The Top 10 Things that need to die on Twitter

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Here’s the top ten things that need to die a quick and painless death on Twitter. With your help, we can kill them.

10) Please vote for my company X every day for the next 14 days to win Y! Thanks!

9) Anything that ends with the words “Please RT!”

8) #fb. Wanna post on Facebook? Do that. This right here? This is called Twitter. Different mediums, different message.

7) Anything passive aggressive. Got something to say to someone? Man (or woman) the hell up, and just say it to them. The world doesn’t need to know about your issues.

6) Checkins on Foursquare from any place other than a place that a) has an a-list celebrity b) has you backstage c) is on fire d) is in another dimension. And a tip: Starbucks doesn’t fall into any of the above-mentioned places.

5) “The _____ Daily is out.” I don’t need a recap of what you think is cool. I prefer a recap of what I think is cool, and I have it already: It’s called Flipboard.

4) Misspellings. “I only have 140 characters” isn’t an excuse. Bad writing is killing America. Don’t contribute to her death.

3) “Wow” with a link. Context. It’s a great thing. I can’t recommend it enough. Want people to click? Tell them why. If I see “Wow” with a link, I assume you got hacked, and stop following you.

2) Your Klout score. I love Klout, but really? Tweeting your score? Want to tweet your penis or breast size while you’re at it?

1) Anything between 12:30am and 4am if you’ve been drinking. There’s a reason smart people don’t bring devices when they know they’re consuming a lot of alcohol. That song lyric you just HAVE to tweet at 1am, along with your stupid-ass commentary, will come back to bite you at 10am the next morning, as you sit, hungover, full of shame. Just save yourself the danger, and don’t do it to begin with. Someone needs to come up with a Twitter lock, the same way Google has email goggles. Anyone smart want to get on that?

Did I miss any? Let me know below.

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