PR Firm

  • http://websiteurl Stephanie

    If you don’t have a pet at hand to cuddle and smile, watch an animal clip online like “Talking Beaver on the Highway” at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sekLEG8xsOs or “Ultimate Dog Tease” at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeKSiCQkPw

  • http://nateriggs.com Nate Riggs

    Dude – we don’t know each other well, but thank you for this post. After this week, I needed a gut check reminder on my own attitude. This post serves well. Cheers and thank you.

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  • http://organizationalsuccess.biz lynn belzer

    About anger, ask yourself if this will matter in a week? Tomorrow? In an hour?
    Is the answer ever “yes”?

  • http://fortlauderdaleforeclosures.org Mike

    Angry people are just bad energy, and it is so contagious at times. As soon as I get into reaction mode, I’m quicker to respond to people like that and it’s all downhill from there. It’s never really worth it. My wife is a Clinical Psychologist, and her favorite acronym is “ITNU.” Whenever she runs into more angry/nutty people than usual, she refers to that acronym, which means “It’s Them, Not Us.” Their issues always have far more to do with them than they do you, so don’t take it personally and move on.

  • http://websiteurl David Cox

    Great advice for everyone. Good advice for when you aren’t angry too.

  • http://www.twitter.com/nickichai nicki

    Take a shower, wash the negative feelings down the drain. Refreshing for body, mind and soul.

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  • http://www.thesmarterhomeoffice.com Linda

    Great List and great comments. Re: #4 Studies do say there is an increase in dopamine when buying something, but there is no sustained effect when you bring the bought item home. Seeking (hunting) creates a lift in brain hormones, but the possession of the item results in a drop of those brain hormones. Think of all the people with closets full of things with the price tags still on.
    I Nicki’s shower idea. Free, quick and effective.

  • http://www.shivleyphoto.com Jan Shivley

    Playing with a Grand-baby is another good one! If not in the same city, get pictures out and review all those blessings. Great article……..thanks!

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  • http://www.cliffstevenson.com Calgary Realtor

    It’s tough coming home and being a real bear…..and it has absolutely nothing to do with the family. Maybe stopping to buy something before heading home is something to try. Never really thought about that one.

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  • Indigo

    I usually curse and scream at the top of my lungs and hurl say to the person disgusting things.

    Of course I’m alone in the house, it helps a little. But I’m still mad as hell!

  • Indigo

    I like this advice and will take a shower and try to drain”literally” all the water with the bad energy “down the drain”. Thanks!

  • Nasia

    Lol that kinda did work umm I’m going to use this again

  • http://www.facebook.com/warrenrschmidt Warren Schmidt

    Right.

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