Today’s fun object lesson…
Today’s object lesson of the day, brought to you by the fact that after it happened, it made me giggle. And I swear it happened, I’m not being all Dale Carnegie on you. Was walking back from a lunch meeting, and came across a curb with a giant puddle. (corner of 11th and 48th.) Standing on one side of it was a very attractive young lady, who was obviously very distressed by said puddle. She was dressed to the nines, probably for an interview or meeting, and since the puddle ran virtually around the corner, there was no way for her to make it across, unless she walked half a block away.
Approaching from the other side of the street, I noticed her, and while everyone else just sort of walked past (like they do in NYC,) I held out my hand for her. She looked at me like I was a spotted owl. (Being nice in NYC?!) but then realized that I was offering her my hand so she could make it across the puddle. She made it across the puddle, and said “thank you.” I replied with “you’re welcome,” (I think I said “no worries,” but whatever…) and I kept walking. Two seconds later, she called out “hey,” and I turned around. She said (and I quote,) “Sorry if I looked at you weird. This is NYC. You don’t expect people you don’t know to do nice things for you. Thank you very much.” To which I responded with “the pleasure was mine,” and walked away. Had I had a hat, it would have been appropriate to tip it and say, “Ma’am.”
My point? We don’t expect people to do nice things for us just for the sake of being nice! They usually want something from us, and it’s rare that people lose that “ME ME ME” attitude. So, wanna be remembered and not simply recalled? Try doing something different. Pitch a reporter with a story that doesn’t involve your client, but would be a great story for them. Offer a source just because you can. Not only does it build your karma, but it really, really makes people remember you in a really good way.
Sounds obvious - But hardly anyone does it!
34 Responses to “Today’s fun object lesson…”
That was very Texan of you. I’m sure you nmade her day.
This is a very good point. People remember those that break paradigms. I think those who become successful and well known are always those who do things differently than everyone else.
And a tip of the hat to all the ladies and gentlemen out there who live like this.
Like allowing someone with only a few items to go ahead of my larger order at the register: saying “I’m sure you’d do the same for someone else next time” seems to be a call to action for them to look for ways to pay it forward. I’m sure your puddle-jumping damsel-in-de-dress had a killer meeting when she got where she was going — and probably held open a few doors on her way… your mom would be proud.
You’re so right! This is something I always try to do because of the following experience….A few years ago, I got a call at work that a friend was killed in a car accident. Devestated by the news, I had to collect my things (and myself) and get on the metro to go home. Being in DC, people tend to be a little nicer, but as a native, you never expect it. A girl sat down on the metro beside me and could see that I was very upset. As she got up to get off the train she slipped me a note that said, “I am sorry for whatever is making you sad today. There is always sunshine after the rain!” and she wrote it in eyeliner on a cab receipt. I still have that note, and have used that saying millions of times in sad situations. I never saw that girls face, but I will never forget her as long as I live. I do believe smiles are contagious!
I thought those things only happened in the Northwest… Good for you, Peter!
We learn by example and you were a shining example for all of us today. Go forth world and be nice to one another!
[…] relations guru Peter Shankman has a great story and piece of advice on his blog today. The advice is similar to some I give clients as well, which is to build […]
It is sad, Peter, that it so strange these days for people to do something nice for someone they don’t know…not for return, not in the hopes of some payment or something, but simply because it is nice, and thus is the right thing to do. We see it on street corners and in boardrooms, worldwide. Good for you for bucking the trend! And…per your comment about pitching someone aside from “MEMEMEME” - just did, and, as always, it feels good.
The Karmic wheel spins…
Two short “nice in NYC” stories. I was visiting NYC on business for a few weeks. I was leaving the studio where I was working and the skies just burst open with a downpour. Of course there were no empty cabs anywhere. I was walking toward my hotel with a newspaper over my head and a businessman in a nice navy blue suit tapped me on my shoulder and handed me is umbrella. Then just turned and jogged down the street.
The second one is better. It was -5 degrees and my colleague and I just left the Monkey Bar. Serious cab wars going on. I got my hand on a empty cab door handle and a couple literally pushed me back down the side of the cab and grabbed at the handle. The quick thinking cab driver hit the locks and the people started pounding on the cab window and swearing at the cab driver (meanwhile I was stunned, it’s not something you see in Chicago) The cab driver then backed up, unlocked the doors and I jumped in the cozy cab. Should have seen the
look on their faces. Imagine––a nice cab driver! Now that’s good karma.
Ha, Sara! I was thinking the same thing being from the Big D area. When I lived in D.C. for six years, I’d smile at strangers while roaming around D.C. People would look at me like I was crazy. Let me apologize to all those folks for my being nice. It won’t happen again… oh, I don’t live there anymore.
That just shows you, you need to get a hat!
Were you at Whistlin’ Dixies’s prior? That place will make ya friendly too … haha.
Darn it… said it before I finished saying it. Seriously, thanks for spreading kindness. Everyone needs it and you don’t have to be a Texan to do it!
Talk about good karma from what was a bad beginning: I backed up into a car in a bank parking lot a few years ago and left a note on the windshield with my name and number. The car’s owner, a teller at the bank, called and I arranged to pay her for the repairs based on an appraisal she provided. It was around $450. That would have been the end of the story except that a year later I get a phone message from her that she’s sending me a check for $450. Before she had a chance to do the repairs, the car was hit again in the same area, only much worse so she was refunding my money! Amazing!
Hey, Peter, why is Pierce Brosnan’s photo there??
….way to go .. be the change you wish to see in the world
Year ago when I still lived in NY I had a serious knee injury and had to ride the subways with a cane (I was in my 20s). Nearly always someone would get up and offer me their seat. NYers are plenty nice — they just don’t get all demonstrative about it.
Peter: I loved your story but it makes me sad that New Yorkers are such hardened beings. Here in Iowa, that type of human interaction would be unremarkable and par for the course. Maybe you are really an Iowan at heart!
My husband’s car was hit in a parking lot one day. He got the woman’s address. he got an estimate to fix it, and the woman agreed to pay. I went out to the car and asked what in the world was worth $600 repair - that tiny scratch? He looked at the car, and said oh my gosh, it’s gone. the dent on the bumper was gone. We had received her check in the mail that day. i called her and told her I was tearing up her check. I said there was no reason for us to keep her money. She told me that $600 was the money she was going to use to go to a conference - she was a lactation consultant. Since a lac consultant saved my life (nearly) with my first child and kept me from going crazy, I felt great about it. I slept very well that night with a smile on my face. Do something CRAZY nice for someone. Dont’ just go a step out of your way - go WAY out of your way for someone, friend or stranger. Makes you feel terrific.
Yes, that would be “normal” behavior in Texas (where I was raised). It is a shame this is posted as advice to act “different”. Sad fact the world has changed and most my views on life are viewed as “old school” :0
A true gentleman…way to go Peter! These random acts of kindness are like ripples in water…they spread out and touch so many.
You rock!
I’m from Canada where people are supposedly nice to each other all the time but I often find that kindness is a lost art. This was lovely, Peter. You’re a true gent! Imagine how she paid it forward through the day. A small pebble makes a lot of ripples when tossed into water.
so all i had to do was stand at a puddle??
And I thought it only happened here in Canada, lol.
You SO need a cape, Gallant Sir!
I could list dozens of nice things that have happened to me on the “mean streets” of NY, Phila, DC, etc. Most people are nice if you give them a chance. I smile at people constantly and do what I can to spread kindness in the world.
When I lived in DC, I had to walk through a pretty tough neighborhood on my way to work. I stuck a harmonica in my mouth and played as I walked. Changed the whole dynamic. I was able to let go of my fear, and big “scary” dudes would come up and start chatting.
I still remember the day that a random young man approached me in a tram station to tell me that he thought I looked marvelous in the outfit I was wearing. That was it… but with that, and a smile, he had made my day!
From that point on I’ve made a point of telling people I encounter, whether they are friends or strangers I pass in the street, that I think they look marvelous… when they do! It seems to make their day, and it certainly makes mine.
And you never know… she might know someone who knows someone. She recommends this nice man she met in the street, and the next thing you know you’re talking to a millionaire.
I had a similar experience with a med student I met who needed somewhere quiet during the day to study. I let her use the empty desk in my office. We had a chat about how to get books published.
This reminded her that her friend is also a writer. Turns out this friend used to be PA to a US senator - a man we would like to speak to. And her friend is family friends of a wealthy philanthropist.
Now I’m well-set to get introduced to people who can really progress my organisation’s work, just because I talked about someone other than myself (for once!), about things that aren’t directly related to what I am doing.
Peter - you DID remember to drop your business card in her handbag, right? (Just kidding. Well, kidding a bit.)
Bravo, Peter! I had a similar experience a few years ago when I was in NYC on business. I’m walking down the street when someone taps me on the shoulder. Being the skeptic that I am, I figured it was someone trying to distract me while his/her co-conspirator swiped my wallet. So I ignored it. But the person was persistent, so I turned around. And some guy hands me my bracelet that fell off my wrist. My jaw dropped. I would’ve been less surprised if I found someone hawking it on the next corner.
It’s unexpected acts like these that are the most memorable.
Great story, Peter, and a great reminder of how to live! My grandparents instilled in me the urgent need to help others. Although the “go big or go home” philosophy is best for business, sometimes the smallest act of graciousness is all that is needed to make someone’s day better. Thanks for giving us a fabulous how-to example.
I almost thought you were going to throw your coat down! Offering a hand was probably smarter - and a lot more sane looking!
V-
Great job, Peter! I think if everyone just did one random kind thing a day for someone else, it would go a long way toward building good will and ending depression. It feels awesome to be on both sides of the good deed. Recently, I was in a grocery store and the woman in front of me had three small children and not many food items in her cart, basic staples–milk, cheese, bread, eggs. At the register, when the total came up, she didn’t have enough money to cover everything and had to decide what to take out of her order. She picked the one luxury item, a box of brownie mix, and handed it back to the cashier, paid for her order and headed to the exit. I told the cashier to ring it up real quick with my groceries and then I ran after her saying, “Ma’am, you forgot your brownies.” She looked a little bewildered because she knew she didn’t pay for it, but I just smiled and handed it to one of the kids and said, “Enjoy your brownies.” It made me happy to think they would be munching on them with a cold glass of milk. =)
Annette you are too cool! I think it’s cool you’re the author of “The Breakup Diet” and a chocolate lover — no wonder you felt the need to be sure the kids had their “fix”!
Congrats on being a fun, successful woman!
V-
In Miami we have a lot of older and often fragile people on the street. I always make it a point to help them at a store or on a public transportation. It only takes a moment or two.
It cost nothing to smile or extend your helping hand or say a compliment. There should be a class in school that teaches the subject of being nice in small but meaningful ways.
I thought about it.. LOL.. I am going to try this. I am going to say a compliment to the first person that I meet every day on the street… It should be a fun practice!