Why I Secretly Hope My Daughter Isn’t One of the Popular Kids

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I was at the playground with my daughter J the other day for some fun on the swings, and next to us was a boy a little older than her. When they noticed each other, my 19-month-old daughter looked right at him with a smile and a “hi!” This scared the hell out of her new friend, who quickly retreated to the safety of the area behind his mother’s leg.

I realized right there that my daughter has definitely inherited my ability to just simply talk to anyone. I believe that my having that ability, honed through years and years of practice, is one of the key reasons for my success. Never being afraid to start the conversation, never being the wallflower, and most importantly, never being afraid of what anyone else might say about what I do, is the key driving force behind almost everything I’ve achieved.

As I pushed her higher and higher, (much higher than Mommy or Grandma would ever allow, because well, hell, I’m Daddy!) it occurred to me that I secretly hoped that she wasn’t the hugely popular kid when she starts school in a few years. I realized that I don’t want her to have all the friends, and on occasion, I WANT her to worry about having someone to do something with on a weekend.

I’m sure this goes against Parenting Law 105 or something, and I have no doubt that the second this post hits Facebook, I’ll be vilified the same way villagers would burn those they thought to be witches. But hear me out:

To understand my logic, you need to take a step back to the early 80s, when I was growing up. See, I was not a popular kid, by any stretch of the imagination. I had the occasional friend, usually a similar computer geek like me, and we’d spend hours toiling away on who could write the best programs in BASIC.

But popular? Not so much. I rarely got invited to the cool parties, I remember the one time I did get an invite to the one cool kid’s birthday party in Junior High, it became a five-star production to get to every clothing store in New York City so I had the absolutely best outfit possible. It was also the year of Miami Vice pastels, and I’m pretty sure I wound up looking like a Papaya.

But not being popular had a hugely positive flip-side, even though it didn’t seem like it at the time. The number of times I came home crying that “I have no friends, and I never will!” were too numerous to count, and of course, I would never wish that on my daughter. What sane parent would? We don’t want to see our kids fail, we want them to bask in the sunshine of success. But what I didn’t know, as I would walk home after another day of being made fun of, is that I was secretly learning how to rule the world, and those cries of “I have no friends” would turn into “you know everyone! It’s amazing!”

See, here’s the key: When you’re the most popular kid at the playground, you don’t have to work for it. All you have to do is show up, and people flock to you. That doesn’t bode well for the future, because you never learn how to get it. You just assume popularity will always be there, and it won’t.

But when you’re not the most popular kid? You have to work at it. Over, and over, and over. When you’re socially awkward? You need to learn from your mistakes. Over, and over and over.

So what do I wish for my daughter? Certainly not the pain I went through as a kid, but I also don’t wish her a childhood full of ease, either. Honestly? I want her to have to figure out how to get the friends she wants, I want her to figure out what she needs to do to be the kind of friend people want to be with, not simply flock to because she’s the flavor of the month.

I want my daughter to actively want to take an interest in her friends. Ask questions. Ask how she can help. I want her to truly care about them, and ask how she can be involved in their lives for the better.

That’s my wish for my daughter. Because that’s how she’ll gain the wisdom to know who she wants to be in the future.

Join the discussion 34 Comments

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  • Robert Durand says:

    Peter – exactly correct! Lots of research that the “cool” kids often flame out early in life. Some win the puberty lottery – looks, charm, bodies and a sense of what is cool – but it’s a finite window of advantage in a limited setting. Most of us have that awkward phase but we try to figure out who we are. And we aren’t sitting there at 25 recalling how cool we were at 16 – because we weren’t!
    Caveat 1 – from a happiness point of view, there is little difference between that queen bee who has 20-30 friends and the kid who has one, two or three. But they need at least one. That one friend might be a little weird or unpopular, but if they aren’t dangerous, they will be better for having that pal than staying “single” hoping to get in with a better group.
    Caveat 2 – the social stratification starts earlier, and with more cruelty, with girls – about 2nd grade vs. 6th for boys. The she’s my best friend, she’s my second best friend, you’re not our friend’ and ‘she’s pretty, she’s ugly, she’s fat’ games is ugly and sooner than you’d expect. Boys start stratifying more around middle school, jocks and nerds. It will break your heart the first time you hear of it; dad to dad, I’m telling you to be on the alert earlier than you might have planned.
    The most important thing – talk to her about these things. Friends, social dynamics, the Lord of the Flies nature of middle school – let her know you know what she’s up against, and you are on her side.

  • Robert Durand says:

    Peter – exactly correct! Lots of research that the “cool” kids often flame out early in life. Some win the puberty lottery – looks, charm, bodies and a sense of what is cool – but it’s a finite window of advantage in a limited setting. Most of us have that awkward phase but we try to figure out who we are. And we aren’t sitting there at 25 recalling how cool we were at 16 – because we weren’t!
    Caveat 1 – from a happiness point of view, there is little difference between that queen bee who has 20-30 friends and the kid who has one, two or three. But they need at least one. That one friend might be a little weird or unpopular, but if they aren’t dangerous, they will be better for having that pal than staying “single” hoping to get in with a better group.
    Caveat 2 – the social stratification starts earlier, and with more cruelty, with girls – about 2nd grade vs. 6th for boys. The she’s my best friend, she’s my second best friend, you’re not our friend’ and ‘she’s pretty, she’s ugly, she’s fat’ games is ugly and sooner than you’d expect. Boys start stratifying more around middle school, jocks and nerds. It will break your heart the first time you hear of it; dad to dad, I’m telling you to be on the alert earlier than you might have planned.
    The most important thing – talk to her about these things. Friends, social dynamics, the Lord of the Flies nature of middle school – let her know you know what she’s up against, and you are on her side.

  • Robert Durand says:

    Peter – exactly correct! Lots of research that the “cool” kids often flame out early in life. Some win the puberty lottery – looks, charm, bodies and a sense of what is cool – but it’s a finite window of advantage in a limited setting. Most of us have that awkward phase but we try to figure out who we are. And we aren’t sitting there at 25 recalling how cool we were at 16 – because we weren’t!
    Caveat 1 – from a happiness point of view, there is little difference between that queen bee who has 20-30 friends and the kid who has one, two or three. But they need at least one. That one friend might be a little weird or unpopular, but if they aren’t dangerous, they will be better for having that pal than staying “single” hoping to get in with a better group.
    Caveat 2 – the social stratification starts earlier, and with more cruelty, with girls – about 2nd grade vs. 6th for boys. The she’s my best friend, she’s my second best friend, you’re not our friend’ and ‘she’s pretty, she’s ugly, she’s fat’ games is ugly and sooner than you’d expect. Boys start stratifying more around middle school, jocks and nerds. It will break your heart the first time you hear of it; dad to dad, I’m telling you to be on the alert earlier than you might have planned.
    The most important thing – talk to her about these things. Friends, social dynamics, the Lord of the Flies nature of middle school – let her know you know what she’s up against, and you are on her side.

  • Robert Durand says:

    Peter – exactly correct! Lots of research that the “cool” kids often flame out early in life. Some win the puberty lottery – looks, charm, bodies and a sense of what is cool – but it’s a finite window of advantage in a limited setting. Most of us have that awkward phase but we try to figure out who we are. And we aren’t sitting there at 25 recalling how cool we were at 16 – because we weren’t!
    Caveat 1 – from a happiness point of view, there is little difference between that queen bee who has 20-30 friends and the kid who has one, two or three. But they need at least one. That one friend might be a little weird or unpopular, but if they aren’t dangerous, they will be better for having that pal than staying “single” hoping to get in with a better group.
    Caveat 2 – the social stratification starts earlier, and with more cruelty, with girls – about 2nd grade vs. 6th for boys. The she’s my best friend, she’s my second best friend, you’re not our friend’ and ‘she’s pretty, she’s ugly, she’s fat’ games is ugly and sooner than you’d expect. Boys start stratifying more around middle school, jocks and nerds. It will break your heart the first time you hear of it; dad to dad, I’m telling you to be on the alert earlier than you might have planned.
    The most important thing – talk to her about these things. Friends, social dynamics, the Lord of the Flies nature of middle school – let her know you know what she’s up against, and you are on her side.

  • Vickie Smith says:

    As a mom to 7 daughters and 3 sons…everyone one of my kids has struggled with finding good friends. Even the one who was student body president. Playing a sport helps or finding a positive activity that she enjoys and that she’ll have a mutual interest to share helps. Kids that don’t drink, party or go looking for trouble have to find friends who are like minded. Sometimes church helps if the kids are hypocrites or sneaking around seeing what they can get away with….

  • Vickie Smith says:

    As a mom to 7 daughters and 3 sons…everyone one of my kids has struggled with finding good friends. Even the one who was student body president. Playing a sport helps or finding a positive activity that she enjoys and that she’ll have a mutual interest to share helps. Kids that don’t drink, party or go looking for trouble have to find friends who are like minded. Sometimes church helps if the kids are hypocrites or sneaking around seeing what they can get away with….

  • Brad Waller says:

    Sounds fine to me. I was never popular, but I knew everybody. I was a nerd, hung out with the smart kids, but also the newspaper and yearbook photographer so I had cheerleaders asking me to take their picture. You met my daughter and I’m sure she will be fine as well. She will be the theater geek with a group of weird friends. Probably like you.

  • Brad Waller says:

    Sounds fine to me. I was never popular, but I knew everybody. I was a nerd, hung out with the smart kids, but also the newspaper and yearbook photographer so I had cheerleaders asking me to take their picture. You met my daughter and I’m sure she will be fine as well. She will be the theater geek with a group of weird friends. Probably like you.

  • Anne Franco Ruckenstein says:

    I can understand your feelings Peter, especially because of your experiences as a child, but not all popular kids are shallow or destined to “flame out” like one of the comments says. Seems like a bit of cool-kid bashing and stereotyping.
    Some of the popular kids are popular because they ARE genuinely nice kids who ARE interested in their friends and truly care.
    A lot of popular kids have insecurities just like all of the other kids. Being popular or not doesn’t guarantee anything in life. I think sometimes people talk about popular kids almost as if they are all mean or bullies.
    I’ve read articles where the authors practically celebrate the idea of popular kids having a hard time when they get older. Let’s not forget that they are still kids who are trying to find their way in the world.
    I think it is up to parents to teach their kids- regardless of their level of popularity- to be kind, compassionate and non-judgmental. And that goes for us adults also…

  • Anne Franco Ruckenstein says:

    I can understand your feelings Peter, especially because of your experiences as a child, but not all popular kids are shallow or destined to “flame out” like one of the comments says. Seems like a bit of cool-kid bashing and stereotyping.
    Some of the popular kids are popular because they ARE genuinely nice kids who ARE interested in their friends and truly care.
    A lot of popular kids have insecurities just like all of the other kids. Being popular or not doesn’t guarantee anything in life. I think sometimes people talk about popular kids almost as if they are all mean or bullies.
    I’ve read articles where the authors practically celebrate the idea of popular kids having a hard time when they get older. Let’s not forget that they are still kids who are trying to find their way in the world.
    I think it is up to parents to teach their kids- regardless of their level of popularity- to be kind, compassionate and non-judgmental. And that goes for us adults also…

  • Anne Franco Ruckenstein says:

    I can understand your feelings Peter, especially because of your experiences as a child, but not all popular kids are shallow or destined to “flame out” like one of the comments says. Seems like a bit of cool-kid bashing and stereotyping.
    Some of the popular kids are popular because they ARE genuinely nice kids who ARE interested in their friends and truly care.
    A lot of popular kids have insecurities just like all of the other kids. Being popular or not doesn’t guarantee anything in life. I think sometimes people talk about popular kids almost as if they are all mean or bullies.
    I’ve read articles where the authors practically celebrate the idea of popular kids having a hard time when they get older. Let’s not forget that they are still kids who are trying to find their way in the world.
    I think it is up to parents to teach their kids- regardless of their level of popularity- to be kind, compassionate and non-judgmental. And that goes for us adults also…

  • Beth Kovinsky Blacker says:

    I wish we didn’t have to put labels on each other…ever…especially in school. But it is a reality in life and, like you, I was and still am that person who is willing and able to talk to anyone or at least be the one to start the conversation. It still takes two so if the other person isn’t open for whatever reason…they are “too cool” or “too shy” or maybe just “too tired”…it’s all good in my book. I wasn’t “popular”, but I was fine with that and held my own through those formative years and, yes, like you, it has served me well as an adult. Your daughter is going to be who she is going to be. You definitely want to instill your core values in her, but trust me, as the parent to an almost 18 and 21 year old, you will still find yourself looking at your daughter at times and saying to yourself “Who is this child?” Good luck!!! 🙂

  • Beth Kovinsky Blacker says:

    I wish we didn’t have to put labels on each other…ever…especially in school. But it is a reality in life and, like you, I was and still am that person who is willing and able to talk to anyone or at least be the one to start the conversation. It still takes two so if the other person isn’t open for whatever reason…they are “too cool” or “too shy” or maybe just “too tired”…it’s all good in my book. I wasn’t “popular”, but I was fine with that and held my own through those formative years and, yes, like you, it has served me well as an adult. Your daughter is going to be who she is going to be. You definitely want to instill your core values in her, but trust me, as the parent to an almost 18 and 21 year old, you will still find yourself looking at your daughter at times and saying to yourself “Who is this child?” Good luck!!! 🙂

  • Beth Kovinsky Blacker says:

    I wish we didn’t have to put labels on each other…ever…especially in school. But it is a reality in life and, like you, I was and still am that person who is willing and able to talk to anyone or at least be the one to start the conversation. It still takes two so if the other person isn’t open for whatever reason…they are “too cool” or “too shy” or maybe just “too tired”…it’s all good in my book. I wasn’t “popular”, but I was fine with that and held my own through those formative years and, yes, like you, it has served me well as an adult. Your daughter is going to be who she is going to be. You definitely want to instill your core values in her, but trust me, as the parent to an almost 18 and 21 year old, you will still find yourself looking at your daughter at times and saying to yourself “Who is this child?” Good luck!!! 🙂

  • I have to disagree. While being accepted and celebrated by your peers without effort will surely lead to an ‘expectations bubble’ that will inevitably burst later in life, there is one important benefit of being at least relatively popular that you’re missing: self confidence. How many smart, talented adults have you met in life that are keeping themselves down due to an utter lack of self-confidence? That all starts early on. Here’s hoping she’s allowed at least a few weekends + parties.

  • I have to disagree. While being accepted and celebrated by your peers without effort will surely lead to an ‘expectations bubble’ that will inevitably burst later in life, there is one important benefit of being at least relatively popular that you’re missing: self confidence. How many smart, talented adults have you met in life that are keeping themselves down due to an utter lack of self-confidence? That all starts early on. Here’s hoping she’s allowed at least a few weekends + parties.

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  • Dan Nainan says:

    Peter, you totally nailed it here. The cool kids in high school have it too easy. Those of us that suffered end up better off in the long run, IMHO.

    At my high school reunions, the popular guys/bullies are all fat, gray, bald and old. The worst bully of all who tormented everybody including myself crashed his motorcycle into a parked car at a graduation party and was never the same – he shot himself to death two years later. At the reunions, the women still gush about how good-looking he was.

    I heard Steve Wozniak speak a couple of years ago, he said that when you’re not one of the popular kids and out partying all the time, you have a lot of time on your hands. So he had time to build circuits and so forth. Look what he did with that time!

    http://youtu.be/pJif4i9NRdI

  • Dan Nainan says:

    Peter, you totally nailed it here. The cool kids in high school have it too easy. Those of us that suffered end up better off in the long run, IMHO.

    At my high school reunions, the popular guys/bullies are all fat, gray, bald and old. The worst bully of all who tormented everybody including myself crashed his motorcycle into a parked car at a graduation party and was never the same – he shot himself to death two years later. At the reunions, the women still gush about how good-looking he was.

    I heard Steve Wozniak speak a couple of years ago, he said that when you’re not one of the popular kids and out partying all the time, you have a lot of time on your hands. So he had time to build circuits and so forth. Look what he did with that time!

    http://youtu.be/pJif4i9NRdI

  • The sweede says:

    This is my first time visiting your blog, seems interesting and I’m gonna take some time to read through posts. However..I think that you are doing some stereotyping here. I’m not from the US, but I can’t imagine Sweden being that different from the US when it comes to high school popularity. Now, I’m 4 years old and graduated from the university may 2014 and high school 4,5 years ago. Looking at my former high school, the ones that are the most successful now (early on in their/our professional lives) are those who were popular. First of all a lot of us popular students were in to sports and I think that has a large impact on ones confidence, ability to work in a group and not being afraid of competing with others. Second, my network that I gathered during my high school years still helps me out, my first internship was through a friend from high school and right now I’m doing a communication plan for a client of a digital agency where a friend works. Just having a large network has helped me a lot at work in the way of having competent people I can call if I need some expertise in a specific matter.

    The not so popular kids from high school are, in general, behind both academically and professionally. I do believe that many of the not so popular kids are kind of introvert and therefore have a problem with taking space in a social environment and doing things out of their comfort zone. A lot of who you are going to be in the future is formed during high school and at the university, and getting to know interesting people and learning to deal with social situations will always help you out.

    It might be different in the US than in Sweden, but I think your view of a popular kid as shallow and without stuggles is more of a Hollywood image than how it actually is in real life. I think that the most important thing you can do as a parent is supporting your children in their decisions, research shows that children with supportive but firm parents are most likely to succeed in life and be happy with themselves. Just don’t be the dad screaming from the stands at sporting events, or the one that lets your kid do whatever and you will be fine. And do stuff together, fishing, running, painting or whatever you both are interested in, having a good relationship with ones parents is also important. Sorry for the wall of text.

  • The sweede says:

    This is my first time visiting your blog, seems interesting and I’m gonna take some time to read through posts. However..I think that you are doing some stereotyping here. I’m not from the US, but I can’t imagine Sweden being that different from the US when it comes to high school popularity. Now, I’m 4 years old and graduated from the university may 2014 and high school 4,5 years ago. Looking at my former high school, the ones that are the most successful now (early on in their/our professional lives) are those who were popular. First of all a lot of us popular students were in to sports and I think that has a large impact on ones confidence, ability to work in a group and not being afraid of competing with others. Second, my network that I gathered during my high school years still helps me out, my first internship was through a friend from high school and right now I’m doing a communication plan for a client of a digital agency where a friend works. Just having a large network has helped me a lot at work in the way of having competent people I can call if I need some expertise in a specific matter.

    The not so popular kids from high school are, in general, behind both academically and professionally. I do believe that many of the not so popular kids are kind of introvert and therefore have a problem with taking space in a social environment and doing things out of their comfort zone. A lot of who you are going to be in the future is formed during high school and at the university, and getting to know interesting people and learning to deal with social situations will always help you out.

    It might be different in the US than in Sweden, but I think your view of a popular kid as shallow and without stuggles is more of a Hollywood image than how it actually is in real life. I think that the most important thing you can do as a parent is supporting your children in their decisions, research shows that children with supportive but firm parents are most likely to succeed in life and be happy with themselves. Just don’t be the dad screaming from the stands at sporting events, or the one that lets your kid do whatever and you will be fine. And do stuff together, fishing, running, painting or whatever you both are interested in, having a good relationship with ones parents is also important. Sorry for the wall of text.

  • Jaime Izaks says:

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  • Jaime Izaks says:

    This is a fantastic article. Terrific blog, I definitely want to share this with my wife– both on a professional, franchise public relations level (since we run an agency together), and a personal level.

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  • Sariah Marshall says:

    I think you have some facts wrong. In the 80s, it was probably different in terms of popularity and how it worked because that is not at all how it is today. I’m a 15 year old girl who goes to high school. I’m one of the ‘popular kids’. And let me tell you: I had to work to get there.

    When I was a freshman last year, it looked like chaos to me. It’s not as clique heavy as some TV shows portray it. For example, it’s not the jocks, band geeks and cool kids all sitting at different tables, but there are a few seperated groups. I realized this a week or so into high school. My main goal was to get in with the cool kids. I spent the first few weeks observing the cool kids. Who were they? How did they act? What did they look like? How much makeup were they wearing? Was there any patterns in anything they did?

    After the first few weeks, I slowly started blending in with them. I dressed slightly more like them every other day, while slightly changing my attitude every single day. This was super hard, as I wanted to just jump right into it, but I managed to keep my urges down. After about two weeks, my transformation was complete. Now I just had to infiltrate the cool kids and work from there.

    In science, I found a way to get the partner you want almost always after careful observation. The teacher’s patterns were so obvious: If you talked to someone before class, he would partner you up with someone else. This happened with Taylor, the popular kid, all the time. People would go up and talk to her before class, then he would chose someone else to be with her. There was one day when only two or three other people didn’t talk to her and one of them got chosen. I wrote all my observations and other stuff in a journal so I wouldn’t forget or miss anything, so I read through it before school the day we were getting paired up for a big project to confirm my suspicions, then talked to everyone except her. Our science teacher had his own way of marking who talked to who by putting a star next to, say, someone who talked to four other people that day on the attendance sheet. He then put stars by the other four. Then he would put triangles by the next kid’s name and all the people they talked to. I saw this when I went to the bathroom and pieced it together. Sure enough, I got paired up with Taylor. We were pretty good partners and had a lot of fun.

    After three days, she invited me to her table: the cool table. I gladly accepted and screamed in my head. I had so much fun that day with them. They all seemed to like me. This grew into more friends, which grew into even more friends. I was one of the cool kids! Everyone loved me, except the good handful of people who hate cool kids. I once put my hair in my own hair style where it was a side ponytail but loose on my shoulder. Then other people started doing that, too. I started a trend! I felt good, but a little unhappy. This is when I realized all the cool kids had a club they were in. Lindsay had volleyball, Makayla played flute and Samantha did shop, but what did I do? I did simple electives which required virtually no skill. So I chose a club I wanted to do and learned computer coding for video games! My successful attempts to join the cool kids actually helped me to find errors in game code and patterns in what the vast majority asks for in video games. My teacher tells me I have a bright future ahead of me because of my observation skills.

    Being a popular kid isn’t bad…most of the time. There are a few types of popular kids like the ones who party late and dronk and smoke or the ones who get bad grades and are pretty rude to lesser kids, but the nicer popular kids are generally at the top of the food chain. I learned some really good social skills being one of the popular kids. In fact, I learn more every day! The more friends you have, the more room for mistakes. The more mistakes you make, the more you learn. I’ve hurt a few people and lost a few friends, but I learn from that and do better the next time, which is usually soon because I have a lot of friends. Being one of the cool kids doesn’t eat up your time every day, either. I have near straight As (one B) and enough time to get better at coding video games. Occasionally something might take up time, like the occasional party or sleepover, but not usually, unless you’re the other type of cool kid.

  • Sariah Marshall says:

    I think you have some facts wrong. In the 80s, it was probably different in terms of popularity and how it worked because that is not at all how it is today. I’m a 15 year old girl who goes to high school. I’m one of the ‘popular kids’. And let me tell you: I had to work to get there.

    When I was a freshman last year, it looked like chaos to me. It’s not as clique heavy as some TV shows portray it. For example, it’s not the jocks, band geeks and cool kids all sitting at different tables, but there are a few seperated groups. I realized this a week or so into high school. My main goal was to get in with the cool kids. I spent the first few weeks observing the cool kids. Who were they? How did they act? What did they look like? How much makeup were they wearing? Was there any patterns in anything they did?

    After the first few weeks, I slowly started blending in with them. I dressed slightly more like them every other day, while slightly changing my attitude every single day. This was super hard, as I wanted to just jump right into it, but I managed to keep my urges down. After about two weeks, my transformation was complete. Now I just had to infiltrate the cool kids and work from there.

    In science, I found a way to get the partner you want almost always after careful observation. The teacher’s patterns were so obvious: If you talked to someone before class, he would partner you up with someone else. This happened with Taylor, the popular kid, all the time. People would go up and talk to her before class, then he would chose someone else to be with her. There was one day when only two or three other people didn’t talk to her and one of them got chosen. I wrote all my observations and other stuff in a journal so I wouldn’t forget or miss anything, so I read through it before school the day we were getting paired up for a big project to confirm my suspicions, then talked to everyone except her. Our science teacher had his own way of marking who talked to who by putting a star next to, say, someone who talked to four other people that day on the attendance sheet. He then put stars by the other four. Then he would put triangles by the next kid’s name and all the people they talked to. I saw this when I went to the bathroom and pieced it together. Sure enough, I got paired up with Taylor. We were pretty good partners and had a lot of fun.

    After three days, she invited me to her table: the cool table. I gladly accepted and screamed in my head. I had so much fun that day with them. They all seemed to like me. This grew into more friends, which grew into even more friends. I was one of the cool kids! Everyone loved me, except the good handful of people who hate cool kids. I once put my hair in my own hair style where it was a side ponytail but loose on my shoulder. Then other people started doing that, too. I started a trend! I felt good, but a little unhappy. This is when I realized all the cool kids had a club they were in. Lindsay had volleyball, Makayla played flute and Samantha did shop, but what did I do? I did simple electives which required virtually no skill. So I chose a club I wanted to do and learned computer coding for video games! My successful attempts to join the cool kids actually helped me to find errors in game code and patterns in what the vast majority asks for in video games. My teacher tells me I have a bright future ahead of me because of my observation skills.

    Being a popular kid isn’t bad…most of the time. There are a few types of popular kids like the ones who party late and dronk and smoke or the ones who get bad grades and are pretty rude to lesser kids, but the nicer popular kids are generally at the top of the food chain. I learned some really good social skills being one of the popular kids. In fact, I learn more every day! The more friends you have, the more room for mistakes. The more mistakes you make, the more you learn. I’ve hurt a few people and lost a few friends, but I learn from that and do better the next time, which is usually soon because I have a lot of friends. Being one of the cool kids doesn’t eat up your time every day, either. I have near straight As (one B) and enough time to get better at coding video games. Occasionally something might take up time, like the occasional party or sleepover, but not usually, unless you’re the other type of cool kid.

  • Sariah Marshall says:

    I think you have some facts wrong. In the 80s, it was probably different in terms of popularity and how it worked because that is not at all how it is today. I’m a 15 year old girl who goes to high school. I’m one of the ‘popular kids’. And let me tell you: I had to work to get there.

    When I was a freshman last year, it looked like chaos to me. It’s not as clique heavy as some TV shows portray it. For example, it’s not the jocks, band geeks and cool kids all sitting at different tables, but there are a few seperated groups. I realized this a week or so into high school. My main goal was to get in with the cool kids. I spent the first few weeks observing the cool kids. Who were they? How did they act? What did they look like? How much makeup were they wearing? Was there any patterns in anything they did?

    After the first few weeks, I slowly started blending in with them. I dressed slightly more like them every other day, while slightly changing my attitude every single day. This was super hard, as I wanted to just jump right into it, but I managed to keep my urges down. After about two weeks, my transformation was complete. Now I just had to infiltrate the cool kids and work from there.

    In science, I found a way to get the partner you want almost always after careful observation. The teacher’s patterns were so obvious: If you talked to someone before class, he would partner you up with someone else. This happened with Taylor, the popular kid, all the time. People would go up and talk to her before class, then he would chose someone else to be with her. There was one day when only two or three other people didn’t talk to her and one of them got chosen. I wrote all my observations and other stuff in a journal so I wouldn’t forget or miss anything, so I read through it before school the day we were getting paired up for a big project to confirm my suspicions, then talked to everyone except her. Our science teacher had his own way of marking who talked to who by putting a star next to, say, someone who talked to four other people that day on the attendance sheet. He then put stars by the other four. Then he would put triangles by the next kid’s name and all the people they talked to. I saw this when I went to the bathroom and pieced it together. Sure enough, I got paired up with Taylor. We were pretty good partners and had a lot of fun.

    After three days, she invited me to her table: the cool table. I gladly accepted and screamed in my head. I had so much fun that day with them. They all seemed to like me. This grew into more friends, which grew into even more friends. I was one of the cool kids! Everyone loved me, except the good handful of people who hate cool kids. I once put my hair in my own hair style where it was a side ponytail but loose on my shoulder. Then other people started doing that, too. I started a trend! I felt good, but a little unhappy. This is when I realized all the cool kids had a club they were in. Lindsay had volleyball, Makayla played flute and Samantha did shop, but what did I do? I did simple electives which required virtually no skill. So I chose a club I wanted to do and learned computer coding for video games! My successful attempts to join the cool kids actually helped me to find errors in game code and patterns in what the vast majority asks for in video games. My teacher tells me I have a bright future ahead of me because of my observation skills.

    Being a popular kid isn’t bad…most of the time. There are a few types of popular kids like the ones who party late and dronk and smoke or the ones who get bad grades and are pretty rude to lesser kids, but the nicer popular kids are generally at the top of the food chain. I learned some really good social skills being one of the popular kids. In fact, I learn more every day! The more friends you have, the more room for mistakes. The more mistakes you make, the more you learn. I’ve hurt a few people and lost a few friends, but I learn from that and do better the next time, which is usually soon because I have a lot of friends. Being one of the cool kids doesn’t eat up your time every day, either. I have near straight As (one B) and enough time to get better at coding video games. Occasionally something might take up time, like the occasional party or sleepover, but not usually, unless you’re the other type of cool kid.

  • Sariah Marshall says:

    I think you have some facts wrong. In the 80s, it was probably different in terms of popularity and how it worked because that is not at all how it is today. I’m a 15 year old girl who goes to high school. I’m one of the ‘popular kids’. And let me tell you: I had to work to get there.

    When I was a freshman last year, it looked like chaos to me. It’s not as clique heavy as some TV shows portray it. For example, it’s not the jocks, band geeks and cool kids all sitting at different tables, but there are a few seperated groups. I realized this a week or so into high school. My main goal was to get in with the cool kids. I spent the first few weeks observing the cool kids. Who were they? How did they act? What did they look like? How much makeup were they wearing? Was there any patterns in anything they did?

    After the first few weeks, I slowly started blending in with them. I dressed slightly more like them every other day, while slightly changing my attitude every single day. This was super hard, as I wanted to just jump right into it, but I managed to keep my urges down. After about two weeks, my transformation was complete. Now I just had to infiltrate the cool kids and work from there.

    In science, I found a way to get the partner you want almost always after careful observation. The teacher’s patterns were so obvious: If you talked to someone before class, he would partner you up with someone else. This happened with Taylor, the popular kid, all the time. People would go up and talk to her before class, then he would chose someone else to be with her. There was one day when only two or three other people didn’t talk to her and one of them got chosen. I wrote all my observations and other stuff in a journal so I wouldn’t forget or miss anything, so I read through it before school the day we were getting paired up for a big project to confirm my suspicions, then talked to everyone except her. Our science teacher had his own way of marking who talked to who by putting a star next to, say, someone who talked to four other people that day on the attendance sheet. He then put stars by the other four. Then he would put triangles by the next kid’s name and all the people they talked to. I saw this when I went to the bathroom and pieced it together. Sure enough, I got paired up with Taylor. We were pretty good partners and had a lot of fun.

    After three days, she invited me to her table: the cool table. I gladly accepted and screamed in my head. I had so much fun that day with them. They all seemed to like me. This grew into more friends, which grew into even more friends. I was one of the cool kids! Everyone loved me, except the good handful of people who hate cool kids. I once put my hair in my own hair style where it was a side ponytail but loose on my shoulder. Then other people started doing that, too. I started a trend! I felt good, but a little unhappy. This is when I realized all the cool kids had a club they were in. Lindsay had volleyball, Makayla played flute and Samantha did shop, but what did I do? I did simple electives which required virtually no skill. So I chose a club I wanted to do and learned computer coding for video games! My successful attempts to join the cool kids actually helped me to find errors in game code and patterns in what the vast majority asks for in video games. My teacher tells me I have a bright future ahead of me because of my observation skills.

    Being a popular kid isn’t bad…most of the time. There are a few types of popular kids like the ones who party late and dronk and smoke or the ones who get bad grades and are pretty rude to lesser kids, but the nicer popular kids are generally at the top of the food chain. I learned some really good social skills being one of the popular kids. In fact, I learn more every day! The more friends you have, the more room for mistakes. The more mistakes you make, the more you learn. I’ve hurt a few people and lost a few friends, but I learn from that and do better the next time, which is usually soon because I have a lot of friends. Being one of the cool kids doesn’t eat up your time every day, either. I have near straight As (one B) and enough time to get better at coding video games. Occasionally something might take up time, like the occasional party or sleepover, but not usually, unless you’re the other type of cool kid.

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