Why Peter Shankman Loves His Haters (And why you should love yours, too!)

PETER SHANKMAN

POSTED ON July 24th, 2012

46 COMMENTS

Lately, there’s been an attack on HARO by one specific person trying to hawk a book. I’m not going into it here, you can find it online (and as it turns out, his attack has brought thousands of new subscribers to HARO, so hey, thanks, hater!) and more importantly, I’m not going to waste blog space on him anymore. He’ll be gone soon enough, fading into the ether like the thousands full of sound and fury but signifying nothing before him.

Instead, I want to chat for a moment about the concept of a hater. This might blow your mind, but you know what? HATERS ARE GOOD THINGS. I know you’re all like, “huh? This guy is mocking me or insulting me or flat out lying about me, how can that be good?”

Simple: If you have haters, you’re shaking stuff up. If you don’t have haters, you’re not doing enough to change the status quo, and you’re not living up to your potential. Without haters every once in a while, you’re just coasting. And you can never, ever afford to coast.

I love my haters for several reasons, and you should too. Here’s why:

1) Haters tend to shout a lot. They tend to shout primarily to hear themselves shout – in some cases, under the misguided notion that if they shout loud enough, they can stop you from doing what you’re doing. But the fact is, they can’t. Their shouting accomplishes one thing and one thing only: It makes lots of other people aware of you, and of why you’re great. Face it: Haters intrigue people. And if people are intrigued, they’ll come see what the person is shouting about. They’ll head to your site, they’ll read your content, they’ll visit your store, they’ll listen to you for a bit. If you can prove the hater wrong, which you can by just continuing to be awesome, you’ve actually let that hater get you new customers, clients, audience members, whatever. What did it cost you? A fool shouting at the wind from the top of a hill. No skin off your nose whatsoever.

2) Haters are afraid of change. Think of all the famous haters in the world. Those who hate against people of another race. Those who hate against gay marriage. Those who hate against those of a different religion, or yes, even those who hate against you or your business: They all have one thing in common: Change scares them. Change makes them uncomfortable, because they’ve never learned how to deal with change. Change frightens haters, because they don’t know what to do when their world is shifted; when their cheese is moved, as it were. If you have haters, that means your changing things.The more haters you have, the more you’re changing things, and probably in the right direction. To quote one of my favorite Apple ads, “the people who think they’re crazy enough to change the world, are the ones who do.” Got haters? You’re changing the world. Keep going, and don’t look back.

3) Haters are jealous. I know this sounds like a cop-out, like the excuse your mom used to tell you when you’d come home crying that the other kids don’t like you – But it’s true. Take HARO – Any negative comment I’ve ever seen on a blog about HARO usually involves one of three things: a) how come he gets to do what he wants and I don’t, b) he’s just doing this to make money (i.e., why can’t I do this to make money?) or c) He’s full of crap, he doesn’t know anything, he’s stupid. The problem with these comments is that if you really look at them, they sound like nothing more than petty jealousy.

4) You can learn a TON from the few haters who AREN’T petty and jealous. If you actually stop and listen to a hater with a valid complaint, you can do two things: d) You can adjust your business accordingly to fix a valid gripe a hater might have, and e) you can turn a hater into a lover. That’s the best possible outcome – If you have a hater who has a valid complaint, (not one who’s just trying to sell a book, or promote his agenda at the expense of yours,) you can work with them, fix their problem, and turn them into what’s called a “Raving Fan.” You can make a hater your greatest ambassador – You can make them love you, and want to do your PR for you! This is the best of all possible worlds. I see smart companies doing it all the time, and more importantly, I see people who used to be haters, going out of their way to defend the company of which they once called for the death! While this only works for haters with a legitimate beef, and not the posers, when you “turn” that hater, it’s the greatest feeling in the world.

5) Haters keep you on your toes! Haters are awesome in the respect that they don’t let you slow down. Ask any NBA player – He’ll tell you that the reason he works out so hard is because someone else, on another team, is working out just as hard. There’s a quote that I love: “Right now, someone is training while you are not. When you race him, he will win.” Your goal is to keep on your toes – Stay sharp – Stay alert and focused, and never believe your own hype. Stay humble. Never let them see you coming. Haters help you do that.

Never forget what's important.

6) Finally, and this is the most important thing: Haters help you realize what’s really important in your life. So, my mom is a typical Jewish mother, right? She’s protective of her son. When I first started getting noticed, long before HARO, she’d want to go to town on every pipsqueak who ever said anything bad about me. (Search for me on Gawker. I have quite a file.) But now? The most recent hater who popped up had my mom going “Would you look at this little shit?” She’s gotten used to it. And more importantly, she knows this, and this is what you need to remember: To quote Wesley Snipes and Ice-T in New Jack City (and I love that I can do that…) “This shit ain’t ever personal. It’s always business.” And it is. The haters don’t know you. They don’t know your family. They don’t know you’re awesome, and have a kick ass cat, or dog, or chinchilla. They don’t know anything about you, other than what they perceive as a reason to hate you. And that’s nothing at all. So when the haters come out, remember Nino Brown, and know that this shit ain’t personal. Don’t let it drag you down, don’t let it make you EVER forget what’s important in your life. When it all comes down to it, what’s important in your life will stick around forever. The haters? Use them for all they’re worth, then don’t give them another thought. You smart enough to know what matters in your life. Don’t ever let yourself put anything in front of them. What matters is what’s personal. The crap the haters spew? Never personal.

7) One bonus: For me at least, haters give me a reason to work harder. This blog post, for instance, has been rolling around in the back of my head for years, but I’ve never had a chance to write it. Until I had a reason to. So yeah, like I said in the beginning – Thanks, most recent hater! You keep on expending all your energy hating, and I’ll keep on expending mine building amazing shit.

How else do you love your haters? Let me hear it in the comments.

http://www.mikaleebyerman.wordpress.com Mikalee Byerman

Totally agreed! I particularly love one specific hater of mine — who turned out to be the new wife of my ex-husband. She left six different comments on six different posts — all with different names ending in a cheery-as-shit “ee” sound, like “Sally” and “Kelly.” I traced her IP address after realizing how similarly hateful all the comments were…and lo and behold, it also happened to be the same IP address as the emails in my inbox from my ex. Hmmm….

So I called her out in a blog post titled “I Spy with My Little Eye…a Blog Stalker?!?!” It was fun. ;)

Typically, I wouldn’t give attention to haters. But this one seemed especially poetic, what with the fact that at the time, she and my ex were suing me to stop my blog — while she was posting messages on my blog. Awesome.

Thanks for making me smile this morning. There is a special place in my heart for haters, because as you noted, you only know that you’re truly making a difference if you are controversial enough to inspire a few hater comments.

Now I’m off to try to get some more…
http://websiteurl Jo

Sometimes I have to talke a big, deep breath (or count to 10, rant to a friend, etc.) first, but I tend to “nice them to death”. If you are consistently your kind, calm, best self, you set an example. Most people eventually respond to that – it does rather take the wind from their sails. Their shit is not your shit, so rise above it.
http://websiteurl Pattie Roberts

I love it when you get feisty, Peter :) Yes to all you have said in your post, plus one more: I go out of my way to be sweet and reasonable and smiley. Especially smiley. “Oh dear, you sound very angry, is everything alright at home? You look a little tired” *sympathetic smile*. Smiling can really upset haters. I have a big toothy smile and I use it – a lot :) 99 percent of the time I smile because I am basically a happy person. I like being alive. It’s a pretty good gig. The other 1 percent, well, I’m Sicilian so… Since you used one, I’ll share one of my favorite movie quotes, from ‘Madagascar’, one that comes to mind when I encounter a hater: ‘Just smile and wave, boys, just smile and wave.’ Carry on, Peter, you’re doing a lot right!
http://cloudhead.org Leigh Shulman

I’ve been upset about a couple of haters of late. What bothers me the most, I think, is that people who don’t know me believe them. And they, too, are lying and basing their claims — that they do not ever discuss directly with me — on a complete lack of information.

It does make me mad. Thing is, these two people were friends of mine. Even so, I agree, it’s not personal. It’s their shit. And you’re right, this is an opportunity for me to evaluate what I do to see if I can improve it. Or a chance to realize that hell yeah, I’m dong something and making waves. in the process, I’m making people upset and uncomfortable, but that’s on them. Not me.

Thanks for the boost, Mr Shankman. Love the photo of Kira and kitty.
http://www.coachingbytambre.com Tambre Leighn/coaching by tambre

Faaaabulous! When we shine brightly in life others can take it one of two ways…be inspired to go after their own greatness and bring their unique gifts to the world or they want to dim that bright light quickly to keep it from exposing them and how they are playing small. Not everyone chooses to seek their highest potential…and that’s okay – no judgment, it is their choice…but “hating” on people who do will never stop those who choose an extraordinary life. It’s simply wasted energy. Keep on with your inspiring, ah-mazing life!
http://theanalyticeye.com emw

I see your point on #4. I had an exchange with a critic (I won’t call him a hater as it wasn’t over-the-line negative) early in my blogging days who took exception with a cavalier tone I had taken regarding his Twitter feed.

After a long exchange, some in the comments, some on email, I came to see his point and did learn a lot from the experience. And taking that lesson forward prompted an interview I might not have otherwise done.

That interview led to one of my popular posts, which in turn has opened doors that might have otherwise stayed closed.

So, yes, I do believe in learning from constructive haters, detractors or other kinds of critics.
http://www.sepco-solarlighting.com Liz Karschner

Great Post! This so reminds me of what The Oatmeal just went through with a lawyer and a website. The whole thing started out small and blew way up, but I bet there are thousands if not millions of people who now know of The Oatmeal if they didn’t before. Haters can keep on hating since there will always be people out there loving what you do!
http://websiteurl Daphne Larkin

A wonderful post full of great reminders including: There is something to learn from everything, AND that very few things are ever truly are about you (er me) :) Many thanks for the inspiration!
https://www.facebook.com/soflowalter Walter Beazy

Im so glad you wrote this post, the reason why last week I spent an entire day talking about my inspirations and my idols was because of haters. Like you said they dont know me and they dont know where I come from so I made sure everyone knew what I have been through and what I aspire to be.
And now that you wrote this post I can post it and the haters can read why I still love them.
http://21orchard.blogspot.com Steve Korchynsky

This is great Peter!

Turning negativity into an abundance of advantages and viewing things from a different (positive) perspective are actions that empower. I couldn’t help but smile while reading this. I really like the first point you brought up about the shouting. It will indeed intrigue people and allow you the chance to gain more of a following.

I recently wrote a post that is very similar; it is about what I call the Opposition Network. It’s full of your competitors and the naysayers. The opposition network can even be more powerful in leading you to your successes than your support network. 21orchard.blogspot.com. Let me know what you think if you have the chance. Keep up the great work!

Steve
http://www.aroundcorners.com Beth M. Anderson

I was told last year that you aren’t anybody until someone hates you. I had arrived, and it felt great. Agree with Pattie above, smile and wave, boys, smile and wave.
http://websiteurl Bob

Would be interesting to hear your thoughts on the opposite of haters – the people who suck up on posts to curry favor. It’s a tough one because you want to encourage (and listen to) unbridled enthusiasm and yet, nobody wants to read the obvious posts from people who are plain just sucking up.
http://www.venntive.com Lydia Sugarman

As I read this post and the follow-up comments, I was once again reminded of The Four Agreements. It’s a book I’ve never actually read, even though I own it, because I found so much wisdom on the first front blurb that I never needed to go much further into the book. The Four Agreements are, simply:
1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don’t take anything personally.
3. Don’t make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.

This works in all phases of our lives. If you aren’t familiar with The Four Agreements, do a search to get more explanation of each Agreement.

I’m also a big believer in karma. ;-)
http://www.nainan.com Dan Nainan, Comedian

Oh my goodness, thank you, thank you, thank you Peter!

First of all, I can’t imagine why anybody would want to hate on you. You have provided the most amazing service (for free, to boot) that changes lives for the better. You worked hard and you became successful, and you deserve it. I love your story about standing next to Grand Central with a sandwich board with your resume on it. I highly doubt any haters would’ve thought out-of-the-box like that. That’s because they’re too worried about doing what the crowd is doing and they want to appear cool.

Have you noticed that haters are always unsuccessful? I have a haters club made up of comedians who have miserable day jobs, and they do unpaid shows in the Village, and that’s it. They’re telling me I shouldn’t do ethnic comedy, that I shouldn’t do clean comedy, that I shouldn’t do impressions. Hey, I’m an artist, and this is my art. It’s like a musician telling another musician that they shouldn’t do country music, or a painter telling another painter that they shouldn’t do impressionistic paintings!

Here’s the best part – they post their venom online, talking about how “awful” my comedy is, with a link to my YouTube video (which, by the way, has 1,250,000 views) and you know what? I got a corporate gig because somebody ran across one of their posts! So you’re absolutely right that haters help publicize you!

Thank you so very much for your wonderful post, and for everything that you do.
http://www.prclaire.com Claire

I hope that I have some friends and colleagues that do some of the same things that you (correctly) said that haters do: challenge me to change, encourage me to work hard and never slow down or get complacent, point out complaints/issues so that I can correct and improve; keep me on my toes … but they also know about me and my personal goals. There will always be haters – here’s a challenge to all of us to be good friends to overwhelm the negativity of the haters but encourage the improvements.
http://greenandprofitable.com/shels-blog/ Shel Horowitz – Green/Ethical Marketing Expert

Her’s one more reason to love your haters, along with the several in your post and the comments: Haters bring out your *defenders!* Few things are as satisfying as watching friends, colleagues, clients, and listmates bury a hater in your best attributes, and you don’t have to brag on yourself or defend yourself at all. Just sit back and use your pretty smile, and remember to say thank you once the dust settles :-).
http://www.turning65.org Jane

I had a for real hater one time. I had sent my annual print newsletter out to 400+ clients. The mailer had a response form enclosed. Someone sent it back (unsigned) telling me what a horrible writer I was, that I couldn’t spell and that that my sentence structure was all wrong. All that I could think was, “Well you read the whole damn thing, apparently”. My goal was to get the letter read. Mission accomplished. Ha, Ha!!
http://www.leahtn.com Leah Neaderthal

+1 Shel! I started a social network for Chicago cyclists, and there were dozens of haters. But each time one of them reared their heads, hundreds of other defenders would speak up for me – even those who’d never posted or commented before! It was so nice and made me remember that I was doing something great.
http://www.topsongsmovieslist.com/ leevabrit

realy good, i also will love my haters, thanks
http://www.ocsocialguys.com David Amodt

great post. totally agree with all of it. Haters always hate, and use their energy to succeed.
http://www.ticketnetwork.com Michael Merritt

A slight objection to #2. People who dislike a change are often called haters, but sometimes a person who dislikes a change simply dislikes a change. It’s like the conversion to Timeline on Facebook. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but I dislike it because it breaks the flow in reading people in the Western world usually expect. So I’ve decided not to change my profile to it until I must. That’s not hating, it’s a legitimate criticism. Are there occasions where people take their dislike of change to the realm of hate? Sure, but not every time.
http://www.upperatus.com Upperatus

Your mom sounds like an awesome woman! Haters are always going to exist, and they are definitely good for spreading your message. I guess they don’t realize it, but every time they try to knock you down to the public, they just gave you free press and traffic.
http://www.thomcomm.net Steve Thompson

Great work Peter. Hey, where were you . . . ahem . . . (number deleted) years ago when I was just starting out? Love to you my fellow human being!
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http://websiteurl Lisa Rubinstein

As usual Peter, right on! Great blog and keep on doing what you’re doing.
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http://Hongsakul.com Pamela Hongsakul

Haters are indeed jealous, and hate change for the loss it represents to their pitiful egos. Naysayers can be extremely harmful, they can cause us to lose friends, jobs, clients, and reputation. But these losses also push us onto other paths, and cut the fat of disloyal relationships. Haters have helped me to losen the bonds that tie me to both good and bad situations, and haters have pushed me on my way to exciting and fruitful horizons. Yes, it hurts. But rocket ships, when blasting off, must have something to push us off. And then the is the karma…but you can’t look back over your shoulders at the naysayers, if you want to run at optimum speed on your Olympic track.
Pamela Hongsakul

Haters are indeed jealous, and hate change for the loss it represents to their pitiful egos. Naysayers can be extremely harmful, they can cause us to lose friends, jobs, clients, and reputation. But these losses also push us onto other paths, and cut the fat of disloyal relationships. Haters have helped me to losen the bonds that tie me to both good and bad situations, and haters have pushed me on my way to exciting and fruitful horizons. Yes, it hurts. But rocket ships, when blasting off, must have something to push us off. And then there is the karma…but you can’t look back over your shoulders at the naysayers, if you want to run at optimum speed on your Olympic track.
http://websiteurl TinaTheVA

Wow! That meme AND quoting Ice T AND Nino Brown? OK, I’ve tweeted your last two articles and now I know for sure…I am in LOVE :)
http://www.get-your-best-mortgage-rate.com Super Kate

Someone recently instructed me to “go ahead and keep smiling” in the midst of his rant. I chuckle a little when I remember his post however he was not a hater – Just a stressed homeowner. There’s a lot of that going around these days and understandably so.
http://www.StressFreeDesign.com Veronika Freeman, dotcalm

I’m with you! I am starting a local/regional organization for ONLY entrepreneurs (which, in my definition, means “Only me, God and the Government can shut be down” business owners). No MLMs, no franchisees, only women that started their business from scratch.

This has upset a lot of women I associate with in a local women’s business group – they are immediately assuming I have a problem with their businesses and are constantly trying to explain to me why they belong and how much we’re all alike. They don’t understand that there IS a different mindset, and different level level of responsibility, a “we can do ANYTHING and no one can say no” attitude that MLMs simply can’t have because they haven’t experienced what it takes to be completely responsible for a business: payroll, marketing, reputation, product development, sales, accounting… the list goes on.

So, some have turned their backs on me because they think I’m being insulting… I’ve even been accused of not living by “the Secret” (Act, Believe, Achieve – I think I’m doing that – but apparently I need to include everyone in my group instead of being an exclusive offering for a particular type of business woman? Interesting, doesn’t Jack Canfield’s $2,000+ Arizona events offer an “exclusive” opportunity to develop business/personal strengths and network?)

It’s hard when you have a dream and people try to twist you out of it and make it seem like you’re a bad person or have a negative agenda… remember – they would feel safer and you would feel sadder if you gave in… who wants to live like that?
http://www.StressFreeDesign.com Veronika Freeman, dotcalm

oops – shut “me” down – apparently need more coffee… ;<)
http://occamsrazr.com Ike

Peter, I borrow from Confucious:

“It’s not enough to be liked by everyone. You must strive to be despised by the evil.”

Those with no haters aren’t standing up for the right things.
http://www.textburst.com/ Dawn

You can learn a lot from a hater…but sometimes it’s all about them. Learn what you can but also keep in mind the way a hater acts is about who they are as a person and you aren’t responsible for their words or actions – they are.
http://www.varvee.com stephen cunningam

Thank you for these inspiring comments. I do not have a lot of experience with “haters” per se, but am deeply grateful and appreciative of the users of our service who have taken the trouble to tell us what we could be doing better. Sometimes their tone can be a little snarky, but we view it as an opportunity to learn more about how to serve our communities better, and more than 9 times out of 10, when we approach them that way and drill into whatever it was that got them commenting in the first place, there is a lesson. After reading these comments, i am thinking that we may have to go out of our way to develop more haters in order to be more successful :)
http://www.latestsongsnews.com/ Jessie Basu

Hello Peter, i also have thoughts like you coz i believe that if someone hates you, he always thinks about you. It means you are always on that persons’ mind. It’s like an achievement for me coz hater is a secret admirer who wanna be like you but doesn’t want to admit it. :)
http://truthonmlm.org/ MLM Alice

Great article, Peter. I agree that you should like them even though they don’t like you. Thanks for the helpful information.
Blue Dragon Rob

Just be awesome and let them have miserable lives.
Julie Austin

Who would ever hate you, Peter? Yes, I do think it has a lot to do with jealousy. Just focus on what you do best… making money and making people happy.
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MartinSellingzoe

Peter,
Great article. I wrote Turning Negative Reviews Into Money on ScentTrail Marketing last year on much the same topic. Haters, you’ve got to love them as you point out so conclusively. Thanks. Marty
pmcountry

I have to say this is one of the most encouraging and insightful blogs I have read. I recently, for the first time, had an onslaught of haters on my fb fan page. I didnt react well at first but what you have written has just made it all make sense to me and inspiring!! THANK YOU!!!
Erin Larson, Socialot.com

LOVE this post! In particular, I appreciate #4. I tend to tune out the negative, but it makes sense to use that feedback to our advantage. Gotta remember that! Have you ever had this backfire, though? And then what did you do??
Thanks, Peter, for putting a positive spin on something so potentially devastating!
- Erin Larson, Socialot.com
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http://pintester.com/ Pintester

I was sort of prepared for haters, but it was still upsetting when they started popping up regularly… but now I have a complex about not having ENOUGH haters. ;) Seriously, though, great article. Thanks for writing it!

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