Happy Passover, to my Jewish publicist peeps… Headed to mom and dad’s shortly for the first Seder… I’m bringing Grape Juice for me (no drinking) and Gus’s Sour Pickles for mom and dad. Put them together, you’d think I was pregnant.

With any luck, I won’t gain my usual five pounds of undigested matzoh in my intestinal track this year. BECAUSE I’M ONLY HAVING THE SMALLEST BITE KNOWN TO MAN. If my ancestors had as little Matzoh back in the day as I’m having over the next eight days, they could have left Egypt in like, 12 minutes.

I leave you with the best quote about Passover I’ve ever heard:

"Yeah, Matzoh is like eating air."

Thanks to Gayle for this update – Turns out that fans of Coca Cola in major metropolitan cities can thank us Jews, since for a few weeks of each year, Coca Cola has to be made with CANE SUGAR, and not HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, to satisfy the whole "kosher for Passover" thing.

I drink Diet Pepsi, so it’s neither here nor there for me, but I’m just saying. See? We knew about the evils of HFCS light years ago. Chosen peeps, indeed.