If I have someone in my network (let’s call them a LinkedIn connection) and we don’t have anything meaningful to talk about today, I don’t understand how we’re wasting each other’s time or weakening our networks by remaining technically connected. I am not advocating connecting with random strangers for the numbers’ sake.

You are so right that one’s network is a breathing organism that must be tended to. Too many people just turn to their network when they desperately need it, or they relentlessly spam it. But I want to understand why those people we are electronically tethered to either via Facebook friendship or LinkedIn connection are weakening us if we don’t talk to them on a regular basis. I agree that that particular connection gets weaker every day we don’t interact with it, but how does deleting them then strengthen us? I’d love to hear some thoughts on this.

Absolutely agree with you. It never ceases to amuse me when people I have just met for a few minutes want to add me on Facebook, or random requests on LinkedIn. The term “Friend” has lost much of it’s original meaning. I think we need an Acquaintancebook or people-i-have-only-met-once-book :)

So how many of your 55,000 “friends” do you know, and when was the last time you reached out personally to each individual?

This is exactly what I was thinking about when I messaged you about a week and a half ago regarding LinkedIn. The impersonal nature that has been created via social media has encouraged us to connect with those that we really do not have any sort of connection with. I fear LinkedIn will fall into the exact same trap of facebook.

A great campaign from burger king took full advantage of the thirst many have to accumulate friends on facebook, link included below.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/.....56320.html

Great post.

-Tyler

Very well said! I would rather have less “friends” but know that if I put out a request to attend a charity function, etc. that many people will care and respond favorably. No tangible reason to accept friend requests from unknown people… Hope you are having an incredible time! Enjoy!

Peter,
In terms of growing a network that is 100% connected to you and wants to engage with you this is a great idea and I fully support it.

However, what about using the people who you don’t engage with on a personal level as a slow drip process? By firing out content that may or may not apply to each of them individually, but eventually, they may (or may not) become some of your most valuable clients?

Peter is a smart chap, and worth listening to on so many counts. However, this isn’t one of those occasions.

There are two misunderstandings here that should be cleared up; one technical, one – well, “sociological”.

1) There is no wasted effort in “not communicating”. Think about it. Your non-communicating Facebook friends aren’t magically sucking your karma or any other new age Tony Robbins-ish woo-woo-iness. Indeed, in the specific case of Facebook editorial algorithms are busily deciding which contacts’ stories are shown in your timeline and which aren’t.

2) Can’t believe that most Social Media types still haven’t read Granovetter’s paper; “The Strength of Weak Ties” (1973). It is, after all, the *most* cited paper on social networks. Here’s a brief summary (from Duncan Watts): “casual acquaintances may have a bigger potential for having life changing impacts rather than your best friend.”

This is important stuff; and it’s been in the mainstream of academic thinking for well over three decades. If the Social Media industry wants to be perceived as a serious venture, we need to get away from the Tony Robbins-style SlideShare presentations and poorly-sourced infographics, and start taking ourselves seriously.

Every so often I prune my Facebook “friends” list. My general rule: If I have never met you face to face AND have no interest in having a beer with you, we are not really friends.

DJ: Is THAT why you dropped me? Just kidding.

Peter: Great advice. I tend to just drop trolls. More pro-active pruning is probably in order (especially now that people can subscribe at least on FB.)

Also, good for you for listening to your wife. Mine is a good shin kicker too. It’s saved me a heap of self-inflicted trouble!

I blogged a while back about having my wires crossed. As an early adopter of so many social services I followed everyone back, accepted friends requests, etc. I agree that pruning is a good thing to do as DJ mentioned.

Here’s a tip for Facebook if you wish to do this. Check your “friends’ who are having birthdays today. Do you actually know who they are? If not, unfriend them. Of course, you may want to wait a week before doing this. Nobody like to be unfriended on their birthday.

For Twitter, you can do a Chris Brogan-style mass unfollow. Or use an app like ManageFlitter to remove the dormant accounts.

Have fun in Capri! Heather and I back packed Italy years ago. We loved it. Our daughter’s middle name is Capri, and now you know why.

People get validation from social media, from that instant gratification of a like or RT or as many ‘friends’ as possible. As Jay mentioned, it’s the world we created for ourselves. And for people not using SM to get ahead in business, I’m not sure it matters.

I do revisit my Twitter follows/followers and rethink those connections. If an account’s gone dormant or rogue or spammy, I have no problem hitting the unfollow button. But on FB or LI, I don’t have to because I’m a little more selective to begin with. My LI network is only as strong as I can make it; I limit the weak links by not connecting w/ anyone and everyone on a whim. I don’t consider FB part of my ‘network’ – it’s my personal space w/ a variety of friends from all walks of life: school, work, play. I’m not on it so much I’m worrying others are wasting my time, that I’m not getting enough from them. IDK Maybe I’m doing it wrong – or just differently. FWIW.

Great comments!

I tend to keep Facebook to people I’ve met, but I’ve occasionally violated the rule to include people whom I’ve met through various social networks and would like to meet some day.

I accept most connections through LinkedIn. I keep myself open to a variety of possibilities there.

On Twitter I follow people whom I find interesting, and here I do focus more on value. (I notice no one mentioned Google+.) I still think it’s kind of crass to view people in your network strictly through the lens of the value they provide, although I don’t see Twitter as being quite the same in terms of networking.

Good advice, Peter. When business is booming and I’m so busy I don’t have a free moment I tend to forget about those things. It’s only when it slows down that I’m able to go through and make those “hey, let’s go to lunch sometime” calls. But it’s a valuable use of your time to either prune them out or take them to lunch.

Capri looks exciting. Enjoy it!

I find that the best balance for me in keeping contacts and time in check on social media, particularly Facebook, is by keeping lists. I have a list for acquaintances, which means that Facebook friends who aren’t ‘real’ friends and therefore don’t need to see every picture I post of my children or be notified every time I am on vacation, are placed on that list. That way I can keep the in my network – because I agree with the many comments here, Mat’s especially, arguing that casual acquaintances can at times be very useful.

For a brand new and growing dance school in Adelaide (Australia), we use Facebook a lot to connect with people that we may or may not know in the industry. We are using it as a tool so that people can get to know who we are…the only problem is that we don’t know some of the friends we have connected with! I agree that we should make time to connect with those people in a meaningful way, and your comments are vey valid. Thanks for posting!