PETER SHANKMAN

Saying Yes vs. Saying No…

Some thoughts on saying “Yes” vs. saying “No,” on my connecting flight from Panama City, Panama, to Santiago, Chile…

We spend a ridiculous amount of time in our lives saying “no.” We say no to that which we don’t understand, we say no to that which we believe will drag us down, or waste our time, or get us in trouble. It’s almost automatic. We say no to that which we’re not allowed to say yes, usually without questioning, and usually in a business setting. We say no, possibly because it has one less letter than “yes,” and thus saves us one more letter of time in our eternally busy lives.

But what if we said yes a little more?

I get it. “No” is easy. No allows us to get on with our day, secure in the knowledge that something, once presented to us, was analyzed and turned away. And hey, there are times when we should say no. The “can I pick your brain without paying you for your time” requests? Yeah, those are pretty much always a no. Not that I don’t want to help you, and if you’re just starting out, or have one question via email, I’ll always say yes. But I’ve learned to say no to those more often than not, because they negatively impact me. (As they do you, as well.) And that’s fine. There are times to say no. The problem is, I believe the majority of the times we’re saying no, we’re saying no for the wrong reasons.

Saying no because it’s easy is a cop-out, and shouldn’t be in your negative arsenal. Saying no because it’s easier than saying yes denies you the chance to see what could come of the work required by saying yes. It denies you the opportunities that exist by saying yes, and saying no because it’s easy denies you a world of potential benefits.

If I’d said no on October 31st of my Senior Year at Boston University when Lee Safati offered me a 3.5” floppy disk with something on it called “America Online,” I wouldn’t have wound up being the editor of the AOL Newsroom 18 months later. I wouldn’t be anywhere near where I am now.

Saying yes opens a world of doors and potential that saying no shuts down. Saying yes – Whether it be to a five minute coffee with someone just starting out, or to a request for a weight spot at the gym, opens up connections for you that would otherwise remain closed.

Your challenge this week: Say yes to three things where your first instinct is to say no. They don’t have to be brain-busters or time-killers, just three things to which you’d otherwise say no. Then see what happens, and post in the comments what it was, good or bad. I want to know.

  • http://www.facebook.com/malia.ott Malia Enright Ott

    Just what the doctor ordered this short week, thanks Peter! I’ll let you know how it works out.

  • http://twitter.com/bharniman brian harniman

    sounds like a plan. Will let you know how it goes.

  • Phoenix Mobile Marketing Chica

    I said “Yes” this morning to a question that hadn’t been asked, but was begging to be answered, before reading your post.
    There are no coincidences in my Universe.
    I will soon know how this turns out.
    2 “yeses” to go.

  • http://twitter.com/ellalaverne Ella

    Does saying “yes” to this post count as one? Thanks, Peter. Enjoyed how the last challenge (pay for coffee for a stranger) turned out. Safe travels.

  • Susan RoAne

    Thanks for countering the way too many books that advise us to say “no”. A trait of those who “create their own luck” which I discovered when writing that book: The “lucky” people often say “yes” when they want to say “no” and the results have been life changing.

  • Mellanie True Hills

    Peter, Some of us already say “yes” too much, and really need to start saying “no” more often (for our health and sanity).

  • Angela

    The timing of this is not coincidence! Yesterday evening I said yes to meeting a friend who wanted to introduce me to people who were just starting out. They needed some feedback and general advice. I was going to say no originally but something in me said “you never know”. I went and it turned out to be great! I made some really great contacts! I have two more “yeses” to go! Thanks for a great post!!

  • http://www.scottwiser.com/ Scott Wiser

    If I had said “No” I wouldn’t have taken a break from animation to write and iillustrate a picture book – which is currently an amazing experience! Thanks to StartDoingBusiness.com for having passion for my project and challenging me to pursue it!

  • John

    Thanks Peter! I’m going to say “Yes” to drugs. It’s been my instinct to say “No”, but not this week.

  • http://www.facebook.com/daniellej Danielle ‘Moran’ Bernhard

    I mostly always say yes, makes me feel much better. I recently read something that said say no so that your yes carries more value. I think my yes is still appreciated.

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  • Phoenix Mobile Marketing Chica

    I hit my 3 yesses!

  • CP

    You said yes to meeting my husband for coffee when he was in NYC. No pitches, no agenda, he just wanted to meet you. You didn’t have to say yes, but you did. That inspired me to be more open to experiences that might lead somewhere great.

  • Kirby Allain

    If I’d said ‘no’ to myself about going it alone with my online business, I would still be kicking myself. Thanks Peter!

  • Pingback: http://shankman.com/saying-yes-vs-saying-no/ « joshuaallencox

  • http://blog.pivotpointsearch.com/ Scott Thompson

    I love the idea of saying “yes” to something that is really new and could break some new ground for you, your thinking, your life.

    I love the idea of saying “no” when you have real business choices to make–meaning there are real costs to always saying “yes”!

  • vehicle2hire

    I find it difficult to say “No” sometimes…but by saying “Yes” to many times can made bad impact as well..as you will be involved every single time you said yes…if you say everytime “No” it will look rude as well..need to find right balance between them…

  • Xerlan

    Thank You Peter! I not only said YES to three scary things I am doing them and I got two of my friends to commit to start saying yes more often too!

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  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Haroon-Butt/691037593 Haroon Butt

    http://www.serialspoint.com & Watch Indian & Pakistani Dramas

  • Pingback: Learning to say No instead of Yes!

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