PETER SHANKMAN
| POSTED ON March 2nd, 2011 | 84 COMMENTS | + ADD YOUR COMMENT |
(Cross-posted at Shankman.com and A Year to Ten Percent.)
I’ve already gotten about 30 party invites, have had two hotels ask me if I need comped rooms, and been offered several dinners, rides, and the like for this year’s South by Southwest festival.
And I’ve had to turn them all down, because this year, I’m not going.
Say you’re not going to Southby (as the “cool kids” call it,) and you’re looked at like you just turned down a backrub from the next door neighbor on The Big Bang Theory. So I’m putting it out here, why I’m not attending the huge festival of South and West.
1) I’m busy. This is the simple reason. I’ve got two paid speaking gigs over the course the week, and none of them are in Austin. Money trumps parties every time.
2) The bigger reason though, is personal. When I went to SXSW in 2009, HARO was about a year old, and people were just starting to know me in this industry. I went to a few parties, had a fun time, and came home. Life went on.
2010 was totally different. HARO had blown up, and I was one of the guys throwing the parties. When NASA pilots show up at your party and Guy Kawasaki changes his flight to make sure he shows, you know you’ve got something. I was invited to almost every party the event had. It was an awesome feeling – and one I’d never before experienced. I was one of “those” people. It was kinda nice, while it happened.
But therein sat a problem. I’d never been in a situation like that before – one where people not only wanted to hang out with me, but actively invited me to their parties. So I went. And I took part of all the parties had to offer.
And for what it’s worth, all the parties had to offer a lot of alcohol. So I drank it.
I didn’t do anything monumentally stupid. I didn’t streak 3rd Street. I didn’t walk up to Mark Zuckerberg and try and get in his face. Quite frankly, with the exception of one stupid tweet, I was relatively tame.
But as anyone who understands the power that alcohol has over some people knows, there’s a short walk from relatively tame to Charlie Sheen.
As you all know, I’m working on my new healthy lifestyle this year. One of the things that’s helping me lose a lot of weight is being acutely aware of my drinking. I’m being really careful about what I drink, when I drink it, and how much of it I drink. Essentially, I rarely drink. I had a glass of wine this weekend in South Africa, because I was on a winery. I was aware of it, drank it, and moved on.
I’ve dropped close to 16 pounds in two months by being super careful, keeping to my workout schedule, watching what I eat, and yes, rarely drinking. The temptation to either not do or do to excess any of the above has been kept in check, primarily because to get through a 5am workout, you’re not going out and partying the night before.
But honestly, I don’t know if I’ve built the willpower yet to do that in Austin during SXSW. Rather than tempt fate and find out, I’m simply not going.
That begs the question all of you are asking. Peter, are you an alcoholic?
Honestly, I don’t think I am. I’ve discussed this at length with my therapist. I’ve taken the quiz. Fact is, I can go weeks/months without drinking, and I don’t miss it. I’ve done it before, many times, usually for training for various marathons or triathlons. I don’t wake up and crave a drink.
The problem for me, as best as I can figure it, is this: When alcohol is there, free and plentifully available, I tend to drink it at a higher rate of speed than my friends. And when one car is going 100mph, and another is going 60mph, the first car is going to run out of road before the second one does, and that can cause problems.
I don’t drink it fast because I’m trying to get drunk. That’s the funny part. I think it might tie into my personality – I do everything fast. Ever watch me speak? I speak fast. I eat fast. I drink water fast. Ironically, the only thing I don’t do fast is run. Karmic humor, huh? But yes – That means I drink alcohol fast, too. It’s easy to check yourself when you’re at a dinner with friends and the only way to get a drink is to call the waitress over. But at South by Southwest, where the alcohol flows as fast as the new brilliant ideas? It’s very simple to blow past the line long before you realize you’re even coming up on it.
I do know that my personality tends to lean towards the addictive. It’s why I rarely stay in Vegas on business longer than two nights. When you’re aware of your personality, it’s a lot easier to prevent a catastrophe long before that catastrophe comes to fruition.
So I’m not going to South by Southwest this year. I’ll travel to my paid speaking gigs, and come back home to join Ken in the gym at 5am the next morning, and take my long runs and swims from Lee at the YMCA. I have no doubt I’ll follow all the cool news coming out of the conference via Twitter and my friends. But this year, I think I’m just gonna sit it out. Maybe next year I’ll be up for it again.
If you’re going this year, have fun and be safe. And either way, thanks for reading.
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Wow, love your frank honesty. Good luck with your speaking gigs. I’m pretty sure SXSW will miss you. As for me, I’m not going but would love to. Committing to getting there next year – and your words shall ring in my ears. |
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Peter, While your presence will be very missed at SXSW, I’m glad that you’re so focused on staying healthy and applaud you for being so committed to your goals. Next time I see you, I owe you a coconut water. (Wait—Is that on the menu?) Best, Brandon |
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I think it’s great that you can be so honest and know exactly why you are not going. That’s great. And I do know some with that same addictive personality that do everything in access, or fast. I’m not one of those. I’m the one that will have the same drink in my hand for the whole 4 hour party. :) I was supposed to go to SXSW, but my plans with my sponsor (AMD) fell through. I’m pretty bummed. I was really looking forward to it. After handling CES, I think I could handle it. :) But now, I am kind of glad that I will have that extra time around home to catch up on some much needed things. Good luck at your speaking gigs! |
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I respect and admire your honesty. I am speaking at sxsw this year (once I get a plane ticket, lol) but I totally appreciate your candor and discipline. I am running my first race the NYC half the weekend following SXSW, so I will have to be diligent to seek out places to jog and hopefully a friend to run with and to stay aways form all of the free food (my vice) as once I get heavier I slow down. I am still trying to build a name in the industry so I feel I must return this year. However I am going to be doing pop up activities. I decided I am going to carry a double dutch and jump rope for impromptu competitions. I am going o break out with a mini yoga class in the convention center and try to do a group 5k, just to keep focus. I’ll miss you this year but you are doing the right thing. Proud of ya! |
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Wow, Peter, very honest, very straightforward, very impressed. Thank you for lowering your guard and sharing in a way few ever elect to do. And ultimately, it sounds like you’re making the right decision. Good for you! |
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I love authenticity. Good for you for doing what is best for you, instead of getting caught up in the festivities. Frankly SXSW sounds like Spring Break for adults, based on what I’ve heard from you and others. |
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Thank you for this post. I find I have a similar situation to alcohol, and have alcoholics/addicts in my family. I appreciate hearing from someone else who is not an alcoholic, but wonders from time to time. I too will drink more than friends when it is free and flowing, but not when I have to pour my own at the table or call the waitress over. Thank you, I feel less confused about this. |
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Thanks for posting this personal perspective, Peter. As always, you are an inspiration to all of us following along with your journey and working on crafting our own. Way to keep your eye on the prize! |
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Congratulations. You’re a grown-up. It’s decisions like this that separate the adults from the “cool kids.” Continued success in your new lifestyle! |
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I am also not going to SX this year, but not because of your reasons :) It’s become so little about actual knowledge, and more about self-promotion that I left Austin last year and felt dirty. Totally fine with that kind of ego-stroking nonsense, but not to the point that I find it acceptable to charge my employer with the exorbitant cost of four days in Austin. I’ll continue going to the other couple of conferences a year that are more centered to my field and are actually about meaningful learning and networking. Getting slammed in the face with your latest startup that does 90% what 49 other products already do, is not my idea of a good time when it costs $2,000. I have great friends in this industry, and I will miss seeing them. But if I go to Austin to party, it needs to be on my own dime. As far as the drinking, I think you and I are very similar. It’s something I often think about with having an alcoholic as a mother. I don’t think i am an alcoholic at all – but I am definitely a binge drinker. The older I get, the massive hangovers are harder to deal with and much less appealing. Being healthy is #winning! |
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Thank you for this post. I’m going through the exact same thing right now. I feel like I’m avoiding any industry/work thing — and in some cases going out to dinner with friends — because of the alcohol situation. I’m training for my first half ironman, and not drinking is a big part of that training. Working out twice a day, working, and making time for family and friends packs a big punch to one’s free time. So thank you for sharing. For what it’s worth, I fully support you in this. And I’m looking forward to hearing how your races go! |
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If being addictive is in your nature, it’s great to focus that on something positive like your health. Breaking routines always seems to get us all into trouble. Southby will be there next year, the year after and the year after that. Bottom line, there will always be more parties and festivals, so focus on what is most important for now and maybe won’t be around for years. But I don’t know why I’m saying this–it already looks like you’ve got your priorities in order! Great post! |
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“Ironically, the only thing I don’t do fast is run.” I see we have something in common. Great post and makes sense – We’ll miss you nevertheless! |
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Thanks for the post, Peter. A good, honest reality check for us all. Will miss you this year, but maybe we’ll connect somewhere else along the way. |
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Peter, As always, you are an inspiration. Well done and best of luck to you in all of your goals! |
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You’re a binge drinker, like me. That’s the reason I’ve never gone to SXSW, nor will I probably ever. I’m sure it’s a great time, it’s just not for me. Good luck on getting skinny. |
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Peter–as a non-drinker (because I learned very early in my career that what little control I have over my very opinionated mouth is pretty well nonexistent when alcohol is added) I can also say that social events where everyone else drinks are far less amusing when you are the nondrinker. I am not a very social person anyway, but I tend to leave those parties I go to about the time other attendees hit their second drink. I will be interested to find out how much you enjoy those events next year when you have gotten over the hurdle on the alcohol. Fortunately for me alcohol is not necessary to have a good time; unfortunately, there is no way I can excuse any stupid tweets, emails, etc. It is just me…don’t think I have anything outrageous out there. Enjoy your extra time this year. |
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I would like to call your attention to line 49. I’m sure you forgot to add, for potential love interests, that your ADHD goes into remission when you make love. |
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Another prime example of why people love you, Peter! I’ve always believed in being genuine, and your frankness is so refreshing in today’s spin-is-reality world. Keep up the good work! |
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Good for you for knowing yourself well enough to act in your best interest! Good luck with your speaking gigs and continued training!! |
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Really cool, Peter. What I like best is that you don’t rule it out for the future. It’s not the right decision FOR THIS YEAR, but that doesn’t mean there needs to be a hard and fast rule about not going at all. Sounds like a good decision to me! |
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I just love your post Peter. Now I’d like to know you and have “fun” sans the imbibing stuff! I haven’t had a drop of alcohol since 1990 (nor any other recreational fun stuff), I’ve been eating cleanly for 8 years next week and I run 4 times a week,, work out, scuba dive etc. I don’t even smoke or drink caffeine. If I had looked at someone like myself in my wild “youth” I would have thought they were boooring! It was my privilege to attend one of Stevie Ray Vaughn’s last shows at an ACL taping. What I was struck with was how happy he was and his music was incredible. Seeing what he was able to create in his sobriety was amazing after having witnessed him through the years in various stages of unconsciousness! Can’t wait to see where you evolve! |
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I love your transparency and determination to take care of yourself and your business. |
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Hi Peter, Great for you! You are a true inspiration – for others! Keep doing what you’re doing – change is good for us all. You are one of the coolest people I know…Lana |
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I was surprised not to see a rant on the politics of SXSW or a subliminal grudge with a high profile attendee as usual with a topic such as this. That being said, I think this a great post. I felt like I could have written a similar post if I was in your position carrer-wise. Like you, I have a habit of doing whatever I’m doing quickly. I eat fast, I drink fast —regardless of it’s water, wine, or whiskey— and I talk fast. I don’t crave a drink, but when it’s there for the taking I’ll take it at a more accelerated pace than some others. I haven’t had any reality TV worthy drunken incidents, but I’ve had some of the same questions as you. With a combination of money making speaking engagements and your already successful healthy living style, it sounds like you made the right decision. 5 A.M gym runs are something I’ve only read about, but if they really do exist you’re a strong man. Healthy tip: Kale, sweet potatoes, onions, and garlic stir fried with brown rice is amazingly delicious and good for you. |
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Congratulations on your decisions, Peter! All the best in your endeavors and continued success. Thanks for sharing. You inspire! |
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Bravo for taking a stance for yourself. I’m sure you are allowing many others to do the same with your honesty. As a Muslim, drinking alcohol is forbidden, but I wasn’t always a Muslim. I know enough about myself to know that I should stay away from alcohol and places where people drink a lot. I’ve said many times that I wanted to go to SXSW for my business, but from what I’ve seen on Twitter, blogs, and the like, it seems like “Spring Break” for geeks. |
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Good on ya. I’m not going either. But then, I wouldn’t anyway. I’m ok with not being very important. And as far as knowing whether you’re a drunk or not – you know. Only you. |
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Here is an idea ! You can just stop all drinking. Much less to think about, plan and guage. I know…. been there. |
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Drinking just brings to worst out in people. I have seen career after career dive bomb due to alcohol and the further you stay away the better. I have never drank…never will and I’m the perpetual designated driver at business functions. Its fun to watch others get hammered and wince when “that moment” happens and someone says something inappropriate to friends, co-workers and customers while under the influence. Not good. GREAT CALL Peter!!! |
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What I love about this post is that you challenge us to re-think what a networking event has to have to be “fun” or “successful”. If we eliminated the booze, what could replace it to help people relax, break the ice, yet still encourage idea sharing? |
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This will be my first “Southby” only because I got a seat on the SF Startup Bus (http://startupbus.com/pages/about). I’m thrilled. I’ve RSVPed for way too many parties. I certainly relate to the temptations to over-indulge. The excitement is already palpable with all the discussions over @ Convore about what we’re going to build and how we’re going to kick the ass of every other Startup Bus. To be in the company of so many brilliant people with a deadline to present upon arrival in Austin is pure adrenalin. BTW, if you’d like to help subsidize this great national hacking competition…on a bus — Kickstarter http://kck.st/hUtOAT |
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I’m with you on the drinking. I don’t crave alcohol and I’ll go months without it. But when I’m at a conference/convention and alcohol is never farther away than arm’s length, I turn into a 38 year old frat boy. This “feature” is force magnified by my refreshing wit and sense of humor and – of course – convention “friends” always want to invite the happy drunks to their parties. So I’ve all but sworn them off. |
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I’m going but I’m taking two groups of people skydiving on two separate days. That’s my way of avoiding all the partying, because I’m not in a position, financially or physically, to be getting absolutely schwasted every night. Hard for me to network and rock out my new “I’m working on my own” lifestyle if I’m blacked out and hungover until 2:00 in the afternoon. That and the whole part about me driving this year because I’m staying with friends north of the city before I finish up the move back to Chicago… I’m not trying to get a DUI either. Good for you for doing what works for you – I know I’d be in the same boat if I wasn’t already speaking here and coordinating life-changing experiences that have nothing to do with cell phones, tablets, location based marketing or new apps. ;) |
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When associates ask me why I don’t drink (for 24 yrs), I tell them I believe we are born with a quota and I’ve already used mine up…. that kinda makes them smile and realize I am not judgmental – just making a personal choice. I learned it’s not when or the quantity but how we drink when we drink. |
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This is why coffee remains my beverage of choice. Me+drunk=problem. So, I stay with water and coffee. |
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Peter, |
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Good for you to focus on your health! I went to SXSW in 2009 because it happened to be the same weekend as the wedding of my close friends and I was able to get a press pass. Although I didn’t end up attending much of the conference because of wedding festivities, what I did attend was relatively disappointing. I was thinking of going again this year, but decided not to. I don’t think I’ll go again. |
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Good move! I am already anxious about it because, as we all know, we stay out way too late and then we miss early panels (i’m talking the one’s that start at 11:30am even) AND NOT TO MENTION the Southby SARS we all catch! Frankly, Peter, I’d rather meet up with you for Mexican in NYC! Be well! |
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This post’s honesty really spoke to me! Not many people are willing to admit things like that to themselves then also share it. I believe our society in general accepts drinking as not only a normal but something you should do. It is a shame that when I turn down a drink at a social gathering I feel that I have to justify it, “I have a race this weekend” is my favorite ;-) |
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Funny how no one seems to care about #1 like #1. About three years ago, I started paying attention to eating and physical fitness habits, ultimately losing 50 lbs and changing my life in many many ways for the better. Looking forward to many years of you staying on top! Thanks for opening up, and keep up the good work, Peter! |
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Congrats on your continued success Peter. BTW – Your session last year was a highlight of my 2010 SXSW experience and I find myself revisiting my notes & photos of your slides every few months to remind myself of it. Thanks! |
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Ironically, the only thing I don’t do fast is run.= I totally agree with drinking and weight though. I love fattening drinks (White Russians etc.) and it makes a big difference since I quit them (5 years ago.) Anyway, good for you. |
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i do not attend birthday work-parties for the same reason, insert cake for alcohol. And I am addicted. You have to consider what is more important to you. Most people don’t get my discipline but they also don’t see my medical record! You are da man, man. |
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Good post and I know that feeling. I’ve found that I often am tempted to gulp more wine when I need water. It’s like my primitive brain can’t differentiate between liquids. Download a couple of pints of water and the wine consumption slows right down – you’re just thirsty. |
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Peter – Honesty within yourself is the most important thing. I have to say you’ll be missed…your dinner last year was one of the highlights of my SXSW because of the opportunity to really sit with people and get to know them and have real conversations lasting more than a few minutes. I hope we can see each other again soon (NYC, NOLA, etc) because I truly enjoy your company. Drinks or no drinks. |
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LOL Awesome and honest and no your not an alcoholic.. you have too much discipline. working out at 530AM …. YOU GO Peter… |
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I applaud you, Peter … for knowing your limits, knowing your weaknesses (and strengths!), and knowing that sometimes you just have to take a new path. I had a similar awakening years ago when I discovered yoga. It changed my life. I realized I didn’t need to alcohol to have a good time (and I honestly couldn’t handle the hangovers anymore) … and that I’d prefer to live a healthy lifestyle and put really GOOD things in my body. I had to opt out of parties and events because I knew I would be too tempted to go back to my old ways. Eventually, you forget what the “other side” looks like … and can totally hang in those venues without temptation. Just find a fun non-alcoholic drink that can be your go-to when you are at big events. I like seltzer with a lime. People don’t even know it’s not alcohol – but I do! High five to you! |
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My husband is the same way even more than myself. I never drink, except maybe a glass of wine with dinner. However, he asked me to pick up something the other day and so I did. Then I noticed some things that sounded fantastic and very interesting so I bought those too. Now that it’s at home I want it and he’ll binge. Not even sure why. When it’s free and “everyone else is doing it”, it’s even worse. I too am trying to lose weight so after making that drink tonight, I had to stop and think “Hey, what are you doing!” Stop! Good job for not only standing up for yourself but for being true to yourself and your goals. Good luck at your conferences and work out for me. My foot’s broken. :) |
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Nice one indeed. |
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Enjoyed reading this post Peter. Great job for recognizing the situations to avoid to help you stay on your healthy track. That’s some focused discipline! |
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Peter – Next year, feel free to send this music lover & DJ that has yet to make it to Austin or SXSW on your behalf. I promise to drink less alcohol and also report back with some great new music. Frank |
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Peter, This will give you more time to review my book, then, right? Guy |
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Great post. Someone I follow RT’d this…I was wondering if there was some “hot gossip” or something…never been, but know some folks who go. |
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Good for you Peter. Great to hear about your health kick and it’s great food for thought. I was glad to meet you at Southby last year and understand what you are saying about priorities. |
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Peter – I applaud your determination. This will be my first SXSW and I’ve heard all about the need for constant energy and stamina for many long days and late nights. For that very reason I was thinking the other day that I should stick to Diet Coke to ensure I don’t burn out. Your words will help this newbie be prepared. Thanks for your public honesty, |
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Great post, lots of honesty and you are showing a lot of self-awareness–which, in the end, is the key to so much success. I am known as the one-glass-of-wine drinker. That’s it, that’s my quota. And I can make it last a looong time. Rare occasions see me drink two (must be a big celebration)==Because I refuse to wake up with a headache, because I know I would rather workout the next day than have more wine tonight, because I don’t want to do anything stupid. thanks for the honesty. |
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Peter: Good for you on taking your care of yourself. You have to do that first. To thine own self be true, as the bard said. Wishing you well. -Geoff |
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When it’s a choice between something that makes money and something that “costs” money, making money will win. I had SXSW on my calendar but between my schedule is just overloaded. Hope to make it next year. |
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hey, Don’t mind this you will surely get this chance again and really it sounds good that you are too dedicated to your goals. |
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that’s great Peter, you are true inspiration to many out there.. and after this.. it will only rise.. best of luck for your goal of adulthood. :) |
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It’s nice to know that transparency still exists. Thank you for sharing. |
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Wow, amazed by your sincerity! it takes a lot of character and confidence to be this open. I commend you for writing this and making us aware “it’s ok” to say no! You deserve so much respect for this post alone! Peter you rock! |
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Well thought out. At least you are examing your life and lifestyle choices. |
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It takes a strong person to know their limitations and act accordingly. You just got to a whole new level of admiration by me. You’ve done the party and your business won’t suffer by missing out this year. It actually makes me a little less regretful that I’m not going. |
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Well written and yes, brutally honest. And courageous to be honest. It also made me laugh….and laugh. The doing everything fast part – let’s just say I can relate but it has less to do with food/drink and more to do with 5 keyboards, 3 mobile devices and 3 PC screens :-) Sorry to miss you in Austin. |
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Peter, You know that I love you. You also know that next to me, you have the largest ego in the world. Why do I say those two things? Because, like me, you are absolutely convinced you can control everything. When I got sober almost 5 years ago now, I did it on my own, I knew that I had the ability to do (or not do) what I wanted to, when I wanted to. Except drugs. Those fuckers kept jumping up my nose and down my throat. If you are skipping SXSW because you are afraid you are going to over indulge, you have a problem. Maybe not a big problem, but a problem nonetheless. Is that bad? Not really. You do amazing things and live your life at 100miles an hour. Do you want to stop drinking? Maybe; maybe not. But, it has to be your choice. It has to be something that you want to do. Parties, especially private ones, scare the shit out of me. I have no clue if someone were to offer me drugs if I could say no. I am convinced that I have the ego and willpower to NOT do something, but that I have also never worked on my problem with addiction (see how much I eat? Thats just another manifestation of my addiction. See how much you work out? yeah, same thing). (BTW, this might piss a few folk off: but the people telling you “good for you” are idiots. They have no idea.) By not going to SXSW specifically because of a fear that you might drink too much is an indication that you are avoiding an issue rather than correcting it. BTW, not drinking doesnt make you less of a Peter Shankman. (I certainly am not less of a Micah Baldwin) I am going to SXSW this year (only because I am speaking) – went last year for interactive and music. Skipped the parties. Couldnt deal with them. This year, only going to VIP/invite only gigs. At least the craziness will be less. When I got sober I decided to always live by two rules: 1) I will answer any question asked of me; and 2) I will do the right thing. My belief is that we all know what the right thing is, we just dont always chose to do it. You know what is right for you. The hard part is doing it. |
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Good for you, Peter. One of the things I like about your tweets and posts is that they’re so honest….and usually pretty darn funny. This one is just honest. You deserve all the good things you’ve worked so hard for. Keep it up. God knows how you do it but keep doin it. |
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Thanks for the honest post. I’ve always wanted to go to sxsw, but never thought of how huge it actually is! Thanks! |
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Good for you man. Keep up the great work in your quest to be in tip-top shape. We’ll grab something healthy next time you’re in Atlanta. |
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Interesting post – wouldn’t it be great if all those invitations for comp’ed rooms, dinners, rides, etc could be extended to those young up-and-coming new ones that have never had the chance to go to SXSW? Too bad those that don’t need the help (you who are famous!), are always the ones who get offered the free stuff? |
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Thanks for this. It has become obvious to me that the same things that made us “the cool kids” once, now make us “pathetic losers” as adults. I find that unlimitied access to booze removes whatever little social filter I have – this is bad. Good for you for admitting what most will not. |
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